What You Wish For
by iluvaqt
Summary: Post Ep S03E09 "The Climb" . After the fall, Oliver wakes to a future he doesn't recognize but one that he's secretly hoped for in his dreams.
1. Waking

AU After "The Climb" S03E09.

Summary:

Determined not the let Oliver face his fate alone, Felicity, John and Roy plan a risky rescue mission to bring their teammate home. Meanwhile Thea decides it's time that she shares what she's learned about her brother and his friends.

Warning:

If you would like to avoid reading sexual situations, miss the last few paragraphs of Heartbeat and all of Ghosts, also the second half of last chapter, Relentless.

Disclaimer:

I don't have ownership of these characters or their stories. They belong to their respective creators, DC Comics, theCW, Andrew Kreisbreg, Greg Berlanti and Marc Guggenheim. The story is not for sale or resale, it is written solely for Arrow fans. No money is being made from the use of these characters

::: ::: :::

The last thing he remembered was falling, the sharp throb of his liver spilling bile and lifeblood and his throat still choked before blacking out to the feeling of being embraced by a million icy needle points.

He didn't feel cold and he didn't ache. He was good at blocking out pain but not to this extent of Zen. He had to push through in order to even roll out of bed every day. It was strange, that he felt rested.

Recovering from the wounds Ra's had inflicted would have taken weeks, and that's if they'd been able to repair the damage to his liver. He wouldn't have a clue how long it might have been if he'd needed a donor. He ran his fingers lightly over his torso and encountered his old scars and the new one just under his last rib. It was thick and had a raised rough edge.

Touching the scar, he could remember the pain. The surprise and dread he'd felt in that moment of being so quickly overcome. He'd been trained to a knife point. He was sharp, aware, finely honed to his senses, ever aware of his limitations and his mortality. In that instant, on his knees he realized that he was outmatched and Ra's had been indugling him. The Demon Head was an intelligent man, he had to be to have the fear and respect of entire league of men and women who followed him into death, not to mention those who only knew him by reputation and had a healthy respect to avoid his notice.

Staring down a blade, Oliver had seen them. The women he loved. He'd seen them at their happiest whilst looking at him. Each one was a warm welcome... except for Felicity.

It was his own fault that each time he faced her, it was with heaviness of an aching heart. All he wanted was her safety and her happiness. Her smile was worth a million aches of his own making. Even if he ignored the risks, and let himself be with her, he wouldn't be able to give her the attention she deserved. He couldn't give her that and be the Arrow.

Barry was both right and wrong about him. The Arrow was so many things, a lot of it ugly and unworthy of any accolade, but he was necessary. He wasn't faster than the blink of an eye. He could be honest, he did wish he was even half as fast as Barry on a bad day. He could do so much more, and he'd be able to have a life. The one he kept to himself, the quiet dreams that he allowed himself to have when the nightmares didn't dominate his unconciousness.

He dared to open his eyes and took stock of everything he could feel. He felt warm. He was on a firm mattress with soft cotton sheets. He stretched out his legs experimentally and felt the material shift against his skin. There was no dull hum of electricity and server cooling fans. Which he would have expected to hear if somehow Diggle and Felicity had found him after his fight with Ra's and brought him home.

Was it strange that he thought of the Foundry as home? The mansion hadn't been home since before the island. The Foundry was were he felt grounded, safe and focused. It was where his team worked best. It's where they regrouped, trained and did their research. It was where he knew he could always find Felicity. Except when he hadn't.

He tried not the think about the night she had gone out with Ray Palmer. The night she hadn't chosen him. He had wanted to tell her what he thought but he stayed his tongue because he knew if he did, he would be taking away her choice. He knew how she felt about him.

There was a sharp ache in his chest and he rubbed it absently as he remembered the way he felt when Diggle told him that she wasn't there. That she'd went on that date. He refused to define the feeling that hit him. He still wouldn't, but he knew it was something like disappointment, anguish and despair all in one. He wondered at that moment if there would come a day where she wouldn't come at all. When she'd decide that his mission had taken too much from her. She had sacrificed her safety, her career, her social life, her love... He wished he could be the one worthy of her love.

He changed for Tommy. He had made that promise and he would fight to keep it. But it was Felicity that kept him fighting. He wanted to honor his friend's memory but he chose to be better for her. Because of her faith in him. Because he wanted to worthy of her faith. He wanted to be worthy of her love, even though he despaired over the thought that he was in no way deserving of her. He did what he could to protect the people of Starling, to protect the ones he loved. His family. He meant it when he had told Digg that he would never abandon Roy. He wanted to believe the best about those he loved because he knew he was the worst and how much having someone love him despite his ugliness meant. Even when the others believed he may have killed Sara. When Roy himself was disgusted and feared it himself. Just like he believed Thea to be innocent, even when he was faced with proof that she had been keeping secrets and lying to his face.

He blamed himself and his mother for the choices that Thea was making. Their mother had kept so much from them in the name of protecting her children. Even from the consequences of their own mistakes. How much jail time had he and Thea avoided due to her intervention? How many teachers and Deans had she mollified with promises and funding. His secrets were necessary but he knew it couldn't be helping his sister's life choices. She had turned to Malcolm Merlyn of all people and he had betrayed her.

Merlyn hadn't succeeded in turning Tommy into a mirror of himself but he was starting to with Thea and Oliver could only hope that his actions got through to his sister. He couldn't share everything about himself with Thea. It would put her in danger. More than she was already in but he could be her big brother. He could love her unconditionally and he could show her that he would be there for her in every way that he could. Like he would for every one of his family. Team Arrow was as much his family as Thea was. It was why they understood his decision to face Ra's. Even if they hadn't agreed with his choice. They were family. Family protect each other.

He wished he could show Felicity how much he loved her. How desperately he wanted to give her the love she wanted. What she deserved. To take her out on dates, show her off at parties and to spoil her with gifts and affection. Things he couldn't afford to do with the life he'd chosen. Things he might never be able to do. And it killed him a little inside to know that one day she would find someone she could love in his place. Someone that would be able to give her those things. He'd always hoped that if it happened it would be in a distant future. So when he'd seen her kiss Ray Palmer, he'd been faced with a right now that he hadn't been prepared to face.

Taking note of the room, he knew he had never set foot in it before. It had a lived in, welcoming feel, with warm tones and natural furniture, including the walnut stained sleigh bed he was currently sitting on.

Sunlight streamed through the single bedroom window. It was large window between two floor to ceiling wardrobe cupboards. The window seat between them was scattered with cushions in a myrid of colors and patterns. A few books, one titled The Catcher In The Rye. He couldn't draw any insight from it, who it might belong to aside from the fact that it was considered a literary classic. There was no name or inscription in any of the books.

Outside was a quiet suburban street. He could see the Starling City skyline in the distance. He estimated that he was probably about ten minutes out of the city.

In the small yard below, he could see it was the beginning of spring. So he had missed Christmas, Hanukkah for Felicity, he thought with a fond smile. The lush lawn was edged by a white picket fence and he mused that this place couldn't be more different to any other place he'd lived but it also seemed to be the picture of the clichéd American Dream.

Coming down the sidewalk he noticed a bundled figure walking along while carrying a large brown grocery bag. He couldn't see her face because her head was obscured by the 1920s style hat she was wearing and the bag she was carrying but he knew what walk and those hands anywhere. For as much as she may have watched him work out, he'd stood behind her watching her work her brilliance on her 'babies'.

Felicity had slender, creamy, perfectly formed fingers, always topped with expertly polished nails in some brilliant shade of pink, which always seemed to match her lips. He found it extremely distracting at times, since he couldn't look at her hands without thinking of her lips. And he couldn't think about her lips without thinking about their one kiss. Or the rare instances she had kissed him on the cheek or the jaw. Or when her lips had hovered close to his ear. He felt his face growing warm the more he thought about her mouth. And didn't realize he was smiling widely until his cheeks started to ache from the disuse of these particular muscles.

He rushed from the room and out the front door, when he saw her struggling with the gate. The cold morning air hit him full in the face and he went from relaxed restfulness to fully alert in a second, but that was nothing compared to the bite of the concrete path beneath his feet. But he hop-jogged to where she stood, trying to juggle the bag while closing the gate, and took the bag from her arms.

"Thanks but I had it, you don't have to be all chilvarous with me. I know you're used to sweeping in with a rescue, but I'm no damsel and... Oliver, where is your shirt. And your shoes!" she scolded, taking in his bare feet.

Her eyes swept back up to his face and her eyes narrowed while flashing preparing for a verbal viscerating. He'd seen those warning signs often enough. "I know you think you're tough, all you muscle macho types think you're invincible but you were on death's door. You were a hairs breath from waiting on a donor list, and I was hacking every known morgue and hospital to make sure we had a match just incase. Your coma lasted weeks and I'm not going to see you in a hospital bed like that again, Oliver. Not as long as I live. So as much as I and every other woman out there enjoys looking that prime body of yours, get inside before you tempt fate and I break out my whip and make you... Did I say that," she spluttered and blinked rapidly. "I didn't say that... I don't have a... Well I would never use it on you... Not without your consent. Only if you want to...No wait, forget I'm still talking," she said turning him to the door and pushing him along. "Three, two, one," she muttered softly under her breath, then she said conversationally, "So when did you get up? You got in really late, or should I say extremely early this morning, I though you'd sleep till lunch at least."

Oliver raised an eyebrow at that. They lived here together? When did that happen? After her maniac ex had kidnapped her and threatened her and her mother, Felicity had started scouting new properties. He hadn't pictured her as a suburban type but he wasn't at all adverse to the thought of living with her.

He was secretly a masochist. He had to be. That was all he could come up with to explain why he thought living with Felicity while being in love with her was a good idea. While he had gotten good at torture when Waller forced his hand, he didn't enjoy it. He had learned that some ugliness was necessary while dealing with people who had a low or complete disregard for human life. They only feared their own mortality, they had no respect for anything else. And for some it was pain more than death. Death was a quick release. Especially if you believed you had nothing to lose. So in order to save lives, he had learned to deal in torture and death.

A gentle hand on his arm pulled him from his morose dark thoughts.

"You were going there again. That place I can't follow," she said softly.

While she shed her coat and threw it over the armchair with one arm, she held her hand to his face, her thumb lightly stroking his cheek.

He put his hand over hers and encountered something rough. His brows drew together in a frown and her took her hand away from his face to inspect it. A green emerald surrounded by yellow gold and a sting of diamonds winked up at him and the blood drained from his face but that wasn't what rattled him the most. It was the prominent telling bump that protruded half a foot in the space between them that rocked him off his feet.

"Felicity," her name fell from his lips like a broken prayer.

She rushed to help him as he swayed and managed to awkwardly get him to sit down on the couch. She was breathless from the exertion. He wasn't a small guy and she'd struggled to support him before she was pregnant. With her extra baggage and stretched muscles, she had accomplished an near impossible feat of getting his uncooperative bulk to move anywhere.

"You're pregnant," he said in a disbelieving, heart-wrenching voice. His eyes were pleading and accusatory at the same time.

Felicity stared at him. Her mouth falling open. "Well yeah, horizontal rumba will do that on occasion. Certainly didn't happen by divine immaculate conception. Did you hit your head this morning? Stop looking at me like that," she cried in her loud voice. Her hand suddenly flew to her mouth as it widened in shock. "This isn't a joke. You're not pranking me are you? You really don't know. Oh my..."

She tore from the room and Oliver could only stare where she once stood, his world totally out of focus.

This wasn't a dream. He had to wake up. There was still time. He promised to come back. He needed to wake up. He couldn't let Felicity slip away. He loved her and he'd tell her properly. Not as a farewell but in a greeting. Hope for a new life.

A tear slipped down his cheek. This wasn't reality. His Felicity wouldn't marry someone else.


	2. Assurances

Felicity returned and she was talking rapidly on the phone. She was making hand gestures in his direction and pacing. While she had left the room he had come back to himself and it hadn't taken much to notice how upset she was. That couldn't be good for her or the baby.

As much as it hurt to think of her with someone else, marrying someone else, pregnant to another man, he would always worry for her, about her, want the best for her... Love her. He swallowed, his throat closing and threatening to choke him. He hunched forward having to close his eyes, and do nothing but force his throat to relax and just breathe in.

A warm hand touched his back and gently rubbed calming circles. "In and out. Slow and steady. That's it," she said comfortingly. "No," she said briskly into the phone. "Panic attack. Yes, I know he hasn't... I told you, it's me. He triggered on me. No, we're okay just get here." She let out a tired sigh. "Roy will be here soon. Lyla's away so John can't get here quickly. He'll come as soon as he can. Laurel will patrol tonight."

Oliver jerked at that. "Laurel?" he asked his tone slightly incredulous.

Felicity stared him down and her hand had stopped it's motion abruptly. Oliver regretted saying anything now. Who cared if Laurel wanted to pole dance in the lair or use Ted as a human punching bag, Felicity had stopped touching him. Well not completely but close enough. With the glare she was giving him, he was sure she was going to pull away any second now.

"Are we going to have this conversation again. Do I really have to? Oliver, she's a grown woman. She trained. She's Sara's sister that should tell you everything you need to know. She's stubborn, born tough as nails and could probably survive more than a few rounds with you. I know Diggle has it tough in hand to hand with her. She's lethal with those fists and boots of hers. Lethal Laurel. I think it's catchier than Black Canary but hey, not such a good secret identity code name."

Oliver listened to her rambling feeling both concerned and assured in the same instance. How did she do that? Lay information on him at such a rapid rate, he would understand less than half of it but be unfazed simply because it was Felicity giving him that information. She would always make sure he understood the important points. And she had always protested that she had no PA skill. He'd keep that thought to himself. He didn't think he could handle another one of her Freeze-Ray stares. See, he could do pop culture references, even if he only ever felt confident enough voicing them in his head. He had Thea to thank for that one. Despicable Me was an awesome way to kill time and have sibling bonding.

"So Laurel will handle it," he said half musing to himself. What twilight zone had he entered?

"Oliver, what's the last thing that you remember?" Felicity asked softly, her face a picture of concern. She was trying to be calm, but he knew how to read her tells.

"I remember leaving you, to face Ra's." He saw her eyes widen in alarm before she struggled valiantly to school her expression into an unreadable mask. She wasn't very successful. Her pupils remained wide and her fingers danced with nervous tension. She sat on the arm of the couch and she had absently begun playing with his hair over the nape of his neck. It was very nice, if a tad ticklish. She was too close to his ears. They were unreasonably sensitive for one of the smallest areas of his body. Maybe they were an erogenous zone. He didn't know. "I put on a brave face. I didn't want any of you to worry or try to go with me and truthfully, if you'd begged me not to, in not sure I would have had the resolve to see that things through. It was the thought that you or Thea could be the first that the League targeted for blood that made me determined. I hurt you to protect you. It's better that you lived, than I hold you briefly before he tore you away forever."

Felicity stared at him, her eyes red rimmed and full of tears. "I knew it was goodbye. I prayed for you, every second, every minute you were gone and even though you didn't kill him, I'm not sure anyone ever could with that Pit of his but you survived Oliver. You hung on and you fought to live and you came back."

She left the part about coming back to her unsaid but he could read the intent in her expression. He pulled her down off the armrest and hugged her to his side, careful not to squeeze her tummy.

Felicity took his hands in hers. "That was more than two years ago, Oliver. I don't know what happened to you last night after I went to bed but you were supposed to use your emergency signal if anything serious came up. I had a feeling I should have asked Thea to come online."

Oliver stiffened. "Thea's a part of Team Arrow?" He watched her smile the proud smile she always did whenever he referred to them that way. It made him smile in reflex despite the sudden eruption of indigestion he'd developed.

Felicity nodded slowly. "We should wait for them. They'd probably like to tell their stories themselves."

Oliver glanced at her midsection. "And yours," he asked quietly. "Will you tell me about you for the past two years that I can't seem to remember? I could try the meditation techniques I taught Roy but I would mind hearing it from you."

Felicity shook her head. "Oliver, I'm... I don't think I can. So much has happened and this must be so weird for you being here and not with Thea... I think it's best that I stay in the city for awhile."

"No!" he said quickly, adamantly. He wouldn't stay here without her. Besides he was too far from the Foundry. What if she was in danger? Over the years she had been working with him, she had kept up her training and she was pretty good at thinking on her feet and disarming but she wasn't a fighter. And being pregnant would only hamper her mobility and it put her in added danger. Her priorities had shifted. Her first thought couldn't be his mission anymore.

She looked surprised by his outburst and took her hands from where they had covered his. "You can't be serious. Oliver, we are partners in Team Arrow and I did work for you but you don't really know me."

Oliver felt as though she'd punched him in the gut. It was getting hard to breathe again. How could she believe that? He knew all her likes and her fears, he knew all her quirks and they had been through fire together. He knew he didn't know everything about her, she didn't talk about her childhood or her family much and he didn't press. There was a lot in his past he wasn't proud of and he had learned recently that there were things she had done that she wasn't proud of either. Everyone made mistakes. No one was perfect but in his opinion Felicity was pretty damn close.

She couldn't leave. He felt as though he'd only just got her back. He had thought he'd never see her face again, feel her smile the way it could warm him to his toes and chase away every dark shadow from his mind. Was it her fiancé? Would he feel weird about Felicity staying with him, if he couldn't remember the last two years? Who was this guy? Was it Palmer? Maybe it was. The ring looked expensive. "Isn't this your place? I could go stay with Thea. It's what I remember."

Felicity chewed the corner of her lip. She gave him a small grimace. "I don't think that's a good idea. You probably don't want a repeat of last time. As much as you love, Roy, it's kind of hard to override big brother instincts."

Oliver caught on to her meaning and had to smile in spite of the shudder a mental image of Roy and Thea in a compromising position gave him. "So they figure things out?"

"Yep," she said brightly. "In the usual Queen way.

He raised an eyebrow at that. "We have a way?"

"Letting things get to the point of spontaneous combustion. Thea knew since Slade's first attack that Roy was working with the Arrow but she let him keep his secrets until the Arrow broke into her apartment. She yelled at him to keep his new girlfriend under control. And he stood there and took it while she tried to beat him up. She was so upset that she didn't even notice John and I. Turns out she got sick of speculating about what was under the club too, since we're all coming through so often but she rarely sees us stay. Put an arrow through the circuit and kicked the door in. Speaking of we should really figure out a way to intruder proof the lair. People break in way too often. What do you think, biometrics or signal release? Like only someone from the inside can open it or two people have to input a code to release the door? Or maybe just enforcing the frame and putting in a heavier door?"

Oliver smirked. "You're trying to distract me. It's not going to work."

There was a rumble of a bike engine outside and Felicity launched out of his arms. "They're here." She leaned over and pecked him on the cheek. "I have to get to work but I'll call you later."

Her watched her in a state of numbness when she hugged Thea briefly at the door. "Oh I'm not sure he's had breakfast yet. And he still hasn't dressed," she said with frown of confusion. She seemed to be berating herself for that. "I'll keep my phone on."

Thea nodded. "He'll be fine. We will figure this out."

Roy followed Thea in. They were wearing matching hoodies. He wanted to snicker at the sight but he just couldn't muster the feeling of humour. "So she still works for Palmer?" he asked as she sat across from him on the coffee table.

"Of course she does. Felicity could never abandon anyone that asks for her help. She's loyal and compassionate like that. Can't escape the need to save bleeding hearts. First time she learned about you, that was literal or close to anyway. Or so I've been told." She flashed him a cheeky smile. "I knew you know, when you introduced her to us. I knew she wasn't like all the other girls I ever met." She gave him a shrewd look. "You're okay now aren't you? It's over?"

Oliver tried not to let his confusion show but Thea had known him and all his different masks for him to be totally successful. Roy had come in and sat on the armchair closest to Thea. He set a tray with a teapot and small Asian teacups down the coffee table next her her.

"This should help," he said.

He was partially right, he unique blend of green tea and island herbs was reassuring and had a grounding affect. This was familiar. Nothing else was at the moment. Despite the familiar faces, everyone had changed. Even Roy. He carried himself with confidence and his face had lost a little of its youthfulness. There was no boy left in the man sitting adjacent to him with a deceptively relaxed posture. The muscles beneath his jeans were tense and he was seated on the edge of the of the seat while casually leaning on one armrest. He was poised for action. Ready for anything.

"I'm I dangerous, Thea?" It was the only conclusion he coils draw from the reactions everyone had had upon the discovery of his sudden amnesia.

Roy gave Thea a startled look, and they shared a silent dialog with their eyes before Roy answered. "Is that a trick question? You honed yourself to be a weapon. You've got more scars than most war Vets. Are you a danger to us, not really but we're not sure what to expect right now. Felicity said you had a panic attack and you were acting like yourself, so you shouldn't be alone."

"I'm fine. I just got a bit turned around since I can't remember the past two years."

Thea gasped. "What happened last night?" She shot a look at Roy.

He shrugged. "We split up to head home. It's possible he could have run into trouble but as Felicity said, he would have used the emergency signal. Oliver's not reckless."

Thea snorted. "He would have follow procedure if he'd been able to. Oliver's not as fast as the Flash and he's not infallible."

"Thanks, Speedy," Oliver said with a grumble.

She bumped knees with him and flashed him her self assured smile. "That's what you keep me around for, my sharp wit and to keep you humble. Since I'm the only one who remembers what an idiot you used to be. And no, Laurel doesn't count because she had love blinders on for most of it."

Oliver resisted the urge to grab her and tickle her mercilessly, like he used to when they were kids and she was being particularly obnoxious. "I think we all agree I was a shallow, self important idiot before the island. Can we get back on track. How do you guys want to deal with this? What do I need to know? Or if you could all be quiet a second and I could find a candle, I could try to remember on my own."

Roy got up, presumably to find a candle and Thea got off the table, turned it in its side and lifted it out of the way, like she'd been moving objects bigger than her size all her life.

Oliver tried not to stare. She dusted her hands on her leggings and sat down cross legged on the floor. And looked at his chest. "Felicity's right, you do really have a skewed sense of self preservation. You do pneumonia is real, right?" Shaking her head, she got up with fluid grace and swept up the stairs taking them two at a time.

She came back with a black hoodie and grey sweatpants.

"Put those on. I'm going to make you some toast and eggs."

Oliver got to his feet and changed quickly. The hoodie was soft and warm and smelled slightly of a fresh scent with traces of bergamot. He knew whose perfume he was smelling and it made him smile.

Roy returned with a red pillar candle and set it alight. He put it in the floor and sat down in the spot Thea had been before. "Ready?"

Oliver assumed his meditation position and after a few minutes, he had the pleasure of reliving the fight with Ra's.

Thea was shaking him and Roy was holding him down, when he came out of his memories. He was sweating and disorientated. Roy got off his midsection, running his hand over his face to wipe away the stressed look on his face while Thea was openly crying.

Oliver was flat on his back half on the rug and half on the floorboards. The candle had been knocked over and there was wax on the carpet. He'd wait for it to dry and pick it off. Hopefully it wouldn't stain. At least he hadn't set the rug on fire.

Thea let out a shaking breath and picked him up off the floor hugging him tightly. "This is bad. Ollie, I'm so sorry you believed you had to do that. I wish you'd just told me." She was crying openly now. "I hate him so much. I understand why he did what he did. I'm his daughter so I have his DNA and I know I've got a few of his character flaws." She let him go to wipe her eyes and her cheeks. She pouted at him with watery eyes. "He felt threatened by you, so he saw it as the only way to get you out of my life. He knew he couldn't kill you himself, I would never forgive him for that. The bastard miscalculated how many people care about you and how well you all support each other. After Laurel told me about Sara, I started having nightmares. And I had confronted Roy before that so we had worked things out. And he recognised my nightmares for what they were. Repressed memories. We did what you just did and I remembered. I tried to kill him, again but Tommy beat me to it."

Oliver stiffened at grabbed her arm, searching her face for any sign he had misheard her. "Tommy's dead."

Thea shook her head. "He's not. Ra's had been looking for a way to punish Malcolm for a long time for starting the Undertaking. For breaking the League's code. He resurrected Tommy, using one of those Pits that he's used to keep himself alive for centuries. He brought Tommy back, twisted his memories and trained him to use as a weapon against our father. Malcolm's dead."

Oliver felt relieved for a moment that he no longer had to fear that Malcolm would hurt Thea. But it was short lived because Tommy was alive and he'd been trained as an assassin. And if what Thea was saying was true, he wasn't the Tommy he remembered. The Tommy he had known couldn't kill Malcolm Merlyn. Tommy wasn't a killer but his Master had turned him into one.

Oliver's mind reeled with all this new information. Felicity was right, a lot had happened in the past two years. Me he was no closer to remembering any of it.

"Is Felicity married?"

Thea choked and her eyes widened and Roy paled. He held his hands up and looked pleadingly at his girlfriend. "I'm not touching that one on pain of death," he said quickly.

Thea pushed at him playfully. "Coward." She let out a sigh and looked at Oliver. "To me you guys have been together so long in some way or another that I didn't even click till just now. Wow, no wonder you panicked. You're still in denial."

"I'm not," he growled.

Thea patted him indulgently on the arm. "Of course you are. You didn't ask her to marry you till baby surprise happened. You thought you could be all sneaky and make moon eyes at each other and that would make the danger and distraction less real.

"I don't blame, Felicity at all by the way. She tried to be the sensible one. I still remember that time she wore those skinny jeans of hers and she got flirty with Barry while you were sparring with John. He gave you a concussion and I don't know who she was more upset with, you for being distracted or him for hitting you so hard. And the whole time you just looked so hurt and pitifully confused." She laughed at him and even Roy smiled.

Oliver wanted to be annoyed at them but he couldn't. The nervous twitching in his muscles and his heart doing a staccato in his chest, along with his racing thoughts overrode everything else. Because Felicity was having his baby. His stomach rolled and he was suddenly very glad he hadn't eaten anything yet.

The smoke alarm went off. Thea jumped up cursing and Oliver's nose twitched when he realized why he could smell carbon gases. Thea had burnt his breakfast. The thought barely registered.

He was going to be a dad and Felicity was going to marry him. He felt his smile and he knew he must look like an insane person with how wide it felt but he couldn't help it. Somehow they were together. He had to see her.


	3. Heartbeat

While Thea was airing out the kitchen and scrubbing down the burnt frying pan, Oliver had made himself a green breakfast smoothie. Following that he had gone for a quick shower.

He found his car keys on the hook by the backdoor that led to the garage. "I'll be in the city. I'll see you at the Foundry later?" He didn't wait for confirmation. He headed out and was pulling out of the driveway before Roy caught up with him. Oliver waited while he jogged over to the driver's side window and handed him a cellphone.

"Just keep it on. Stay safe." Roy looked like he wanted to say more but decided against it and just shoved his hands in his pockets. Roy watched him drive away and Oliver noticed that he didn't head back inside until he turned out of the street.

While he drove, Oliver called Felicity. She answered on the first ring.

"Hey, I can't talk right now. I'll call you back," she said softly. He could hear another voice in the background but he didn't recognise it.

He had parked at the mall and was browsing a florist when she called back.

"Sorry, I was in a meeting? How are you feeling?"

Oliver smiled at the concern for him in her voice. "I'm fine, Felicity. You left kind of in a hurry this morning."

She sighed. "I overslept and I had a meeting but we were out of dog food so I had to run down to the mini-mart. And I didn't want to wake you."

His grin widened. She was rambling which meant she was nervous. She was adorable when she babbled and lost her censor. She got very honest and he loved that she could be unguarded around him. "I'd like to meet you for lunch. Corner cafe?"

"Sure," she replied and he could hear the smile in her voice. "Love you, and I'll see you at 1."

Oliver felt as though time had frozen. She had said, Love you... She said it so casually, so easily as though she had said it a hundred times before. He had never doubted that Felicity cared. She watched out for him, made cover excuses for him, tended to him when he got hurt, did whatever he asked even when he got impatient or didn't treat her right or show appreciation for the time and effort she put into helping him. He often forgot that his crusade wasn't hers. That she did the job because he asked her to. Because she wanted to be there for him. She had no desire to fight, to don a suit and patrol. She understood the need for the Arrow, for the team behind the Arrow but he knew she would rather there wasn't a need at all.

While he felt elated knowing she loved him, he also felt saddened that he couldn't remember the first time she had told him.

He picked up a pot of pinkish peonies. The touch of pink reminded him of Felicity's lips. She had always enjoyed making the lair more homely, perhaps these would be okay with artificial light. Otherwise they'd find a nice home in the window seat in the bedroom. He chose peonies over roses because they were just as pretty but thornless, and smelled sweeter, more delicate. Like her. Felicity was petite and beautiful, her exterior was deceptive because it hid a powerful determination and enduring strength. She thought Sara was the only one who had that tough, survival instinct. She was wrong. She under valued her own grit, and so did their enemies. He was so grateful that Slade had underestimated her. He had hated to put her at risk but she had been right. The only way they had been able to beat him was to let him think he had won. That Oliver was afraid and still had something precious to protect.

He thought of waiting at the cafe for her but decided it might be nice to pick her up from the office. He hadn't been to Palmer Technologies since that fateful night he refused to tell anyone about. Instead of being able to tell the woman he loved, that he wanted to be with her but didn't know how, he had a crazy stalker who tried to kill them both like a twisted Romeo and Juliet fantasy. He had survived to watch Felicity kiss someone else instead.

Oliver rode up in the elevator from the lobby and didn't fail to notice how people watched him in surprise.

So he didn't visit Felicity at work. He found that odd. They were getting married and having a baby. Or did he still believe that he should be keeping her a secret?

He stepped off the elevator and headed for her office. She wasn't there. He stood outside waiting for her to come back when he heard her laugh.

He turned around to see her walking with Ray Palmer. Ray had opened her door for her and ushered her in with his hand on the small of her back.

"I'll see you later?"

Felicity nodded. "I'll stay for as long as I can."

Neither of then noticed him standing in her office. Ray left without looking in his direction, already lost in thought over whatever he was reading on his tablet and Felicity startled when she finally noticed him. She glanced at the plant in his arms and blushed.

"Oliver?" she said breathlessly.

Oliver felt his neck heat up. "I don't come to see you, do I?"

Felicity hurried to her desk to drop her files on the surface and came over to relieve him of the plant. She could read the stiffness in his posture but she didn't shy away from touching him and for that he was extremely grateful. If she had acted guilty he didn't know how he would have handled that.

"Are you still Team Arrow?" he asked quietly. "Do you still believe in me?"

Felicity squeezed his hand hard and pinched his arm. "That's for thinking I'd ever give up on you. I'm ready for lunch, so let's go." She tugged him from her office and punched the call button.

They didn't speak again until the walked the block to the cafe. She sat opposite him but took his hand again. "We don't go out much, Oliver. While you don't do the social scene anymore and you're not the high profile billionaire CEO of Queen Consolidated, Starling still love their resurrected ex-playboy. You didn't want to bring attention to us, so while we're not hiding from the ones we love, we keep a low profile. Which means you don't drop by my office, even though I love that you did." She squeezed his hand again and smiled sadly at him. "It's the life we chose, and I don't regret it for a second. I know who we are, Oliver, and I don't need anyone to tell me that we make a beautiful couple, or that I'm lucky to have snagged a billionaire or have Twitter make a weird hashtag trending us, to tell me what's real. I have you and that's all I ever wanted."

Her eyes shone with her truth and his heart soared. He felt invincible and lighter than he had ever felt in his life. There was no burden on his shoulders, the weight of his father's guilt and sacrifice, his mother's, his fears of failure, failing the city, failing the ones he loved didn't weight him down in that moment. He could look in her eyes, feel her love and he felt free and strong. Strong enough to face anything. He could feel his heart beating in his chest. It was racing but not with fear, with hope. She gave him that. She had always been his lighthouse, giving him direction and protection from the dangers shrouded by the darkness all around him.

He wasn't sure how it had happened but instead of ordering food, he had come around the table and kissed her. The kiss had been gentle, exploratory at first. Their first kiss for him had been far too brief for him to fully appreciate and the look of disappointment she had given him after had caused the euphoria he had felt to quickly dissipate.

He fully intended to kiss her thoroughly this time and he had no intention of letting her regret it or pull away before he was sure he had sufficiently reduced her to incoherency. Her lips were so soft and moist without being wet. They were as luscious as they appeared. He had tasted many different kinds of lipstick and the ones that Felicity used didn't feel oily, taste metallic or make him want to wipe his mouth. If anything he thought he could taste a hint of coconut and vanilla mingled with a taste unique to her and he was addicted. His worries, the tension in his body, his stress all of it fell away. She became his focus point, her taste, her scent, the feel of her in his arms, her lips on his, the touch of her tongue, her fingers cupping his face, his ears, nothing else existed for him. At her caress, a bolt of heat shot from his ears straight to his groin and he had to pull away to ground himself and remember where they were. He touched his forehead to hers and her arms looped around his neck.

His hands drifted to her hips which were rounded now and as he held her, he felt movement against his left wrist. Their child. He closed his eyes and just breathed she in, letting the feeling of pride at their creation wash over him. It was a new panomenon for him. He thought being in love with someone was it. You were or you weren't. There wasn't supposed to be varying levels. It had never been his experience. He didn't know it could grow to the extent where your heart felt like it would burst open, and then still ache and expand some more. But he was learning because that's how much she made him feel.

"Do you think your boss will notice if you come back late?"

Felicity didn't remove her arms from around his shoulders and shook her head. "I've hit the super horny stage of this project, if you don't get me out of here soon, we might just get done for indecent exposure."

Oliver didn't need to be told twice. He dropped a twenty on the table and swept her away. They were snickering and hugging each other like a couple of teenagers all the way to his car.

He couldn't keep his hands off her, she kept stoking his buzz-cut and the sensations were doing insane things to his libido. He kissed her and swallowed her cries as he brought her to orgasm through her panties. She was flushed and slightly out of breath when she fell back in the passenger seat from clinging desperately to his shoulders while he made her come. Her lips were swollen from his kisses and her eyes were bright. Her face radiant from hormones and her cheeks blushed, she never looked more beautiful. He wanted to be inside her. He wanted to hold her and never let go.

She put her hand over his where it rested on the gear shift. "Drive, handsome. Before I start handling the other shaft."

Oliver started the car and peeled out of the space. He did his best to avoid meeting her eyes or acknowledge where her hand was moving, since he wanted to make it home quickly and safely. She was giving him hungry, predatory looks and it was making it almost impossible to concentrate. When he took her, he wanted it to be in a bed, where he could take his time and have her fully bared to him.


	4. Ghosts

Oliver undressed her slowly. He savoured the feeling of each touch he felt of her smooth skin. Her muscles were firm but she was all satiny smooth softness over those lean muscles.

She didn't have any tan lines and her skin was an even cream tone. She probably didn't get a chance to spend a lot of time in the sun between work and Arrow time. He made a note to ask about her Vitamin D levels. They had to be more important right now for her.

She was trying to strip him down as much as he was divesting her but he wouldn't let her get at his black short briefs. It had been awhile since he had been with anyone and he knew if he was going to last he need to keep his pants on while he spent some time on her first. The last time he'd had sex he had been with Sara and he had stopped when she realized she still loved Nyssa and she had pointed out that it was a good thing he'd said something because she thought he was in love with someone else too, he just didn't realize it yet. Sara had always been perceptive. She had never named Felicity but he remembered her always smiling fondly at them whenever he would hover near Felicity's desk.

He loved Sara's energy, her gift of being able to accept anyone, her strength and her passionate nature but he had never been in love with her. She had always been his friend, and later his equal both in the fight they had chosen to take against those that threatened their loved ones and the ghosts of the island that they couldn't shake. He would always miss her but it wasn't painful. Not like he had felt when Shado had been killed. Maybe because he had felt directly responsible for her death. And because he had been falling for her. Shado was easy to love, just as Felicity was. They both had an innate gracefulness about them. And a deceptively fragile exterior, when they were anything but. He hadn't even considered the similarities in their character until Slade had mentioned understanding the appeal of Felicity.

Like Shado, Felicity had seen value in him. Sometime worth nurturing. She could have walked away after handing him over to Diggle that night his mother shot him but she had stayed. And she had fought to keep them together and focused ever since.

He wore the hood in her memory, he used a bow and refined his skill in gratitude to Shado, but everything he was today was because of Felicity. She believed in him. And he fought against his darker nature, the black part of his soul because she believed in him. She believed that there was still goodness inside him, something worth redeeming. He owed her everything. She was invaluable to him as a person and her expertise for his work as the Arrow and he knew he never showed her enough, how much he appreciated her, intelligence, her wit, her strength, her wisdom and her level-head. It never ceased to amaze him how she could get the whole team to focus when tension was running high.

It didn't matter whether he was growling at her, if she was doing half a dozen tasks at once or she had a bomb around her neck, she never lost her ability to get things done. Except for when it came to heights, he mused. It showed just how much she trusted him, even back when they'd just started working together - stuck in that elevator shaft, and a few years ago when he had to launch them both out of his office window. She was scared - scared witless of heights but Felicity had trusted him. She still did. It gave him unquantifiable strength, knowing that.

He ran his hands over her shoulders and down her arms, linking their hands. He led her to the bed and sat her on the edge. He reached around to unhook her bra. With his other hand he slid her panties from her hips and down her legs. He gently urged her to part them so he could kneel between them before he held her to his chest and kissed her again.

She kept one hand splayed over his back and the other curled around the nape of his neck. Her thumb absently started stroking and when she brushed behind his ear, he growled into their kiss and she smiled against his lips. She knew what she was doing. She scooted closer and rubbed herself over his clothed erection. He pulled away and dipped his head down. She let out a keen noise as he stroked her with his tongue. He kept up his slow steady pace until she was begging, crying and moaning in equal measure. She begged him to stop and get inside her already but he wouldn't stop, because as much as her voice pleaded, her hands pulled his face closer. The end of his nose bumping her bundle of nerves with every upward and downward swipe of his tongue.

"Oliver! Babe please," she begged, her hands falling away from his head as she collasped against the bed, her back arching as she cried out in a wail, her legs trembling as she came apart against his tongue.

He gentled his licks and soothed her spasaming muscles, her whole body trembling while cradled in his arms, held firmly with his hands. She tugged at him weakly and when she drew him closer for a kiss, he was sure she must have tasted herself on him and it made him twitch and harden further. He finally removed his pants and let her gaze wander down his form before he moved.

Oliver lifted her and positioned them up the bed, so that she was nestled in the pillows. She looked so breathtaking against the crimson sheets. Her pale skin radiant in the mid-afternoon sunlight, a fine sheen of sweat glistening on her body from post-orgasm. Felicity opened her eyes and met his gaze with pupils dilated with desire. She bit down on her bottom lip and a long shuddering exhaled left her nose and tickled his chin. He captured her lips again and supported her legs over his arms as he slowly made them one.

He had to close his eyes to keep from letting go. It was so intense, the feeling of her around him, the oneness and completion he felt. She was warm and snug and her muscles drew him in, rippling gently, so tight but slick. He was buried deeply in her and he could feel her cervix. He could feel her hands on his stomach, her nails lightly raking upward.

"Move, Oliver. I need it hard. Missed you so much," she said her voice soft and breathy.

Olive groaned when she squeezed him in punishment for his delay. He pulled back and surged forward hard in response. She squealed and arched away from him, but begged for more instead of putting a restraining hand on him.

He watched her face as he kept his pace, a look of twisted pleasure pain there at every thrust and her hair was getting twisted behind her as she thrashed her head from side to side each time he drove in hard.

The wetness was growing between them that he could glide in and out faster and harder. She was wailing and moaning loudly now and he quickened, loving the sounds she was making just for him.

She tightened around him suddenly before her muscles rippled and spasmed stroking him with rhythmic clutching motions. He kept driving back and forth as long as he could and stroked her clit when he could feel himself nearing release. She screamed and arched against the bed, her eyes tightly closed and her head thrown back as she came even harder than before. Essence flooded from deep inside her as he finally let go himself. As he slowed his movements, he could feel the mingling of their lovemaking leaking. Loathed to move at all, he grabbed his discarded t-shirt and wiped her down and himself before cradling her close.

"You're everything, Felicity. You're my light in the darkness. I love you, and I never want to take for granted that you love me back."

He felt tears splash against his chest and he had to crane his head awkwardly, and tip her chin up so she would meet his gaze. "I hope those are happy tears or you could do serious damage to a guy's ego."

Felicity snorted and poked him in the side playfully. "Jerk. Of course they're happy. Blissfully euphoric and sore, but in the best way," she added hurriedly when she saw his frown. "You were kind of uptight about sex until we had our 28 week scan and doc gave us a glowing report on Baby Queen. She is perfect, so I've been dying to jump your bones but you've still been twitchy. So yeah, I'm one happy whale right now."

Oliver slapped her bottom. And she yelped. "A whale does not have a behind like yours." He rubbed slow circles over the smarting spot. "If only you could see yourself the way I see you," he said his voice hitching.

He brushed her hair away from her face so he could see every angle and curve clearly. He was careful not to catch his fingers on any of her piercings. At least he could see her eyes without her glasses obscuring them. Often the lights of the lair or the glow of her screens reflected in the lenses and he couldn't read her eyes. He loved the expressions he could read from her eyes. He could easily tell if she was happy, or sad, annoyed or angry. Right now she was both happy and sad. There was a tiny twitch to her irises, even though her whites sparkled. The twitch meant she was thinking hard. You didn't think hard about being happy.

"Come back to me, Oliver," she said softly. Her voice breaking.

Oliver felt his movements grow sluggish a he continued to hold her close and run his hand over her back and shoulders. Exhaustion was pulling at him and he hoped that she would stay a little longer in his arms. Maybe even until he fell asleep.

It wasn't till his eyes closed that he realized what she had said. Why would he need to come back? He was already home...


	5. Fallen

Felicity didn't move. Shell shocked, she watched him ascend the stairs, dressed more casually than she had ever seen him. With that messenger bag slung over his chest like he was merely going out for a leisurely weekend hike.

He'd dropped the L word again. This time he'd said it with a smile on his face and no hint of fear. This time it wasn't a ploy to lure Slade. There was no room for misinterpretation. She was one petrified mass of chaotic indecision in that moment. Did she tear after him, beg him to stay, throw herself at him bodily and ask him to have sex with her. One glorious send off so that he would have added incentive to come back? She gulped at the thought. Did she even have a nerve to do that? Players were often forbidden to have sex before a big game. She growled at the comparison her brain supplied. This wasn't a game. He was entering a grudge match to the death to protect Thea. Trial by combat of the ancient times rarely ended peacefully. There was only maiming and death. A leader needed to know that his rule, his law, his position would never again be questioned by the challenger. Also some believed that the fairest judgement was dealt by the hands of Fate.

So Felicity started praying because she didn't believe in fate but she did believe in a powerful Almighty God. And she knew that He believed in using wisdom and foresight to help yourself. She had means and she had connections. Oliver had always believed in working alone. Never wanted to ever put anyone else in danger. He still had a lot to learn about what being part of a team entailed.

Ra's knew that Oliver was the Arrow. What he didn't know was that Arrow was more than any single person.

A warm strong hand squeezed her shoulder and Felicity jumped before accepting his familiar touch. "Please tell me we're not seriously letting him face this alone?"

Diggle shook his head. "He doesn't want anyone else on Ra's' or the League's radar. But there's no way we let him go out there without back up. Hasn't happened since we started this team and not about to let it start now. No one goes anywhere without back up, whether it's visual, tactic or technical," he finished with an acknowledging smile.

Roy grabbed his bow. Felicity shook her head and put a staying hand on his arm. "We go incognito, Roy. We can't have the League suspect us. I have a few calls to make."

A few minutes later, she returned and started putting on Oliver's old vest, twisted her hair into a tight chignon and pulled on a black beanie to cover her blonde locks and wrapped a scarf around her neck for warmth. She clipped one of Palmer Technologies' customised smart watches around her wrist and Roy raised an eyebrow at her accessory. "Kind of turned it into a lucky charm after the whole crazy-ex thing. It's kinetic powered, battery boosted, built in WiFi and has a direct connection to Queen Consolidated... grrr...Palmer's Satellites, can't get that one straight at the best of times. I may have tweaked the software so it's Smoak proofed."

Roy snorted with a grin. "I'm going to remember that one."

Felicity poked his shoulder. "Only I'm allowed to use that idiom."

Roy pretended to look shocked when she turned but he quickly masked it when she looked back at him. She pressed a comm unit into his hands. "We'll keep in touch and if there's anything hinky, you get in here and monitor things. I've tasked an ARGUS satellite to move into position but it won't start broadcasting unless you activate my final protocols. It will dump the feed to a remote server. ARGUS won't have any record of it. All you need to do is hit Ctrl + Enter, okay?"

Roy nodded. Diggle took in her appearance. "Where do you want me?"

"I need you to meet up with Dr. Hamilton. Oliver asked me to look into him when I joined Team Arrow. He's been the family physician for years but he was also the one who looked over Oliver and saw all his scars and breaks when he came back to Starling. Thought it might be a good idea to have an actual physician on standby should we need one and he is trustworthy. Hamilton promised to have a room prepped. I'm praying we won't need it, but life favours the prepared. I'll text you the address. Roy, you're on Thea watch."

Roy put the comm. in his ear and shoved his hands in his jeans. "No problem. What's the panic word?"

"Huntress," Felicity said her lips twisting into a scowl.

Diggle snorted. "Nice." He retrieved another comm. from the rack and checked the frequency before putting it on. "We'll be ready. Keep your head down out there okay."

"I'll be fine, John. I have a plan."

When the wind picked up and her face felt like it was going to freeze in a permanent squinting expression, she was beginning to doubt the infallibility of her plan. She had her stocked medic kit on her back and full sash of Arrow grenades ready to create a distraction should she need to call in her cavalry to retrieve Oliver, whatever condition he might be in. She hadn't told anyone but her back up yet that she had planted trackers in all of Oliver's shoes and belts awhile ago. He tended to get caught a lot and she wanted to know that she could always find him if she needed to. For his own good.

"You sure you don't want a hand? I'm getting chills just watching you."

"The tracker won't keep up with your movement and you're supposed to stay out of sight."

"I resent that comment. I can stake out with the best of them. Besides, I left the suit at home like you asked. Let me help."

Felicity swept over the same spot again and again the tracker kept indicating her current location. "This can't be it, there's nothing here."

A figure dress in a bulky Fireman's uniform and a yellow beanie appeared beside her. He looked up at the sheer cliff face. "He had to climb that?"

Felicity followed his line of sight and trembled violently. "Oliver can do a lot of things I'll never be capable of." She looked at the blanket of white beneath her feet and checked her reading again. He should be here. "The signal triangulates right here."

"Well step back and let the pro go to work."

He gave her his toothy smile which would normally make her feel warm and fuzzy inside but with Oliver missing, all she felt was numb.

After a few seconds he stood on her opposite side and he was seemingly rooted to the spot and it was the first time she'd ever seen Barry speechless. Scratch that, first time he learned Oliver was the Arrow he was awestruck for a moment but this was a different kind of shock. She was almost too afraid to look at what he found. She mustered her courage and forced herself to move.

Out of several craters Barry had dug, one was partially stained with pink, red snow and there amongst the ice and powdered snow lay a slightly blue, half clothed Oliver. His torso ravaged and bloodied, one arm laying at an unnatural angle and his face stained with blood. Her hand flew to her mouth to stifle the scream that clawed at her throat, she tripped over her own feet to get closer and narrowly missed putting her hand directly on the grisly wound in his chest.

"I'm am so..."

She glared at him sharply and cut him off, "Don't you dare say it. Help me with him."

Barry let his arms hang at his sides. "There's nothing left to do," he argued, his voice hitching. Just looking at his friend frozen and lifeless. His body cut into like a pig to the slaughter. He felt his gut roll and clenched his eyes shut.

"Get a stretcher with restraints. We are going through with the plan. He needs critical surgery."

Barry's jaw dropped. "You can't be serious. He doesn't have a pulse. He's not breathing."

Felicity stood quickly and planted her hands on her hips. "If you care at all, listen to me carefully. Every second I spend arguing with you is a second wasted. I'm not giving up until we've done everything we possibly can. Now move!" she yelled in her loud voice .

Thankfully he didn't argue anymore and by the time he got back, Felicity had put a neck brace on Oliver, had strapped his broken arm in a splint, thrown field dressings over his wounds and wrapped him in a thermal blanket. She had worked at a frantic pace with detached efficiency. It was only now that she was strapping him in with Barry's help that the adrenaline was wearing off and she was beginning to shake.

"Help me get him up. I'll come straight back for you," he said softly.

Felicity nodded while fighting back tears and in a gust of wind with the stretcher on his back, Barry disappeared. He was back a short while later and when she felt the world sway to an abrupt stop, she was standing outside the surgery doors. A gust told her that Barry had left for Central City. Oliver didn't trust Dr. Wells and he made a point to let the team know what he wanted to limit what the Dr. knew about them. Barry's absence from his city had hopefully gone unnoticed.

Diggle was wearing scrubs and he looked like he was arguing with Dr. Hamilton. The doctor stood at least three feet away from the table. That was not a good sign.

Felicity pushed through the doors. "Why aren't you working?"

"He's dead. No life signs and obviously fatal wounds. There's nothing I can do."

Her jaw dropped. "You saw yourself what this man can survive. Isn't there some saying about warm and dead. I read about a baby surviving in a morgue drawer hours after being pronounced dead at birth. You'll do everything your training has taught you to heal the human body, Dr. or so help me, you'll wish you never saw my face. I will ruin you. Work on him like you would if you wanted to save your own life. That's all I ask."

The doctor nodded once and picked up his scalpel. Felicity went back outside to change and scrub down. She had no intention of sitting this out.

While she stripped off, she spoke to Roy, "Arsenal, we have the package. We're with the Doc. Switching off comms. Stay on task. Will let you know when we have an update."

It was a long and slow process. While Dr. Hamilton and Diggle worked to repair the damage to Oliver's stomach and liver as well as the extensive muscle and soft tissue damage, Felicity washed and sterilized Oliver's battered body. Her nose ran and her eyes kept leaking a steady stream if tears into her face mask but she kept working. She washed his face and cleaned the blood from his lips. Under Dr. Hamilton's direction Diggle had done a cricothyrotomy. The bruising around Oliver's neck suggested that his trachea may have collapsed. She was careful not to disturb any of the tubes and fixed extra tape on them after she'd cleaned all the blood away.

She took off his dirty wet boots and socks, and cut away his bloodied ice crusted pants. She pulled a sterile sheet up to cover his semi nakedness and fetched more swabs and povidone-iodine for the doctor when it was obvious he was running low. She treated needles before he could ask and went in search of more dressings when a few accidentally got knocked to the floor. Felicity could tell she made Hamilton nervous but she didn't trust him to work properly without her there.

Finally he set down his instruments after every wound was stitched up. "We warm him up and pray for a miracle."

Felicity thought he'd finally said something worth hearing. She wheeled across the tray of medical heat bags they had prepared and started passing them out. They buried Oliver in them, careful to avoid his wounds. And covered his body with a thermal sheet.

"Come back to us, Oliver ," she said stroking his head gently. "Don't go where we can't follow."

There was an electronic hum and instinctively, she stepped back.

"Clear."

Oliver pulsed and thumped on the table. Felicity jerked right along with him. Several times Hamilton shocked him, searching for a rhythm, upping the voltage and giving him adrenalin, and each time there was no change.

When the doctor stowed the paddles and sent her a despairing pitying look, Felicity saw red. She nudged him out of the way as she came around the bed and got up on the table. She supported her own weight but knew she needed leverage of being in this position to do this properly. She beat down in his sternum and begged him each time she did to come back.

After the third time, she saw John moving to intervene out of the corner of her eye. She was about to warn him to back off when Oliver lurched beneath her, almost knocking her clear off balance. She had to brace herself on his shoulders as he thrashed and shook. His pulse jumped wildly for a few moments before it levelled out. All the while she didn't let go.

When he finally stilled, his heartbeat slightly elevated but holding steady, she allowed John to help her down.

Felicity curled against John and began to shake and sob uncontrollably. "I figured he's got a rock hard skull, to get to his heart would take the sledge hammer approach," she sniffled. She pulled her mask down blowing her nose with it. She tore off her gloves and them them all in the disposal. "I can't lose him, John ."

Diggle kissed her forehead and squeezed her tight, all but crushing her and dwarfing her in his arms. "You saved him, Felicity. Every time, you saved him and when he's up and awake, we're never going to let him forget it."

Dr. Hamilton managed to relax once the scrubs were off and Oliver's O2 levels were healthier, his body temp had returned to normal range and his heartbeat continued to hold steady. Saving a life was obviously a good morale booster and a unique bonding experience.

"Your passion must be exhausting," he said tiredly, surveying her thoughtfully.

Felicity let her hair down and collected the pins in her hands, enjoying the sensation of the tiny slivers if metal between her fingers. The tactile sensation was soothing for her frayed nerves and kept her fingers busy.

"You never get time to be exhausted with Oliver. It seems like he never stops or sleeps, so how can I?"

"That's not healthy. You can't hope to function that way long term. I understand that his experiences with trauma will have damaged his ability to let go, relax and allow himself to rest but there are therapies that can help."

Felicity snorted. Oliver would have to accept that he had baggage before he could hope to deal with his nightmares. He seemed to be under the impression that being irritable, a serial insomniac and solving aggression issues by putting arrows in bad guys as an outlet was normal.

But he was safe. He was breathing and he would mend. They could work on everything else later. She was good at slow. She could be patient if she knew what the end game held.

Before she left his recovery room, she leaned in close and gently kissed his forehead. It was still a little cool to the touch but perfectly unmarred. "Love you," she whispered for his unconscious ears alone.


	6. Truth

Quentin Lance was not an ignorant man. He knew that Laurel was keeping something from him, and during the family dinner he realised that Dinah knew what it was and they were both keeping their silence. Either they thought he was oblivious to their frequent eye contact and silent conversion or they hoped he wouldn't notice. Neither thought impressed him. Didn't they know by now that their family secrets always meant someone or everyone got hurt in the end? One of the biggest reasons his and Dinah's marriage broke down was because of their inability to communicate about anything meaningful. He hadn't ever spoken about work or his worries and she had never shared her unhappiness and her disappointment over benched dreams. The cracks had started years ago, when the girls had been still been in grade school. The accident and losing Sara had just been a catalyst.

"Hi Sweetie," he greeted his daughter when she appeared in his doorway. He was about to ask her what she needed when a familiar but unexpected face appeared.

"Nyssa, not to sound ungrateful but unless you've come with Sara I had hoped not to find you in our city again," he said with both a frown and a sardonic smile. He knew it wasn't a good idea to bait a woman who could kill him with a pen but he couldn't help but feel that it weren't for her, Sara would have stayed in Starling.

Nyssa was unmoved by the silent plea for silence by Laurel and placed a small locket on his desk. "In the League when we take our vows, all other bonds become secondary . Family, lovers, friends, we care for them but our mission and our code comes first. When Sara came to Starling on a mission, one which would be her last, she left this behind. I believe you gave it to her as a birthday present."

Quentin took the locket and read the inscription inside. "Little bird, home is always here. Love Dad."

"Where is Sara?" he asked his voice hard. It was his interrogation persona and Laurel was startled to hear it. She had never been the room while he went into this mode. Somehow watching through double sided glass offered a measure if detachment.

"Oliver killed her. At her request, we are led to believe. He offered to settle the blood debt and my father accepted."

Laurel gasped, her eyes wide. "He wouldn't. There's a reason, you're not looking at this clearly."

Nyssa sent her a glare that would have sent a lesser woman cowering. "We gave you time to find the killer. If you had told your father months ago, it may not have come to this. Oliver settled the debt and his death was honourable. Justice is served and Starling is safe from the wrath of The Demon.

Ta-er al-Sahfer has been avenged."

Quentin watched as the assassin masquerading as a corporate paper pusher, swept out of his office as quietly as she'd breezed in.

Laurel stood her eye wide and wet, staring at him like he was going to fall apart at any moment.

"Do you think they would have made me Captain if they thought I couldn't handle it?" he asked, his tone deathly soft. "She was your sister Laurel but she was also my daughter. I don't know how were going to get past this one, kid. The drugs and the alcohol I could understand, but this... I know the why but I can't accept it. I can't," he pound his fist down on the desk. "And Oliver supposedly killed her? I know that man, Laurel. He's capable of a lot of things but not this. He loved Sara."

"And he loves Starling," Laurel said quietly. "If the League threatened the city I know what he would have done." She stood immobilised, her files clutched tightly to her chest with white knuckled fists, all but forgotten.

"I've got calls to make. And then you and I are going to take a drive. You're going to take me to Sara. I'll pick you up in about an hour."

Laurel could do nothing but nod wordlessly at his order.

::: ::: :::

Thea finished talking to the DJ and moved over to the bar where Roy was stacking dishwasher trays with dirty glasses to take to the kitchen.

"Don't think I haven't noticed you hovering," she said. "Where's the rest of the gang?"

Roy tried to look confused by her comment. It wasn't hard since he wasn't sure what he was supposed to say to that. "Ah, I'm hovering?"

"Sure you are," Thea said nonchalantly. "Your buddy seems convinced that my father was the root of all evil so the apple must not have fallen far from the tree. He has you watching me, doesn't he?"

Roy wiped his hands on a dishrag and threw it down over the bar. "So are finally going to talk about this? I knew you must have figured it out. That's why you left isn't it. Because you thought I lied to you?"

"You did lie, Roy," Thea snapped. "Then again, everyone does. Poor little innocent Thea. We can't tell her the truth. She can't handle it."

With everything Oliver was doing for Thea, his unwavering faith in her, how distant and now accusatory she was now being, how she was lying about Merlyn, like she was protecting him, something just snapped inside Roy. "You don't get to point fingers. You might be Oliver's sister and I care about you but you don't know what you're talking about. I keep secrets that aren't mine to tell. Yes, I work with the Arrow and yes, I wear a red hood and mask but I don't kill people. At least not when I'm in control," he said in a frustrated, dispassionate voice before meeting her eyes in alarm. Thea hadn't been in control, he hadn't even made the connection till just now. He shook off the shock and gave her a searching look. "Merlyn is an assassin with The League of Assassins, Thea. He kills because it's what he swore an oath to do. The Demon's Hands are what they're known as. And now the League want him dead just as much as the people in the Glades do, for what he did with the Undertaking. Have you forgotten what he did to your father, to Oliver, to Walter, why do you think your mom went along with the whole thing? She was terrified of him. He threatened her family. And he'd already succeeded in killing one of them."

As he spoke and became more impassioned he didn't notice how pale Thea was becoming.

"He's cold, calculating and manipulative, Thea. He's incapable of love. You're just a tool to him. Something he can forge into his own image. Something we both know he tried and failed to do with Tommy.

"Oliver's probably the only one who could protect you from him and now Merlyn's made sure that he's out of the picture."

Roy believed in Oliver. He was in awe of his skill and his mental and physical discipline but he had heard Sara talk about Ra's and he'd seen Nyssa, his daughter, in action. He knew Felicity would do everything she could but he had heard what she hasn't said by the sound of her voice. Oliver's life was hanging in the balance. He could already be dead.

A tear slipped down Thea's cheek. She had felt strange, anxious all day since Oliver had left her. What he had said to her and how he had held her before he left, it had stayed with her. Nagging at her. Something was going on and her father seemed to be at the center of it.

"What did does Malcolm Merlyn have to do with Oliver now?"

"He threatened you. The League wants him dead but it's a little hard to kill some with his money and connections, especially since he's supposedly already dead. So he told Oliver they would target you." He knew he was embellishing a little but until Thea remembered or somehow discovered Merlyn's manipulations herself, he wouldn't load her with that truth.

Thea gasped. "What could Oliver possibly do against an entire League?"

"Not the whole league. Just their leader. He offered himself to settle the debt in your place."

Thea felt blindly for a chair. "Ollie?" she whispered brokenly.

"Felicity found him but I don't know how bad it is yet. I can ask her, if you can see him. It might be important. He did this because he loves you, Thea. I don't understand it, I've never had that kind of faith in people, that kind of loyalty. I consider Oliver my family. And I will protect him, even from you if I have to. If you choose Merlyn, just know that I can't, I won't let him do something like this again. So choose us, I'm begging you."

Thea wiped her eyes and shot him an angry glare. "I choose Ollie, Roy. And just for the record it's not because he's my brother, or because of your ultimatum, but because he told me he would never ask me to choose and I believe him."

She got to her feet and waved at him impatiently. "Now tell Portia to lock up, we're going downstairs right now."

"Ah, why?"

She gave him a withering look. "Because that's where you all hang out, isn't it?"

Roy shook his head in a long suffering manner. "I can call and ask if I can bring you to see your brother. Meeting Team Arrow isn't a call I can make right now."

In the end he had offered to take Thea home and it wasn't till he spoke with Felicity the next morning that he could give Thea an answer.

"You what?" Felicity took a calming breath and counted backward. "Well, what's done is done and I actually agree with you that she should know, even if it isn't want Oliver wants. I wish we could help her remember because she needs to know just how dangerous Merlyn is and how to protect herself from him."

Roy nodded even though she couldn't see him. "That's what I thought. And she figured out I'm working with Arrow. She's known since Slade's war and I think that's why she left. Because I didn't tell her about it. I don't want to lie to her, Felicity. I hate what it does to her. She needs to know she can trust me. I want her to trust me, I really care about her. It doesn't matter that she's got Malcolm Merlyn's DNA. It only worries me if she chooses for him to be her father rather than a random donor. He's done nothing to be worthy of bring given that honor."

Thea overhead him say that last part and felt an instinctive urge to defend Merlyn but then she reassessed what he hah actually done for her. Yes, he had trained her but he had hurt her pretty badly to do it. Repeatedly, sometimes even when she had begged for a break, time to recover or said she'd had enough.

She had seen how Roy's fighting style had changed. She wondered if Arrow's training was different. If she hadn't even found his gear or watched him fight, she never would have suspected that Roy had convinced the Arrow to let him help.

So why did she feel a sense of loyalty to Merlyn, that seemed to override all her other instincts? Even with Ollie she felt torn. Her head started to ache. Was it his money? He had pretty much give her control over everything. Thea shook her head. Her Dad had left her a very healthy trust fund and with both her parents gone, she and Oliver had an equal share of the entire Queen estate. Granted they hadn't done a lot with it since much of it had been absorbed by Rochev when she took over Queen Consolidated, but there were investments that had remained untouched. Walter had handled things after their father had died and was careful to keep assets bought for the family separate to those belonging to the the Company. She didn't need Malcolm's money so what was it? Was she afraid on what people would think? Oliver had more than proved what he would do to protect her and even though she didn't always approve of the Arrow's methods, she did believe he was protecting the city and he had saved her more than once. Oliver had endured some terrible things on the island. He still hadn't told her everything he might never, being her big brother an all but she did know he loved her and he always looked out for her. It was time to repay the favour. Roy wouldn't lie about something like this. He told lies out of misguided attempts to protect her but he wasn't capable of cooking up a story like this. Which meant she would now protect her big brother from the monsters in the dark. There big bad being Malcolm Merlyn. Her heart and head where pounding were tandem now but she pushed through it. Pain was merely a focusing tool. If you were in pain you were still alive and you could channel that energy into the will to fight.

Thea took a steadying breath and picked up her keys. She had let Roy stay on the couch last night so they could leave the moment he got word.

Roy caught her movement and startled mid-conversation. He frowned at the pinching between her brows. He mouthed if she was okay.

Thea shook her head. "I'll feel better then I see Ollie."

She couldn't have been more wrong.


	7. Nightmares

Felicity chewed the end of her pen anxiously. She was going over her department reports while, Dr. Hamilton changed Oliver's IV bags. He was on a glucose and saline drip, as well as blood and morphine.

If he was conscious, she knew Oliver would have protested the last one but he wasn't, so it was the good doctor's prerogative. She had put her foot down at an induced coma. Emil had wanted to keep Oliver under until his blood pressure was better and the swelling in his brain had reduced but Felicity knew that Oliver would have been vehemently against that. He would have loathed the forced incapacitation. He was of the mind over matter persuasion, that if his mind could handle the pain, his body would follow suit. He was very anti-drugs.

Oliver had developed a fever sometime during the night and she'd woken to him moaning and struggling against the sheets, clawing at his lines. He forcibly removed them, spraying blood and fluids everywhere. She and John had managed to restrain him without further injury to anyone. Dr. Hamilton stopped the bleeding and added new sterile catheter needles in his arms after the veins in Oliver's hands had collapsed under the trauma.

After the surgery, Emil had given him broad spectrum antibiotics but he believed that the swelling in Oliver's brain and the extensive wounds he suffered, it was high probability that an infection had entered his blood stream. The doctor had made a bad joke that the weapon used to stab him was probably not sterilized first.

Felicity very much wanted to throttle him for that comment but Oliver was not out of the woods and they still needed him around.

They would have to monitor him more closely. He would need a 24hr watch and frequent medications. They had also ordered a blood culture to determine exactly what bacteria they might be dealing with. The wound sites were all red and swollen. He was still unconscious but moaning softly. Obviously delirious. His heart rate was elevated but his O2 was low. Following that prognosis they had set him up in a clean room and an oxygen tent.

She had to show her face at Palmer Tech. So she had gone home for a shower and a change of clothes. Then made an appearance at work even though it was the last place she wanted to be. She'd made excuses to her PA, taken his reports, her tablet and left feigning time of the month problems. That should keep Ray from checking up on her. By then she realized that no one had called Roy yet.

So now she was getting breakfast to go from the cafe across from Emil's exclusive practice and trying to juggle all the bags, the drink tray and get the door, when it miraculously opened for her.

"You'd think being a surgery they'd have automatic doors, for emergencies , you know," she stopped abruptly when she noticed it wasn't John housing the door but Thea.

"Oliver's friend Felicity, was his PA for a year, then not. I always see you around, just what is it you get up to with my brother and Roy? Wow, that did not come out the way it sounded in my head."

"Happens to me all the time," Felicity interjected sincerely. "We've never really spoken but I want you to know, Thea that I might not have liked your mother, I thought she was diabolical, and Malcolm Merlyn gives me the creeps but none of that extends to the way I see you. Roy cares about you and Oliver loves you, and Sara had only good things to say about you as a boss, so..."

Thea stuck out her hand. "I'm Thea Queen, my brother and his best friend called me Speedy. Ollie still does, sometimes," she said softly. "I don't know Oliver the way you do. He's my family and I love him but I don't know him. I'm happy that he let someone in. Those scars of his... I wish he could have talked to me but I don't think anyone would choose a younger sibling, right?"

"Felicity Smoak, IT specialist and only child. I'm pretty sure Oliver's kept me around to pick my brains," she joked lightly.

Thea gave her a small smile. "He smiles more around you. I noticed. He's never had friends who are girls that he didn't sleep with. You're good for him, Felicity. I hope I get to see you both more often."

Felicity tried to smile back but her eyes clouded over with tears. "Yes, well, hoping, praying, begging. All of the above is good about now. I'll take you through."

She have a nod to John and Roy, who were trying to look inconspicuous and busy in the waiting area. She passed them the bags and tray on her way past. She knocked once on the door to Oliver's private room, to signal her entry and then held the door for Thea. She was ready for how the girl swayed when she saw her brother. She caught her arm to steady her while Thea found her feet.

His skin was splotchy from the fever and his body not covered by the sheet was slick with sweat. His breathing sounded terrible and he had developed muscle spasms. His eyelids where bluish, while his beard was starting to take over his face.

Dr. Hamilton silently slipped out giving them privacy. Felicity was taking first shift, since she could work while she sat with him. Her days of being a night owl had ended after college when she'd had to keep regular work hours and it meant staying awake at her desk. Roy would take over after her at 4 and go through till 9 when Verdant hit is most popular hour. Then John would take over for the night and Felicity would be back in the morning. She was going to have Emil write her a medical note for the next couple of days.

"Thea," he moaned, his voice barely a whisper.

Felicity watched as the younger woman threw herself at Oliver's bedside and took his hand. The one that was purple and black from bruising. With his left arm in a cast, all his IVs were now in his right arm.

"Ollie, I'm here. Keep fighting okay. Don't give up. I need you. I'm stubborn and I can be a pain in your ass but you're my big brother. You're the only real family I have left. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Merlyn's going to pay for doing this to you. I don't care what he's told you. You don't have to protect me. Not like this. I'm not afraid of him, of what people might say. I don't care. I've shot him once. This time I'll make it stick and I want you to be there. So you have to get better."

Felicity stood silently, awed by Thea'a revelations. She has shot Malcolm Merlyn? Why to go Thea.

Thea raised her tear stained face to meet Felicity's gaze. "He's going to make it, isn't he?"

"He's strong. The strongest man I've ever met. The things he's gone trough. We're giving him his best chance. It helps that you're here now too. We all have lives Thea and as much as I want to be here every second. I can't be. We can't draw attention to Emil's involvement. We've paid for his discretion but also for exclusivity. I'd also like to be able to keep my well paying job, so I can keep helping out. But that's not the real reason we can't all stay here. We can't afford to let anyone know Oliver is here. They can't know he's survived. Not until he's strong enough to fight back."

"You think they'll come back to finish the job?" Thea asked half fearful, half angry, ready to defend her brother's broken body.

Felicity nodded. "I know they would. The League doesn't like loose ends. They don't leave survivors."

Thea didn't wipe the tears that trailed down her cheeks. She kept both her hands gently clasped around Oliver's bruised one. "Why does it always feel like I'm losing him? Did he ever mention why he called me, Speedy?" When Felicity shook her head, Thea smiled. "I was a bit of a serial tag along. I kind of idolized him. He and Tommy indulged me while I was still all chubby cheeks and messy curls but when I grew up and he was a senior, he tried to ditch me first chance he could. Didn't make it easy. I got really good at eating on the run and being sneaky. They could never avoid me for long."

Felicity's phone buzzed. She had asked Barry and Caitlin to put a rush on Oliver's blood screen. She hadn't expected them to jump all over it. She should have had more faith, they were her friends after all. She smiled briefly before if fell completely as she read the results. Bacteria was present and treatable with common antibiotics, however there was also a foreign virus present and it was unknown to every database they'd searched. And it was infecting healthy cells at an alarming rate.

Hoping not to alarm Thea, she slipped from the room. She found Emil in his office and showed him the results.

"What do we do? My friend wouldn't have been able to search the CDC because if it does show up, then we'll get flagged."

"Then how did she search in the first place?"

"STAR Labs has it's own pathology database that was part of it's bio-genetics division. But since all it's active projects lost funding after the particle accelerator went nova, it's about more than a year out of date."

Emil nodded silently. "I think we treat this as contagious anyway and I'll take blood from everyone whose been in contact with Oliver's blood."

Felicity's phone beeped again. Another message from Caitlin. She, Barry and Cisco were clear. Felicity chewed her bottom lip. Seems scientists thought alike.

Her mind went back to earlier in the morning when Oliver's blood had gotten on her hands and clothes. Had any gotten on her face? She wasn't sure. Then there was when he had been in surgery... She started rolling up her sleeve. "I'll text John and Roy."

::: ::: :::

Caitlin had done further tests and the results had shown that the viral strain was transferred by blood. The downside being it could exist outside a host for a long time. As of that moment the counter was still running. Emil had ordered them to burn everything that had Oliver's blood on it. Felicity was the only one that tested positive and she knew why. She had kissed him. Her lips had been split and chapped from frost and wind burn. Granted she had only kissed him on the forehead but there must have been a spot she'd missed. Or perhaps a drop of blood had gotten on her face when she'd been restraining him.

The room was now quarantined and she was stuck. Her body seemed to be doing a better job fighting but she wasn't unconscious with multiple wounds and a head trauma.

The other part of Team Arrow was outside but Thea, who refused to leave, was with her in appropriate protective gear. Which mostly consisted of full surgery scrubs, gloves and a face mask.

Diggle knocked on the window and Felicity went to the door to find out what he wanted.

It was now after 9 and Roy had to leave to make sure there was managerial support at Verdant. Thea wasn't going anywhere.

Diggle told her her boss was outside. Felicity startled and then glared. John held up his hands in a don't kill the messenger gesture. Felicity snatched up her phone.

Sure enough there was yet another call from Ray. She had answered the first time he'd called, it was during work hours so she felt obligated. After 6, she was on her own time. He hadn't left messages the first two missed calls. Now he'd sent a text.

The doctor won't buzz me in. Are you all right? Thought it was just PMS?

She started typing rapidly, arguing out loud as she did. "Ray, we've talked about boundaries, yes? Or do I need to hack your phone again to make my point? I'm fine. If you need to talk about work, I will call you in the morning."

Thea snorted. "He keeps you on a shorter lead than Oliver. I noticed that the times you weren't around last year, he was extremely cranky."

Felicity smiled. "I had a friend in Central City that was in accident. I visited him a lot while he was out of commission and Oliver found it difficult to use my system while I was away."

"Your filing system?" Thea asked with a raised eyebrow.

Felicity gave her a guarded look. "Why don't you ask what you really want to know?" She wasn't in the habit of lying without a good reason. She was a bad liar and a the few times she had tried lying to her mum as a kid, she had gotten her tech confiscated for it. Her mother wouldn't have it. Come to think of it, she had only started getting better at it when protective Oliver's secret. It was certainly a good motivator.

"Felicity are you part of Arrow's team?"

Felicity took off her scarf and put it over her coat on the back of her chair. "I have been since almost the beginning. I won't say I always agreed with his decisions. I didn't and sometimes I still don't. We agree to disagree."

Thea nodded. She couldn't see a person as self assured or opinionated as Felicity backing down for anyone. "Do you know why Roy pushed me away? Did the Arrow ask him to?"

Felicity pulled a face, it was just a reflect response to the thought her line of questioning had taken but Thea had caught it.

Thea growled softly. "I knew it. Girl's intuition. I knew Roy couldn't do an about face that quickly. I want to ask him but I don't want him to lie to me. If I asked him now, do you think he'd tell me what was going on with him?"

Felicity gave her a small shrug. "You can only ask. Thea, I can tell you one thing with absolute certainty. Both Roy and Oliver would only ever lie if they thought it was the only way to keep you safe. Granted it's their interpretation of safe, but that's the truth."

Thea nodded and patted Oliver's hand under the plastic frame. "I'm staying tonight, so just buzz if you need anything," she said to Felicity before she left the room.

They had a make-shift decontamination booth set up outside. This special treatment was wracking up quite the tidy expense bill. Felicity sighed. Maybe she could find away to get ARGUS to chip in. If she gave Waller some intel., into the League or offered her tech services for hire, pro-rata of course. Her time wasn't cheap. Well for anyone not Team Arrow or Team Flash anyway. Felicity was tempted to ask Thea if she could use Merlyn's money. It would be cosmic justice, but she didn't feel close enough to Thea yet to mention anything about her biological father.

They had brought an extra bed for her sleep in. It felt a little like living in a fish bowl but at least she could close the blinds and dim the lights.

Felicity had kept up her fluid intake but she was starting to feel the fever coming on. Next stage was the delirium and involuntarily muscle spasms. She seriously doubted that anyone enjoyed being sick but she was a terrible patient. She knew she wouldn't listen to Emil, she would grumble and complain about medication and she'd sulk. She wasn't looking forward to having to rely on anyone.

Kicking off her shoes, she crawled under the sheet and turned to face Oliver where he lay on his bed, across from hers. She could see him clearly through the plastic of the oxygen chamber. His eyes were moving behind his lips and his lips moved slightly. It looked like her was saying her name.

She wished she could hear him, but his voice didn't penetrate the tent he was in.

"You can't let them beat you down. You've got to fight. I want to tell you that I love you," she whispered a lone tear escaping her eye. "I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you. I knew you were trouble the moment you showed up at my desk. Guys like you always are; rich, too pretty to be mortal, confident. My mother warned me off guys like you. They're great for fun but not marriage material and never to involve feelings while playing around with hot trouble as she calls them. But I couldn't help it. The time you asked for help while bleeding all over my backseat, I was done for. It all snow balled from there. I've always been attracted to you. I mean I wasn't exactly subtle. You'd have to be completely dense not to notice me drooling while you work out. And you're pretty perceptive for a guy. Not to mention the totally awkward and embarrassing innuendo that tends to just spill out if me around you."

She blushed and closed her eyes against the onslaught of all the memories her words brought to the forefront of her mind. She'd inadvertently told him one of her fantasies, what it would feel like in her mind to have him inside of her, filling her, stretching her, moving inside her, all thick, velvet soft, male perfection... She let out a gasp as she had a small orgasm just thinking about it. She bit down hard on her abused lips to get herself on track out of the gutter she'd descended into.

"By Russia, I was crushing pretty hard and it wasn't a surprise that Isabel noticed. She was a Class A psychotic bitch but she wasn't oblivious. Totally dumb and conniving but you couldn't get anything by her. Which sucked hard for us. It was the first time I remembered what heartache felt like," she said her voice hitching. She wouldn't cry, it was pointless, exhausting and a waste of time. It was in the past and he admitted it was a mistake. He hadn't been thinking with his upstairs brain she'd concluded.

"You know the moment I realized I loved you? When you told me that I'd always be your girl," she said, her voice breaking completely. She took a moment to steady her breathing. "I felt so relieved, happy and proud at the same time that it just clicked how truly gone I was. I think I was in denial for a long time but when you smiled and said those words, I couldn't pretend anymore. And for a long time I was comfortable with just being your girl. I wasn't your lover, your girlfriend or fling , whatever but you looked at me as someone important to you and that was enough. But then you had to go and sabotage the whole status quo by saying I love you. Didn't you see The Nanny episodes, with the whole ILYs, I take it back saga? You don't get to say those words to a woman and not follow up. There is no but after I love you," she said fiercely. "So here is me, finding it extremely easy to vent at you right now. We're not on a date that's about to be blown to Kingdom come, we're not busy trying to stop the menace of the week or prevent Starling from being wiped off the map, you're not distracted by a family problem where I feel my unloading on you is an unfair burden. I'm giving you a reason to fight. I love you, Oliver Queen, damn it. I need to see your eyes when I say it. I need to know that you believe me and what you intend to about your I love yous then."

Tears ran down her face unchecked. She wiped at her cheeks angrily. All of a sudden the heart monitor at Oliver's bedside started alarming. His heart was failing.


	8. Tether

Oliver felt someone shaking him. He didn't want to wake. He wanted to enjoy holding the warm, sleeping woman in his arms.

That was until his conscious mind prodded him with the knowledge that his arms were empty and there was enough space around him to signify he was the only occupant in the bed.

"What?" he snapped irritably. He was annoyed because he'd been in the middle of a really good dream and second because he had hoped to wake to her face. His Felicity.

Those hands currently giving him no chance to re-enter his glorious fantasy, by trying a new way to rattle his brain, belonged to one Thea Queen. He knew them well. They had shaken him awake more times than he could remember. When she was smaller they'd been accompanied by body weight, and a sucker punch to the stomach, as she all but flew at him in her excitement for a new day with her Allie.

Tommy had about busted his gut laughing when he had first heard Thea call him that. Pretty much put a smile in his best friend's face every time. No matter how many times he tried to coax her, bribe her and coach her. Thea wouldn't, or couldn't say Oliver or Ollie. She seemed to have trouble with pronouncing O. It was an A and that was that. She finally figured it all out when she was 3 but by then, Tommy had started a trend. It took bribing Thea with a new piece of bubblegum, which their parents wouldn't give her, every time Tommy was around to not join in. She caught on quick. So while Tommy stopped after he got bored with no one joining the joke. Thea kept up the bubblegum blackmail till Rosa caught on to it, and gave him scolding. She made him explain to his mom why Thea had to have a haircut to get out the large ball of gum attached to her curls.

"Oliver, wake up," she snapped.

Oliver opened his eyes and sat up. Thea rarely spoke to him in that tone. It usually meant business and he was instantly alert.

"I'm up," he said. He swung his legs out, grateful that he remembered putting his briefs back on. Unlike the first time she had seen his scars, Thea didn't bat an eye or ask him about them. Oliver felt relieved and oddly intrigued by her non-reaction but knew now wasn't the time to mention it.

"Get dressed. The ambulance will be here any minute." Thea picked up his scattered clothes and tossed them in his direction.

Oliver did as he was told in haste. As he pulled on his jeans, he asked her what was going on. The fact that he hadn't seen Felicity made his gut twist and his heart pound. Where was she? Was she hurt?

"Felicity startled getting cramps and couldn't climb back upstairs. She called me. Roy's with her. How could you not hear what was going on? It's been madness down there? You haven't been a deep sleeper since well, before," Thea said giving him a frown and a shrewd once over. She clapped her hand on his forehead. "You're a bit warm. Are you feeling okay?"

Oliver brushed off her hand. "I'm fine." He left the room while still pulling on his sweater, not caring that he was about to pull it over his head while trying to navigate the stairs. Thea managed to grab his elbow and stop him before he could stumble.

"Breaking your neck won't help. Take a breath. If you're going to freak out, you should stay here. Felicity doesn't need the extra stress."

Oliver forced himself to calm down. He shoved his panic away and focused on what he needed to do. He needed to support Felicity. He needed to be a rock for her. He schooled his face.

"If you wear your Arrow face she's liable to deck you, and you've probably never felt it before so I'll let you know, that girl's nickname should be iron fist not supreme intelligence."

Oliver tried to relax but it seemed like he only knew how to go into two modes. Arrow or survival-Lian Yu Oliver. It was Felicity who was teaching him how to live again. How to live with people and care about them. He felt an unwelcome almost foreign emotion well up inside him. Somewhere along the line, he had found himself feeling grounded, in control and reconnecting with his humanity. For so long he had been functioning, merely existing, doing what he needed to do whether it was surviving the trials of the island or the ones Waller manufactured for him, he had lost touch with his humanity. Felicity had become his safe harbour. She had made him let down the wall he had built up inside, to protect what was left of his damaged psyche. She was his one-woman support. She helped his make better choices, she was his guiding light, warmth in the midst the harsh cold darkness in his heart. The island was simple, it's why he had gone back after Waller and the Russian mob. It's why he'd gone again after Tommy's death. Not only did he believe that he didn't deserve happiness, he had failed to protect the city. He shouldn't have tried. How could he save anyone when he put the people he most cared about in danger. But even away from her he could forget her. She had become an the anchor point which grounded him in this fractured reality that was his life; where he was a costumed vigilante, he was working with police, he was doing his best not to kill when that was all he'd been forged to do and Waller was leaving him alone, for now.

Seeing her on his island, he realised he would do anything for Felicity. She only had to ask. He just wished he knew how to help her right now.

Thea must have sensed his tension or seen something on his face. She squeezed his arm and forced him to meet her gaze. "Felicity is trying to be strong but she's barely keeping it together. It's bad enough that she actually called her mom. Just hold her, Ollie. You don't have to say anything. Just hold her, okay?"

Oliver nodded dumbly. When had his sister grown up? It was hard to reconcile the kid sister, who was both bratty and adorable to the strong woman who was giving sensible advice in the midst of this chaotic, stressful and uncertain crisis. He kissed her forehead. "Thanks for being there for us, Speedy. I don't tell you enough, but you're awesome and I love you."

Thea grew watery eyed and hugged him tightly. "Love you too, Ollie."

Felicity's eyes met his the moment he stepped into the room. She was crying, her face splotchy red. In fact it looked like she developed some kind of rash. And her eyes were taking on a yellowish tinge.

"Oliver, I'm so sorry," she blurted, followed immediately by a hiccup. "I don't know what I did or why this is..."

He interrupted her quickly and gathered her from the sofa and into his lap. "Whatever's going through that beautiful head of yours, just stop. None of this is your fault. I'm here for you okay. Nothing matters more than you. You're my woman, Felicity." He punctuated that point by kissing her temple and squeezing her lightly. "And I'm still trying to get my head around how awesome it is that you're carrying my girl." He put his hand over her belly and felt their baby kick at his touch.

Felicity had stopped crying but she was still shuddering slightly. Her breathing hadn't returned to normal yet. She looked at him through wet eyes. "I hurt our baby girl."

"No, you didn't." Oliver took her face in his hands. How could this beautiful woman ever think she was capable of hurting anyone. If the blame lay anywhere it was with him. There had to be punishment for all the evil he'd committed in his life. It was why he tried so hard to keep her at arms length. He didn't want to hurt her. Whether it was directly by his callousness, or temper. Or worse if it was by his enemies hands as punishment for his sins. She was precious, invaluable to him. He didn't deserve someone as trusting, faithful and pure as Felicity. Her heart was untainted and she had so much love and goodness to offer. But as she so often liked to remind him. It was her choice. Her choice to be a part of the Arrow's mission, her choice to accept the danger. Her choice to let herself love him, to be with him, his sins and brokenness accepted.

He kissed her gently to distract her and in the process provided a pleasant distraction for himself. He wished that they could have her on her way to hospital already. The more time she had to fret and stew over possibilities, the more her self blame game would escalate. They needed the facts.

::: ::: :::

An ObGyn by the name of Dr. Portia Hall told them that Felicity had developed a liver complication. It's what caused the rash and it was currently struggling to function properly. It could get worse, or it could stablise, but it wouldn't improve. And they wouldn't know for sure if her condition would abate once baby was born. They would have to do more tests after she had delivered. For now it was a waiting game. Baby Queen could come early if she couldn't cope with the higher levels of bile salts in her mum's blood.

This was his punishment. It had been a long build. Slade would be loving his. To watch the love of his life struggle and suffer and be helpless to do anything about it. Seeing her distress and her condition was to be his torment. He was careful not to let his guilt show. It would upset her and she would berate him for it. Felicity never let him judge himself.

"Oliver, she can't come early. She's too small. Please tell my mum to pray for us. To tell Rabbi Baratz. I can't talk to her right now, please," Felicity begged him, her panic evident even though the doctor was trying her best to urge her to relax.

Oliver squeezed her hand. His ability to keep his expression from betraying his inner anguish was failing. He felt momentary relief at her request. "I'll be right outside. I'll call her now."

Talking to Donna, he quickly understood why Felicity loved her mother to pieces but could only tolerate her in small doses. She was extremely scattered, her conversations seemed to go a 100 miles a second, she would shoot of more questions faster than you could answer one. And if you didn't answer quickly enough, she jumped to the worst possible conclusions. He found himself not for the first time wondering what they had in common aside from the true grit spirit and the blonde hair. After assuring Donna for the last time that he would fly her over and that she was welcome to stay with them as long as Felicity needed, he finally managed to get her off the phone.

He quickly texted Diggle to book a flight for Donna and pick her up from the airport when she arrived, and charge his credit card of course. At least he assumed John was still playing his driver/bodyguard with an expense account.

Oliver shook his head, he would be sure to get a message back either way.

He pocketed his phone and went back into the room. "Your mom will be here tomorrow. I hope that's okay."

Felicity nodded through a grimace of discomfort. Her eyes were worse and it was hard to look at her and not feel his heart twisting in his chest. He would trade places with her in a second. He desperately hoped that this was only a pregnancy related issue as the doctors suspected and that she would be fine once baby was born.

::: ::: :::

Felicity had to stay in hospital because of the bile and liver enzyme concentration in her blood. She needed constant monitoring. Days stretched to weeks. She had muscle aches, unbelievable itching and found it near impossible to sleep. Her skin was a bad Picasso of redness on yellow. Her words not his.

Oliver had searched out every homeopathic remedy for relief that was safe for pregnancy, since she refused any kind of drug intervention. Her only concern was for baby. She felt horrible that her body was failing her and putting baby at risk. It didn't matter how much the doctor and Oliver tried to argue otherwise.

Felicity was nearing the 28 week mark and baby's chances were very good with steroids and an induced labour. Oliver was worried about the stress this complication was putting on both his girls.

"Felicity, love..."

She looked at him tiredly, her lips pinching. "You only say love, like that when you're trying to soften me up for something."

"Oliver, we're both okay. Not awesome, but okay. See," she said with a wave at the monitors.

Oliver shook his head at her stubbornness. While she had managed to get him to loosen up and compromise a lot over their years together, she still could be as stubborn as ever. "We need to talk about having her early. You know an emergency c-section isn't ideal, it has a greater risk for both you and the baby."

Felicity folded her arms and glared at him in a classic defensive pose. Her bottom lip wavered and Oliver stood from his chair and leaned on the bed beside her to gather her close. "Love, don't. Please don't." Her tears hurt him physically. He couldn't explain it but any time he saw her tears it was as though something was crushing his chest. The anguish he felt at her distress was unbearable. He found it impossible to focus on anything else but fixing the cause of her tears. He kissed her. That seemed to make her feel better. It wasn't exactly a chore for him either.

He broke it after a long moment since they were both a little breathless. "Just consider it," he asked gently. At her nod, he wiped the lingering moisture from her cheeks. "I meant to talk to you about something else, by the way. What have we decided to call her? Do you have a list?"

He smiled then. Stupid question. What didn't she have a list for? There was: a To Do List, a Bucket List, her secret Hacked List, a Wish List and a Fantasy List. There were probably more but he hadn't heard about them yet.

The Fantasy List. He had overhead her discussing that one with Roy of all people. Maybe they'd had some strange Queen quirk discussion. He didn't really want to dwell on the context of the conversation. He was only interested in what she had mentioned was on her said, Fantasy List. She wanted to make love under the stars on the beach at Lian Yu. Her reason being she wanted to give him a non-painful memory from the island. She was wrong. He already had one of those. Watching her and Diggle jump out of plane for him, with her terror of heights, just to bring him home was pretty hard to top. But he wouldn't deny her, her fantasy if she decided to ask him. He would never say no to being with Felicity anywhere. He'd been a serial bad boy in his younger days and there was little he hadn't done or been arrested for. He also knew how to get away with it now.

Felicity wrung her hands together. "I know that I didn't like her very much and she had an unfortunate name," she said her nose scrunching, "but I'd like her to have your mother's name as her middle name. She was awful but I don't think I've met another living soul that would do what she did in an effort to protect you and Thea. Except my mum of course," she mused, her eyes sparkling brightly while her lips pulled upward with a wide, proud smile.

Oliver shook his head and smiled at her tenderly for the gesture. "You don't have to do that, Felicity. Bitterness was definitely synonymous with my mother. She hurt a lot of people, and she was directly responsible for the death of hundreds more, including Tommy. I'll never doubt that she loved Thea and I but I can never accept or condone what she let happen, what she got involved in. Or that she ever made her bed with Malcolm Merlyn. My father wasn't prefect, he was a liar, a cheat, an adulterer and a murderer too. He confessed his sins at the end but I'd be happier to leave the memories of them in the past where they belong. Our daughter will have enough to shoulder with the Queen name. I wouldn't want her to have to carry anything else."

Felicity looked thoughtfully, soaking in everything he said without judgement. Taking one of his hands in hers, she ran her thumb over the back of his hand absently while watching his face, suddenly all seriousness, with a hint of nervousness in her eyes. "All right. How does Artemis Lian Queen sound?"

Oliver felt his throat tighten. Artemis represented the goddess of family, wisdom... Safety. While Lian... He'd let Felicity explain, she always did.

"Artemis, because I want her to strive for wisdom. To think before she takes action, to judge after hearing someone out... And Lian because... That Island made you the man you are today. It was pain and hell but you also found strength, love, friendship and courage there. Sara survived with you, you saved Anatoli, Shado and her father taught you survival and compassion. They didn't have to help you. He was in hiding. They both were but they took you in. Lian Yu is an important part of you. You have the Hood as your symbol. Our baby is mine. A symbol of our love, a sign of our faith and trust in each other."

Oliver cupped her face and kissed her deeply. It was a kiss that he poured all of his emotions into, his pride in her words, his joy in basking in her love, his anxiety for her and their unborn child, his worry for their future, but most of all his desire for her. He hungered for her desperately . Now that he'd had her once his body craved her like a drug. He was dying inside a little more every day he was forced to part from her. She was stuck in her hospital bed. Every night he went home alone and hugged her pillow. It had stopped smelling like her weeks ago but he still held it at night. Just the memory of her laying on it was enough to keep his nightmares at bay. She was his last thought when he closed his eyes. She was the main feature of his dreams and she was his first thought when he woke. Sometimes he stayed up talking to her on the phone till the early morning, just because she couldn't sleep and he wanted to keep her company. She would talk or sing. She had a beautiful singing voice. She confessed that she was part of the children's choir when she was a pre-teen. She went through a rebellious stage not long after that and hadn't sung for years. At least not while sober anyway. He smiled at the memory she had shared when she told him her drunken karaoke night story. He was among the privileged few that knew her talent and was allowed to hear her. If she was feeling generous, she would sing him to sleep. He was sure Artemis loved it too.

Three days after he mentioned his concerns, their choice was taken from them.

"She's showing signs of distress."

They had started steroids on the chance that this might happen but Felicity was determined to try for term. That choice was now off the table.

They let Oliver put on scrubs and join Felicity in theatre. The surgery was over in an hour. It was brutal and Oliver was grateful for the screen so Felicity couldn't see. He had a strong constitution and even he felt his blood pressure doing strange things. Maybe it was because it was Felicity's body he was seeing being handled that way. He wondered if it wasn't an emergency if they'd have been more gentle.

He watched his little girl being pulled free and watched her take her first breath. She was slightly blue, covered in blood, with a wrinkled little face but she was absolutely prefect. Perfectly miniature. She was smaller than his two hands put together. She looked like a fragile little doll. He could crush her with his grip. After they checked her thoroughly and pronounced her fit and healthy, one of the nurses bundled her up and offered her over.

"Here you go, Daddy."

Oliver only had a moment to grab her because the nurse wasn't waiting for acceptance. She was already bustling back behind the screen.

"Let me see her," Felicity said softly, her voice fatigued but excited.

He brought the baby close. And Felicity reached out a finger to trace her baby's cheek and hold her tiny hand. "My Artemis, you be an angel for your Daddy, okay. Love you, baby," she said her voice growing softer.

Her eyes closed and as those unique, soulful smokey blue orbs disappeared from view, his personal hell began.

Alarms blared and anxious voices barked out instructions. Two men appeared to usher him out and he couldn't fight them off while holding Artemis. He was paralysed by fear as he watched Felicity's arm fall slack and hang off the side of the table. Everyone was to busy to notice. Through the surgery window he could see her hand, her uncovered left shoulder and part of her face. Someone had placed an artificial lung over her face while someone else was busy attaching electrodes to her now uncovered chest.

In his arms, Artemis began to cry. He felt like an open sail, caught in a high wind. He was struggling to find his focus, to make sense of what he needed to do. His brain wouldn't settle on any one thing except how terrified he was that he was going to lose Felicity. He was cut loose from his anchor. He was fighting for air. A lead weight of guilt settled in his chest. He'd caused this. If she had never had the option to choose him, she would be safer. So many times he had put her in danger. She'd nearly been poisoned, she'd been shot, she had been kidnapped multiple times, one of his exes had threatened her life, Slade had been a hairsbreadth from beheading her. The fates had determined a long time he was undeserving of anything pure or good. He had forgotten that. Felicity with her unexpected affection, her warm genuine nature and her fierce loyalty had made him forget who he really was. A killer and unworthy, irredeemable and damned. Darkness edged closer, it was pressing in on him from all sides. He had the presence of mind to push Artemis into the hands of a nearby nurse before his knees buckled and the blackness took over.


	9. Awake

Thea was in the middle of removing her scrubs when she heard the alarm. She quickly redressed and pulled on a fresh pair of gloves.

Emil was right behind her. He didn't bother changing, he threw a gown over his clothes and put on a mask and a pair of gloves to follow her through.

Felicity was squeezing Oliver's non-bruised hand and watching the door with a frantic expression, when they charged in.

"What do we do?"

Emil unlocked a drawer and withdrew a prepared syringe. He injected it to the tap in Oliver's arm. "It's Ang II with aspirin, it'll bring his blood pressure back up where it needs to be and give us some time to figure out what else is going on. I need to draw more blood to check his enzyme and the viral activity. And we need to neutralize this virus. We are out of time. I know you weren't keen on the idea before but ice therapy might be our only choice. He might not hang on long enough as it is."

Roy knocked on the door. It was a signal that something had been left outside. When Thea open it, she took the tray he had left behind and brought it in. She set it on the small table beside the visitor's chair.

"I had him make it for us," she said while pouring two small Chinese tea cups. "I know I could seriously do with a cup. I was never a tea person before but Merlyn introduced me and now this tea and I are best friends. Gets me through the day."

Felicity stared at the steaming pot, her thoughts going in two directions. One theory would have to wait. The other, well she could kiss Roy right now. She slid off the bed and on unsteady legs, she made her way over to the cupboard where she had stored her handbag. She rifled for her phone and called Diggle.

"John, the magic herbs. Bring some here ASAP, I can't believe none of us thought of them before. I only hope it's not to late."

::: ::: :::

Fifteen minutes later, Felicity was sipping her own serving of the special brew while they watched Oliver's monitor and his face for any sign of improvement.

They could tell the moment the properties of the Island herbs in his bloodstream flooded his damaged liver. His blood pressure spiked briefly before beginning to stabilize. Even with the drugs Emil gave him previously, his flagging blood pressure was barely within normal range. It wasn't long before his colour started to improve and his breathing sounded less laboured. His O2 stats read much healthier. When he had spiked a fever, and begun thrashing in delirium, they had removed the oxygen tubes because he'd started gagging and pulling on them. The muscle relaxant had worn off and they couldn't open his mouth to apply more without running the risk of losing fingers, he'd been fighting them so hard. The oxygen tent had helped his intake levels but the tubes would have been better with the bruising his throat had suffered. They were worried his windpipe might collapse again.

Felicity and Thea cried tears of joy in relief and they could see through the outside window that Roy and John were impressed and happy too, just too manly to express it in the same way.

"He's going to be okay?" Thea asked, her voice suspiciously wobbly.

Felicity nodded, her body shaking with the release of tension. This was the first high she had felt since his heart had started again. "He's going to be okay."

They hugged each other with a broken giggle before Felicity suddenly wilted in fatigue. She had been pushing herself, running on adrenaline since Oliver left. Now she was crashing hard. "I think I'll sleep now."

Thea gave her a fond smile and helped her to the bed. She tucked the blankets around Felicity and adjusted Oliver's too. "I'll keep an eye on him for you. You've done all you can now, Felicity. Sweet dreams."

::: ::: :::

Oliver opened his eyes and wanted to shut them again. It was awful. They were gritty and extremely dry. So much so that his vision was blurred and he was seeing halos.

He tried sitting up and a warm firm hand stayed his movement, and pushed on his shoulders to get him to lay back.

"Hey, take it easy. You'll pull something."

Oliver held her wrist to keep her close. "Thea?" he asked in confusion. His throat was aching and his mouth felt swollen and dry. His tongue felt like it was about to choke him.

"They took the tubes out the day before yesterday, so you're probably really feeling it now, here," she held a cup of water close and presented the straw for him to sip from. She smiled widely at him. "Good to see that your memory hasn't been affected." She noticed his slow pained blinking and reached over for the tiny green bottle on the side bench. "This will help, the doctor said your eyes would probably feel like sandpaper. Tilt your head back a second."

Oliver sipped the offered drink before pushing it away and frowned again before a look of panic overtook his, confusion. He ignored her instruction. "Thea, where's Artemis? And how's Felicity? Help me up, would you? I need to see them." He tried to get up again and found himself hindered by the IVs and the cast on his arm. He looked down at himself.

Thea had been poised with the bottle but froze mid-movement. "Ollie, what are you talking about? Who's Artemis and how would you even know about Felicity? You were unconscious."

She looked past him to a darkened area not far from his bed. He could see a shape on it, a blonde head of hair stuck out of the sheet. Oliver knew those golden strands. Her hair was loose, he liked seeing it like that.

Thea grew worried the longer he stared without speaking. "She's fine, Oliver. I don't know how you knew she was infected but she's okay now. Your miracle tea stopped the virus from replicating, or that's what the blood tests showed anyway."

"Virus?"

Thea nodded putting her gloved hand to his head. Your wounds were infected with a virus. Felicity thinks it was Ra's' plan all along. A fail safe. No man walks away from a fight with Ra's Al Ghul."

Oliver stared at her for a long moment, unblinking. His eyes were suspiciously wet. He ran his free hand down over his torso and encountered the bandage that covered his worst stab wound. The one that he felt would bring an end to his life.

"You're the luckiest guy on the planet and you seem to have more lives than a cat," Thea quipped her voice teasing but also saddened. "When I found out what you did, I was terrified I wouldn't get to do this." She punched him hard on his good arm.

The pain actually briefly registered above all his other injuries before the morphine seemed to dull everything again. Including his reflexes. He glared at the dosing machine, and turned it off.

Thea's eyes widened but she didn't say anything about it. Her own pain threshold had improved a lot with her training but she wasn't sure she could go drug free like Oliver planned to, if she had his injuries.

"I was dreaming," he whispered to himself. "It was all a dream." A tear slipped down his cheek.

Being engaged to Felicity, finally being in her arms, everything they had said to each other. Perfect, tiny, Artemis with her little fingers that had a surprisingly strong grip were nothing more than his overactive imagination.

"You're not going to even say anything about what you did?" Thea asked her voice raising in a mix of hurt and incredulity.

Oliver blinked slowly. Thea hissed impatiently, tilting his chin up and dropping the lubricating gel drops in his eyes. When she was done, she release his chin and screwed the cap back on the bottle aggressively, slamming the bottle back down where she had found it.

"I'm talking about offering yourself up as a sacrificial lamb. Merlyn shouldn't be able to manipulate you like that. You're smarter than to trust him, Oliver. Don't you think he's taken enough from us? Believe me, he's going to wish he was dead to me, if he ever shows his face. I do know how to contact him and that he's alive, I'm sorry lied about that. I don't know why I've been trying to protect him, but... Ow." Thea flinched and put a hand to her forehead.

Oliver frowned in concern. "Thea, I did what I had to. You're my family, my sister and I love you. I'll always stand between you and anyone who wants to hurt you."

Thea let her tears fall. "Ollie, seeing you... I swear if you ever put me, us through anything like that again, you'll be sorry," she said her voice taking on a hard edge.

Oliver tried to comfort her by taking her hand but she stepped away from the bed and out of his reach.

"I need to get Dr. Hamilton now that you're awake. Stay in that bed," she said with her eyes narrowing.

::: ::: :::

"Are you going to keep pretending to sleep?"

Felicity tensed, how did he even know she was awake? She hadn't moved, she was facing away from him. It had been kind of difficult to sleep through Thea's ranting.

"Your breathing changed and your shoulders are too tense," he said by way of explanation.

Felicity sat up slowly and twisted her hair over her shoulder. She felt better today. More rested, less achy and more like her usual self. She was sure that when they did the blood test today, she should be in the clear and free to go. She was beginning to suffer from serious cabin fever. She was also sure that if she didn't show up at work today, Ray would probably find away to sneak into this place. He had a bad habit of being able to show up when no one expected it and in places he shouldn't.

She brushed her hair back and tried to smooth it. It tended to be a bit of a nest when she got up. It wasn't straight and could get pretty spectacularly knotted when she left it unbound. But after having it up in a tight ponytail all day to keep it out of her eyes, her scalp sighed in relief at the freedom. And she slept with it out every night.

Oliver had to stifle a grin at her self conscious movement. She was beautiful. Her face relaxed from sleep, her eyes bright and refreshed, her cheek still pink from where it had been pressed against her pillow. "Thea told me you were infected."

Felicity nodded. "The first night was a bit rough, you thrashed a bit and some of your blood... Well I got infected, but I'm fine now and you're doing much better too," she added quickly.

"Felicity," he started in a pained voice.

She got up and walked over to him. She was in her favourite, cotton PJs which Diggle had brought for her after they'd stabilised Oliver the night before. She felt underdressed and exposed, awkward. She told herself to suck it up. She was in hospital, technically a doctor's office but same thing. No one expected her to be immaculate. If she had survived Ray seeing her in her PJs, she could certainly face Oliver. After all, he had seen her in her bra before. Not by choice but well, kind of hard to stitch a gunshot wound through clothing.

She saw the guilt plainly on his face, he wouldn't meet her eyes. Both his fists were curled and his lips were pinched tight and bloodless, no doubt he was grinding his teeth. She would put the breaks on this guilt-fest, brooding party right now, his energies would be much better spent figuring out why Malcolm and Ra's wanted him out of the way and his getting better.

"Don't you dare. You don't get to blame yourself for any of this," Felicity said, hugging herself with one arm, while gesturing at him in a frustrated manner with the other. "Thea might be upset now but she's more upset about how you were manipulated. Upset that she was lied to." She reached over and squeezed his good hand. "I don't know how much you heard while you were under but Oliver, I can't lose you." She looked at him, an anxious desperation in her eyes. "Arrow work is dangerous. Every time you suit up I feel a little nervous but when you left to fight Ra's... I was terrified I'd never see you again, so this is me confessing that I bugged you, I have been for awhile now," at his wide eyes, she hurried on, steeling herself for his anger but needing to say it all anyway, "I won't apologize and I won't tell you what I bugged and if you try to get rid of them, I'll just find another way to do it again. I will always worry but I worry less if I know I can find you."

Oliver squeezed her hand in return and pulled her close, she fell against him only just catching herself from putting her hands on his wounded stomach. His insides felt tight and hollow. He knew it had been days since he'd eaten anything but he wasn't hungry, just tired surprisingly, there was a bone weariness inside him. He breathed her in, his nose against the curve of her neck. She smelled just like she always had. Just like in his dreams. He placed a whisper soft kiss against her skin and felt her shiver. He released her reluctantly. "Thank you for saving me. You always save me."

Felicity straightened but kept their hands joined. She saw that his eyes were overly bright. There was a wet track on his cheek. "You were saying things while you were feverish. Do you remember anything from after the fight?"

Her face flashed in his mind's eye. Their first kiss, falling to his death while bleeding out, his dreams of her and their future. A wishful fantasy, one that had ended in an all too realistic nightmare. His dreams always turned into nightmares. It was his reality. She was safer without him in her life.

"No," he lied. His face blank and his gaze unflinching.

He was too detached, his indifference looked forced but Felicity wouldn't push. She rarely pushed him. He had so much to bear already, without her nagging him to express or share things he wasn't ready to revisit or acknowledge.

"I'm here for you, Oliver. You promised to always hear me out when I needed to unload, well I'm telling you that it's a two way street. Besides, you're stuck with me at least until tomorrow," she said flashing him a grin.

Her phone beeped and Felicity scowled briefly, dreading who the message was from. She should give him his own tones so that she would know when to ignore it. Not that she always would or that she even disliked him. He just seemed to have the worst timing. And no concept of socially acceptable boundaries.

I'm bringing Anna's doctor to come see you. It can't hurt to get a second opinion.

Felicity clapped a hand over her mouth to keep a curse word from escaping but a muffled sound leaked out anyway. And she could tell from Oliver's worried stare and the tension in his posture that she must look as horrified and panicked as she felt.

She typed in big letters and growled loudly, "Don't you dare! I'm entitled to sick leave. My problem, my terms. BACK OFF."

She was trembling and resisted the urge to stamp her bare feet. Only barely.

"Felicity, what's going on?" Oliver asked, his voice lanced with concern.

"It's fine. Overzealous, obnoxious, busy body, grrrr."

Oliver arched an eyebrow. When she resorted to sounds instead of words she was extremely frustrated. "Talk to me, Felicity."

She flashed him a look of annoyance and Oliver let it go, knowing her anger wasn't really directed at him. Or he hoped.

"I haven't been able to get to work in a couple of days," she was always careful when mentioning anything to do with Ray Palmer around Oliver. The man had bought his company, reinvented and rebranded it, now it looked like he would be muscling in on his hero turf. Felicity winced. Possibly poaching time from his go-to girl too. "Palmer has a strange concept of employee management."

Oliver nodded not understanding at all what she meant but hoping she would explain. He didn't like seeing her upset. He wanted to help fix whatever problems she seemed to be having with Palmer. He would tell her to quit, but it seemed like she really enjoyed her work there. Not that she talked about it much, he merely remembered how proud she'd looked on the television broadcast when Palmer had announced his plans for he company.

"Felicity, can I ask you a personal question?"

Felicity froze and steeled herself for whatever he was about to ask. She nodded once, very minutely.

"How do you feel about Ray Palmer?"

Oliver hadn't ever meant to ask. Seeing her kiss the man was enough of a picture to sear into his brain and feed his torturous imagination. But he couldn't help the doubt and thoughts that nagged at him. He felt that maybe his dream had been trying to tell him something. He remembered briefly thinking at the beginning that Felicity was married to Palmer and that she was having his baby. And later on he had worried that she was cheating on him with Ray. She had promised to spend time with him and it didn't seem like a work thing. He squeezed his ways shut tightly for a moment banishing that painful thought. Felicity wasn't the type of woman to cheat. She was too loyal for that.

Felicity waited for him to meet her eyes and she searched those blue depths for answers as to why he was asking that question. Had he seen something? Had he overhead them talking? She was sure she had left her comm. at the desk when she'd gone to meet Ray in the club. She couldn't read anything from his gaze, well nothing but a hint of pain and tension around his jaw but that could mean anything.

"He's my boss. A brilliant, dedicated and charismatic guy. Very idealistic and a little naive but his heart is in the right place. He's a dreamer but ironically I think he's also logical," she tried to be honest but professional. She wouldn't admit that she was attracted to him. He was a physically appealing man and his giant brain wasn't off putting at all. She'd always admired intelligence. And what's more Ray seemed alarmingly preceptive. She felt constantly on her toes around him both mentally and emotionally. She wouldn't admit any of those feelings. She wouldn't hurt Oliver that way. Not when she knew she would never do anything with those feelings because she cared about Oliver more. She loved him.

There was a knock on the door and she saw Diggle in the window wearing his, I'm gonna put the smack down on someone, because you can beat stupid out, right? face.

Ray appeared next to him raised his hand once and dropped it looking in confusion at Oliver.

She grabbed a pair of gloves and a face mask from the drawer. Diggle took the cue and moved away from the window.

Felicity was beyond caring at the moment. Ray had endangered Oliver, now he could take a gamble himself.

"I'm in quarantine because I picked up a bug from Oliver. He was holidaying overseas and got a rare infection. I was trying to spare anyone the worry but obviously, I'm sick doesn't cut it with you," she hissed. "So do you want me to infect you or are you going to give me my days off and let me get the all clear?" she asked planting her hands on her hips.

Ray gulped and looked down at her meekly. "So not bad PMS?" He suddenly looked very nervous and unsure of himself.

Felicity narrowed her eyes at him. "Oh that's coming, I can guarantee you."

Diggle put a hand on his shoulder. "I can see you out."

Felicity watched them go. Visibly sagging when they disappeared out of the quarantine area. She thought it would be easier when she didn't have the secret identity of being Oliver's EA. Obviously, she had just changed job titles and added another persona to her invisible utility belt. Felicity Smoak; IT specialist, Palmer Tech project manager and Oliver Queen's friend/pseudo girlfriend? How else would she get infected when his driver/bodyguard was obviously fine.

Pushing the door open, she shook her head. She had way too many secrets in her life. With Ray asking her to be his hero support, she wondered how she was going to keep her stories straight.

Oliver was watching her expectantly when she returned but she had no idea what she was going to say to him. Her gaze slid away to her rumpled bedding while she searched for an acceptable explanation. He looked so vulnerable and broken. Right now a strong wind would probably blow the life out of him. She wanted to tell him the truth about Ray, even though it wasn't her secret to tell.

"I want you to quit working for the Arrow."

And then he went and said something dumb like that.

Felicity was suddenly right back to how their almost date ended, where she was torn between wanting to yell at him or shake him, maybe both simultaneously. He had given her the most breathtaking kiss of her life, while breaking her heart. All this time she had felt as though she'd been riding a rollercoaster she was desperate to get off. It had promised to be the thrill of her life but had more nauseating turns than she could handle.

It had been like a waking dream when he had actually asked her on a date. A real, honest to goodness, candles, expensive wine, cocktail gown, designer heels, no Big Belly Burger in sight, date. And then he'd ruined it with his, I'm going to dictate what's best for you to keep you safe bullshit. And now he was taking it one step over the line into her no-go zone. It was one thing to trample and snuff out her fantasy. It was another thing all together to put the safety and success of the team at risk just to soothe his bruised pride and ease his misplaced guilt, at his self assessed fallibility, his mortality and inability to protect and caccoon her from all things bad.

"I'll save you the effort, Oliver. You don't get to fire me because I don't really work for you. Not anymore. Not even as a cover. I am a part of the team and there's no quitting that. But you'll never have to see me. That I can promise you." She gathered her bag from the cupboard and her shoes from under the bed. "I'll get Dr. Hamilton to quarantine me somewhere else."

As she closed the door behind her, she didn't look back and she missed he look of anguish that flooded his face at her abrupt departure.

He'd said what he thought he needed to say. He couldn't lose her. She was too important to him and his enemies all knew it. He had to put some distance between them. So why did it feel like he had just cut out his heart?


	10. Leverage

Roy dutifully opened and closed the club every night since the first night Thea had learned of Oliver's condition.

Thursday through to Saturday nights were their busiest. Thursday people got paid, Friday was the beginning of the weekend and Saturday was the last opportunity to party hard before the work week. And for students, last minute cramming for tests or starting papers that needed to be written before Monday.

The 24hrs after finding Oliver had been rough on everyone. There was the surgery and the waiting. Then they'd discovered the virus and there had been a scramble for adequate quarantine measures and back and forth covert communications with their friends in Central City. He and Diggle had done their best to run interference for Felicity. All the while trying to keep Oliver's recovery a secret and pretending to keep up regular appearances.

Team Arrow was down two members, it was a hectic pace they were keeping. Having Thea on board was a relief to him but he'd be glad to have Felicity back running things. That Palmer guy sure was persistent. Persistently annoying. If he wasn't so rich; the guy had a swarm of devoted women following him, he was on the cover of every magazine in new stands but he seemed like a genuine nice guy and he was an active humanitarian, Roy would swear he had a thing for their Felicity.

Really he sort of felt a little sorry for the guy. He had no idea that he had no chance. Even if Oliver stayed stubbornly against a relationship with their cute blonde techie, Felicity would never not be as much Team Arrow's leader as the Arrow himself. Oliver might be their spearhead, directing their efforts and deciding their plans but Felicity was their heart. She kept the morale up, she was their brains and their glue. Without Felicity everything would fall apart. He was fairly new to the team and even he knew that.

He knew how badly Oliver had taken her splitting her time between Central and Starling when Barry was in a coma. Diggle had tried but no one could work the computers or look at all the angles better than Felicity. He hadn't finished college, he was still trying to work out how to use email on the smartphone, Thea had given him. And Felicity knew better than to give him more than one or two instructions for working the computers. He'd forget the next step before he even found the mouse-arrow, blinky line thing.

"Hey Thea," he said answering his phone.

"Roy, I'm going to drag Felicity out for a late lunch. She hasn't stopped since Doc gave her the all clear and I think if she answers her phone to the sound of typing one more time, I just might try to hide her Palmer Tech ID."

He stopped checking bottle stocks while he thought of how he could dissuade her from her plans. Thea running into Palmer, or even trying to drag Felicity away from her work, it just didn't end well in his mind. "Maybe you should give her a call first. Check she's not busy or maybe she's got plans."

"We both know she won't be on monitor duty, since all the men currently have their normal jobs to attend to. Well that's if a stubborn someone stays in bed like he's been ordered."

It was the first time she'd outright alluded to the fact that she knew Oliver was Arrow. "Well huh, I guess you have a point. But you should still call her first."

Thea sighed. "Okay Mr. Sensible, when did you get so logical?"

::: ::: :::

Felicity was ready for her evening visitor when she arrived. She had gathered her things while Thea slipped into her office and leaned against the glass door.

The younger woman was dressed impeccably as always and had a small smirk on her face. Felicity eyed her cautiously.

"Why do I get the impression that I'm going to an interrogation rather than a nice dinner at Pappa's Perfect Pizzas?"

Thea smiled widely. "Because you're extremely smart, but I promise it won't hurt much." She looped her arm through Felicity's and tugged her out of her office and to the elevators. She didn't want to give her captive any chance to beg off this date.

Felicity and Thea made it to the underground parking garage. Thea had caught a cab so that they wouldn't have to find two parkings at the restaurant. Felicity had unlocked the car when she saw a shadow behind the support pillar. Thea must have spotted something too because she immediately looked on guard.

"Felicity, wait," Ray called out, jogging in their direction from the elevators.

Thea saw swift movement of darkly dressed figures in the mirrored surface of the Mini's windows. Discreetly, she unbuttoned the two buttons she had done up on her coat. She reached into her pockets and slid her fingers into her knuckle dusters.

They came at her fast. She sidestepped one and smashed them face first into the roof of Felicity's car using their own momentum and added force to knock them unconscious. She spun around and swiped the next attacker across the face with her reinforced metal-fist. Blood spurted from the ninja's face, their jaw dislocated, along with a few teeth. He didn't go down, so she followed up with a knee to the groin and a head kick when he'd crumpled forward. That sent him reeling to the side and he staggered into the railing.

An arrow grapple line caught her wrist but she was able to yank her unseen attacker forward, spinning the cable around her body, while keeping her other arm free. She ripped the crossbow from her assailant's grasp and head butted her in the face, breaking the archer's nose with her forehead.

"Stop," came a barked command and Thea only heeded it because she heard a pained gasp. Her fight response grew twitchy because the danger wasn't over and she'd been trained not to stop until all her attackers had been disabled, but she was still in control, her mind was clear enough to remember that she wasn't alone. Felicity, her eyes widened when she realized she had someone to protect. It wasn't just self defence she was employing.

One assailant had Felicity by the hair and held a katana to her throat. Ray was unconscious on the ground with a thin cut across his cheekbone and a rapidly growing bruise on his left temple.

Thea unwound the wire from her wrist and let the loosened cable fall away from her body. The crossbow clattering to the ground.

"She goes free and unharmed. You want me, right?"

Nyssa nodded in silent command to her assassins, and the one holding Felicity lowered the blade. "She comes along as our insurance policy. Seems your father taught you after all."

The first time they had taken Thea as bait, she had been mouthy but manageable as a captive. In reflection, Nyssa realized it was because they had taken her in front of Oliver's sidekick. She wanted to keep her skill a secret from Oliver perhaps? Now that no longer mattered. In any case, she had revealed her hand and they would take extra precautions.

Thea glanced at Felicity with an apologetic look but found the other woman didn't even look frightened, merely resigned. Thea wondered just how many times she had been confronted with assassins. It wasn't a heartwarming thought.

::: ::: :::

"Our goal is simple. We want Malcolm Merlyn. You try to be difficult or he tries to delay us and we start sending pieces of you as motivation."

Thea narrowed her eyes at the woman giving orders. "What makes you think he'll come alone?"

Nyssa smiled cruelly. "He doesn't have the Arrow to cower behind any longer."

Felicity'd eyes widened. "You knew he was responsible for Sara's death and you let Oliver take the fall because you needed him out of the way. He wouldn't let you kill Merlyn."

"Oliver was weak. He called himself the protector of Starling but he wasn't prepared to take the measures one must in order to eliminate a threat. Evil can not be reasoned with," Nyssa said coldly.

"You're a Class A Bitch," Felicity screamed at her, "How Sara could have ever loved you..." She was cut off in her dressing down by a backhand across the face. Her teeth cut the inside of her cheek and her whole head rattled from the force of the blow. Her glasses flew from her face and she blinked away tears that smarted in her eyes.

"I will allow you, your callous words spoken in grief but you will not be warned to mind your tongue again," Nyssa said sharply. "You were all told what would happen if you took action against The Demon. My father does not let a challenge go unmet. Surrender Malcolm Merlyn or you will only be the first of many to suffer for his crimes."

Felicity spat the blood from her mouth. Her teeth were stained red as she glared at Nyssa al Ghul. "You talk of evil and judgment but what gives you the right to deliver his sentence? How are you any better than him?" Felicity asked as she struggled against the bonds they'd tied her with. The wire cut into her wrists and she hissed at the pain and stopped pulling.

She was anchored between two concrete columns, they wouldn't given an inch. She had some idea of how long they'd been unconscious and she recognised the night sky. Astronomy was a hobby that she had plenty opportunity to indulge in considering the long night hours she had started keeping the past couple of years. They were still in Starling. Somewhere along the harbour.

It looked like were being held in what appeared to be a shipping warehouse but it was nondescript. It was damp, drafty and lit by primitive iron oil torches. In short it was creepy.

Nyssa turned from her dismissively, ignoring her comments and looked at Thea who was restrained similarly to Felicity. She held out Thea's phone out for her to read, that a call was being made to Malcolm. "You know what to do," she said in warning.

"Thea?" he greeted warmly, his tone expectant. He seemed to accept that she would only call if she needed him.

"Dad, I'm in trouble..."

"You have thirty minutes to come to this location. Or we start mailing pieces of your daughter to you," Nyssa interjected, when she finished speaking she ended the call.

Thea seethed while Felicity watched Nyssa with anger burning in her eyes. Thea was sure the woman would be dead several times over if looks could kill. There was a crunch and Felicity stiffened.

Nyssa lifted her foot. "Sorry, I didn't see them there." The thermopastic frames were broken beneath her boot, one lense had popped out while the other was remained in the splinted frames.

She waved all the assassins back, and Felicity and Thea were left seemingly alone.

Thea looked Felicity over. "Are you okay?"

Felicity shook her head. "I should be asking you that question. How long have you been able to fight like that?"

Thea sighed softly. "A couple of months. After the city went crazy with those masked men, I was so sick of feeling weak I asked Merlyn to train me. He'd approached me earlier to tell me that he would always watch out for me and to call him if I ever needed him. I trained in Corto Maltese. Everything he learned from them, he taught me. He made me stronger and gave me a away to stop the pain. Losing Dad, Oliver, and then Mum. Everyone lying to me, it was too much. Too painful. I just wanted it to stop. He made it stop."

"Oliver came back, Thea." She knew how much it must have hurt Thea for Oliver to run after Tommy's death and leave everyone behind. And then for him to close himself off after Moira's death but he had come around. "He wanted to be there for you."

Thea shook her head. "Oliver lied to me too. He still does. I know why, but it didn't stop the hurt. He didn't trust me. I just wanted my big brother back. He never really came back."

Felicity shook her head vigorously. "That's not true. He loves you so much."

"I know that now, but I was selfish before. I wanted him to confide in me. But he wouldn't."

Felicity fell silent. There was nothing she could say to that.

::: ::: :::

Ray came to with a throbbing headache. He sat up suddenly in a panic and almost regretted it when the parking garage roof swam.

He'd failed. Felicity and Thea Queen had been taken. Even with his extra strength training, he hadn't lasted more than a few seconds. He hadn't even managed to take anyone down. He had seen Thea fight. She was skilled, precise and relentless. He'd seen the punches and kicks before he had blacked out. Even Felicity had managed to evade the first attack before she was overwhelmed.

More than ever he was determined to finish the A.T.O.M project and make it a functioning reality. It wouldn't hurt to get some formal training either. He couldn't rely on the defensive and weapons systems he'd incorporated alone. He wouldn't always have the suit readily available, it just wasn't practical. Tonight had proved that.

He touched a hand to his cheek and saw the smear of blood on his palm when he pulled it away. He had to find them. Without the suit he couldn't be helpless. He was a man with means. He would make it impossible for these people to move anywhere in the city.

His first call was to the police. He took out his phone.

"This is Ray Palmer, I'd like to report an abduction and I need to speak to your Captain please."

While he waited, he grew determined that he would learn how to fight. He would learn how to use other's strength and their attacks against them, like he'd seen Thea do. He wouldn't be useless. He wouldn't fail again.

::: ::: :::

Laurel stood on the rooftop. The police scanner she had programmed to replay messages to her pager said that someone had just reported a kidnapping from the parking garage of Palmer Technologies.

She scouted the streets below and noticed two vans trying to be inconspicuous in the peak hour evening traffic. They weaved in tandem and tried to use side streets where possible. She kept them in sight and used the roof tops and fire escapes to stay in pursuit. She had a hunch these were the perps. Her gut was usually right. Gut feelings were pretty on the money in their family.

::: ::: :::

Merlyn came. Nyssa was a little surprised. She had pegged him for a coward, pretending to be dead all this time. Hiding from his crimes and accusers.

"Malcolm Merlyn, you are guilty of using our ways for your own gain. You committed crimes against the people of Starling and you broke your oaths when you formed the group to plan The Undertaking. For your betrayal of The Demon, the sentence is death. Are you prepared to face your judgement?"

Malcolm regarded her calmly, even though he'd been forced to his knees before her and was flanked by too sword welding assassins. "I notice that your father isn't here. Are you sure he is safe?"

Nyssa paused, watching Malcolm carefully. "Our home is unbreechable. Your movements have been closely monitored and your connections cannot help you now."

Malcolm meet her gaze, unflinching and quirked his lips into a cavalier smile. "Don't be so sure."

Thea's phone started beeping. Nyssa looked at the screen and swiped to answer the message. At first a look of confusion briefly shadowed her face as she recognized an angled shot of the foot of mountain beneath Nanda Parbat. Then there was a steady rumble that grew louder, the mountain began to trembled and crack. It shook violently and the earth caved in on itself taking her home, their sacred temple, with it.

Malcolm watched Nyssa's face, he saw the shock give way to fury and as she reached for her sword, he spoke, "It is a simulation of the devastation my device is capable of achieving. You know it works. You've seen the Glades. I've planted one beneath the mountain. You know of how many caverns that are there. Even you have never navigated them all. I was The Demon's Left Hand before you. I know his secrets. I will keep them and I will not activate the device if you leave me and my daughter alone. Tell him that from me. He leaves me and my home untouched and I will let him keep his."

Nyssa narrowed her eyes at him. "Our organisation does not negotiate. The Demon answers to no one. You have nothing but idle threats. Your device was destroyed in the quake."

"There was a second that Arrow's cohorts managed to disable. If you do a little research you'll find out it was stolen from the government facility that was studying it. You can kill me. Take the risk but you don't have that authority yet," he said a hint of smugness in his voice.

"No, I don't. But I can force you to give up it's location."

She nodded to a nearby assassin. Before the man could injure Thea with his sai, two metal clangs hit the floor followed immediately an explosion of blinding white light and a noise so loud that all other sound was cancelled out.

Already vision impaired, Felicity had given up trying to follow any of what was happening by sight and had focused on listening. She had, had her eyes closed already, so while all she could hear was ringing in her ears, she could see someone fighting. Make that two someones. And was one of them a giant panther? The concussive blast had made her dizzy and she was seeing blurry and triples of everything. Maybe she was seeing pointy ears when there weren't any. Wasn't Ted Grant's nickname Wildcat back in the day?

Felicity squinted through the dissipating smoke, she saw a flash of long blonde hair and blinked again. It couldn't be Sara but the woman moved fluidly, like she could handle herself in a fight and her form reminded Felicity of her lost friend. But Sara was dead, so who was the blonde?

Something stung her neck and she realized they must have tranqed her again. She saw them cutting Thea free. She was slumped over, so they must have drugged her too. The last thing that Felicity saw before losing consciousness was Merlyn trying to fight them off to rescue Thea, while sirens sounded in the distance.


	11. Vows

A golden eagle soared through the open window. His most loyal and fearsome soldier stiffened and put his hand on his sash that held many a ninja star but he stayed his hand at a simple wordless indication from his Master.

Ra's arose from his knees and went to the perch that the bird had taken. His own familiar was out hunting this morning, so the stand was empty.

He knew whom this magnificent bird belonged to, in truth he had awaited its arrival long before now. The bird extended it's leg for the removal of the scroll it carried. His anger towards the man mellowed with each word he read. He knew that Malcolm could be manipulative, sly and cunning but to Ra's himself, the man had always been respectful and honest.

_You are my Master._

_I make no apologies for they will not be received and my Master suffers none._

_The Undertaking was merely a tool, an instrument to carry out the will of The Demon. You charged me in my vows to vanquish evil. The Glades have not changed. What bought me to your door has never been far from my thoughts. For years I had forsaken all others, my son, my company, for the promise that I would have justice against those that killed my wife. Men, corporations, entire clans wiped out at your command by my hand, yet the Glades remained. It's evil spreading, infecting and dragging Starling City into its impoverish, corrupt and vile void. I took you at your word for you explained what motivated you. Your own loss and your desire to reshape the world. I was the Left Hand. The Hand exacting the will of The Head. Does not the hand often do the will of the Head without conscious thought?_

_I do not betray you or your secrets. Nyssa will tell you that I plan to destroy your sacred grounds. Merely a rouse to stay the impulses of a wounded lover. She will not hear me, nor does she wish for me to return to the League. The device does exist and I surrender it to you, to do with as you will._

_Moira Queen kept my daughter from me all these years. I have trained her. I will continue to mentor her. All I ask is for her to be spared from my misdeeds and be given the choice to join us of her own free will, as you offered the same to your children._

_I will meet with you. I await your bidding._

_Al Sa-Her._

At a gesture, an inked brush and parchment were pressed into his waiting hands. He scripted a single line. The recipient would know what it meant.

Perhaps he was being soft. He knew that there was a time he had considered Al Sa-Her as a successor. He had no plans to abandon The Demon cause in life or in death but he knew he wouldn't always be the best to lead. He had hoped, but now he feared that Al Sa-Her was too deeply focused on vengeance. The trial would reveal if The Magician was strong enough to resume his place under The Demon Head.

::: ::: :::

Quarantine was over and they'd packed up all the equipment. They would be moving Oliver to an vacant A.R.G.U.S safe house, Lyla had arranged. It wasn't safe for Oliver to be anywhere known to Merlyn or the League until he was back up to fighting strength.

Diggle helped his friend stand and picked up the medical bag full of supplies the doctor was sending them off with.

Oliver leaned on the crutch with his good arm and felt his insides press against the support brace that was wrapped around his chest. He winced.

"Don't think I haven't noticed her absence. But I'll spare you the beating because you're already close to a body cast but if you need me to tell you you're an idiot. I will. Happily. As many times as it takes. We might have given you space but we all heard your send off. I thought I told you not to play your game on Felicity."

Oliver tensed and glared at Diggle. "That's the point. It's not a game. My life is a death sentence to everyone around me. If I could, I'd go back to the Island but my conscience won't let me. I'm needed here. But all of you, you'd be a helluva a lot safer if you stayed clear of me."

Digger shook his head. "Oliver, we care about you. Felicity wouldn't give up on you. She was working frantically from the moment you left and she planned for the worst. You would have stayed dead if it wasn't for her. That woman saved your life literally. She beat on you till your heart decided it wasn't going to get any peace in death so it started up again. You owe her your life."

"And I will spend what's left of it protecting her," he ground out, his voice hard but wavering with tense roiling emotion.

John shook his head slowly. "Talk to her, Oliver. Existing isn't the same as living. You don't seem to see it but every time you say you're protecting her, you're the one hurting her."

John walked to the door and held it open for Oliver pass. Neither of them said anything more.

::: ::: :::

Roy burst in just before midnight. Oliver had finally turned in after Diggle had convinced him that if he didn't, he would sedate him. He never met anyone who didn't understand the word rest. Sara was just about putting herself to bed these days. She would grab her favorite blanket and look at you expectantly, with those big dark eyes if hers. He really missed the nights he wasn't there to tuck her in. The pitfalls of working in the hero business. Police, emergency services, doctors, nurses, they all had shifts. It was a calling, what other reason would you sacrifice time with your loved ones but to help others or keep them safe? Dealing with a moody, wounded, stubborn ox of a man who behaved worse than his nephew with a ear infection, wasn't what he would call a dream job.

He knew they were in trouble the moment he saw Roy's face.

"Thea and Felicity are missing. I ran a trace program but there was no signal, so their phones must be off or damaged. I went to Felicity's office since that's where they were meeting and Palmer and Detectives were in her office. I didn't stick around. She hasn't got anything sensitive there, right?"

John shook his head. "No, she didn't keep anything there. It's all at the Foundry. But her phone could have sensitive information."

"The Arrow could call Captain Lance."

"Already done," Oliver said.

Diggle turned and glared accusingly at the appearance of the younger man. "We're handling it and you're supposed to be sleeping."

"I've slept three hours. That's more than enough in any one stretch for me," Oliver said argumentatively. "Palmer described he attackers and Lance thinks it's the League. He mentioned Nyssa visiting him and gloating over my death. He's relieved to hear I'm still among the living. Call came in awhile ago and police tracked them to the warehouse I met Ra's in but they only managed to capture one assassin. He killed himself before they could get him in the squad car."

"Do they have any more leads? What should we do?"

"Lance mentioned that there were two vigilantes on the scene. I'm counting on Merlyn being one if them. You'll need to access Felicity's system and check the recordings. I asked her to mirror Thea's phone after we learned that she was in contact with Merlyn. Nyssa would have expected him to come. We could try to run a trace on his number."

John nodded. "Do you mind if I bring Lyla in on this? I don't think we can afford to lose time while figuring out how to run the searches."

Oliver nodded. "Just keep me in the loop."

Both men knew how difficult this was for Oliver to sit out but he wasn't even on solids yet. His stomach and liver were still healing. The wound to his intestines was healing well now that the virus had been neutralized but he was still on a feeding tube. All he'd had so far was soups, fibre-free smoothies and water and those made him nauseated.

He was losing mass by the day and it was frustrating him as much as everything else he had no control over. He couldn't do his normal exercise regimen, he couldn't eat the foods he needed to keep up his muscle tone, he couldn't patrol, he really couldn't do much of anything but walk around and do light weights. He hadn't lifted the kind of weights John had given him ever in his life. The metal pole he used on the salmon ladder weighed more.

"I should be at the Foundry. I can sleep there and I can run the systems while you guys look into the League's movements and track down Merlyn."

John put a hand on his shoulder. "I'll see if Felicity left her remote tablet there. I'll check her home too, if the Defectives cleared out already. You should be able to access everything from here then."

"And if the police took it as evidence?" Roy interjected.

John shook his head. "I doubt anyone on Lance's system could break her security. And even though he's never said anything, we both know Lance knows who wears the Hood. He'll help us. If we ask, he'll release any personal effects they found."

"I'll call and let you know," Oliver said. "Roy, meet Lyla at the Foundry and find Merlyn."

::: ::: :::

Sarab bowed respectfully and passed Nyssa a note. She scanned it, her entire body rigid and her eyes icy cold in fury by the end. It wasn't a long message, it didn't even offer any explanations, just ordered her to leave Starling, release her hostages and return home. She didn't know what she expect more. There were never any explanations only orders.

"Where is Merlyn?" She refused to call him by his League name. He had betrayed their Master and she was certain he had killed Sara, whether by his hand or another's, he was responsible, she was sure of it.

"He killed three of our men before we lost him," Sarab told her.

"Release them. We leave Starling within the hour."

Her father might want to give Merlyn another chance. Or possibly kill the man himself, she smiled darkly. Whatever the case, she would watch The Magician carefully and one misstep and he wouldn't just lose his own life, she would make sure she took his daughter's in front of him. Just as he had stolen Sara from her. She would take what was most precious from him.

She cast a glance at the two women slumped against each other while tied to a thick cement column. Her men were removing the bonds. They lowered them both to the ground and then scattered from the industrial site.

::: ::: :::

Thea came too and felt cold grittiness against cheek. Her phone lay on the ground about an inch from her face. She turned it on and pushed herself up, crawling over to Felicity, while she waited for her system to start up. She dialled Roy as soon as it was active.

"Can you trace my location? I need help. Felicity might have a concussion but it looks like they left us. We're okay, Roy."

She set the phone on the ground and turned the speaker off. She wanted them to be able trace the signal but she didn't want anyone who might be listening, to hear what Roy might say or whom he was talking too. She had heard a woman's voice in the background and tried not to feel jealous. She had Roy hadn't been anything for a long time now. She gently lifted Felicity's shoulders and put her head in her lap. Roy was a nice guy and he was sweet when he wanted to be but he had hurt her with his lies. She wouldn't try to start anything with him, unless he was prepared to make some changes. Truthfully she hadn't been interested in relationships at all, save the ones she had with her father and Oliver. She frowned at the nagging headache that started up between her eyes. She breathed deeply. Maybe she'd gotten knocked around a little herself.

"Wake up, Felicity." Thea tucked back the strands of hair that had pulled free from her hair tie. She gingerly touched the blooming redness across her friend's cheek and jaw. It was already starting to swell and purple. It was going to look horrific tomorrow. She could see the bruises on her own knuckles from her fighting. Her wrists were weeping blood and it had smeared over her shirt and jacket. Felicity's wrists actually looked worse. She must have been pulling too much. Thea tore out her sleeves and bound Felicity's lacerated, bleeding wrists.

Sirens sounded and Thea hugged Felicity closer. "Were going to be fine, don't quit on me okay?"

She didn't think Felicity had suffered anything life threatening but head wounds were never anything to take lightly. Thea was surprised to see Captain Lance as the first on the scene but then she realized she shouldn't be. He seemed supportive of the Arrow now, he'd disbanded the task force. And she had seen him around Verdant a couple of times. He was close to his daughters. He had visited Sara when she had worked there. He seemed like a good man. A hardworking man, and a supportive father.

If he knew that it was the League that had taken them, he would want to know why. Laurel had said that he didn't know about Sara. Thea worried about what she was going to say when they were questioned. What did he know about the League? Did he know about Sara's connection to them?

"We'll need to take statements but I want you both looked at first. Is there someone you want with you?"

She wasn't a minor anymore, she didn't need a guardian present. She had nothing to confess so she didn't think a lawyer was necessary either. A support person might be nice though. There was someone she hadn't reached out to since her mom's confession. She felt ashamed for her mother and after learning that she was Malcolm's daughter she was worried about Walter's reaction. Her father had known. He hadn't cared but what about Walter. All their mother had done was lie to him; about Malcolm, about the accident, about his abduction, her involvement in The Undertaking, about Thea's parentage. Walter might have washed his hands of them.

Her heart argued otherwise though. He had backed Oliver's bid to try and get Queen Consolidated back. And that was after her mom had confessed to being an accomplice to a mass murderer. He hadn't held Oliver's biology against him. Walter had never given her any reason to believe he didn't see her for herself. He had tried to talk to her at her mother's funeral but she wasn't in a good frame of mind to talk to anyone.

_"Your mother showed you how much she loved you, in ways that few parents can."_

As much as she hated what her mother had done, she loved her. Every betrayal had hurt her to her core because she had felt so close to her mom but she realised that she hadn't really known her at all. That psycho Slade had called it right through, Moira Queen was a brave woman. She was the type of woman who could face an angry throng crying for her blood. She was the type of woman who could make nice with a room full of snobs who couldn't care less about her but came because her name still sold media. She was a woman who could stare down death without crying or cowering because she had courage and conviction.

She had chosen the wrong person to emulate. Malcolm couldn't teach her anything she didn't already know, qualities she already had. She had gotten them from her mother. She wasn't a Queen but there was no way in hell she was ever going to be a Merlyn either. From now on it was Thea 'Mia' Dearden. She would honour her mother's memory. The most courageous person she'd ever known. A parent who literally did everything to secure a future for her children.

"If you could call Walter Steele? He's my step father and he knows Felicity well too. I think she'd appreciate a friendly face."

Lance smiled encouragingly. "I will give him a call."

At that moment the ambulance arrived and soon medics where lifting Felicity into a gurney. They put a thermal blanket around her shoulders and she allowed herself to be led into the same bus as Felicity. She waved off their attention when they tried to look at her wrists.

"Just look after her. I'm okay."

The entire ride to emergency, Thea watched them work on Felicity with unblinking eyes. She felt numb. She was sure that Merlyn was behind the League letting them go. She didn't know what he'd negotiated, but she suspected that whatever it was the price would be high, possibly life ending but she could bring herself to feel anything more than mild relief about it. All she cared about that was they had been released. If they were left alone permanently she might bring herself say thank you. Although she wasn't sure she should even do that. It was his choices that had made them a target of the Assassins anyway. She absently rubbed her head. That prickling wasn't getting worse but it wasn't going away either.


	12. Confessions

She was safe. They had let both her and Thea go. His hands were shaking and he was gripping the basin in a white knuckle grip, it was so bad he was making the entire vanity shudder. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror, his eyes were wild and his hair was growing out in a hibernating bear style, he had several days worth of beard on his face yet he still managed to look as though he needed a blood transfusion to get rid of the white sheet impersonation. He let go of the basin and fell back against the wall, sliding down till he hit the floor. His head in his hands, he let out the tension that he'd been holding in, without an outlet it had been coiling his body tighter than a piano wire.

As he shook and rocked against his knees, the tears came hot and fast. He felt useless and helpless. This broken body couldn't even carry him across the room without twitching involuntarily and he'd been so anxious before that he'd vomited the entire protein drink he'd made for an early breakfast.

Thea and Felicity were in hospital. Thea had been cleared but Felicity had lost blood, she had a concussion and a bruised jaw, but no broken teeth, thankfully. They wanted to monitor her for a full 24- hours before they would consider releasing her. He had gotten the run down from Roy and he'd spoken to his sister briefly, who'd reassured him that they were both okay. She'd told him that she would call again when Felicity was awake. She hadn't woken properly yet. She was dazed. She was having a bad reaction to whatever sedatives they'd used on them and the doctors were trying to flush her system and wanted her resting.

He was grateful that Walter had stayed with them for everything: Thea's statement to Captain Lance and the leading investigator, the doctor's tests and he'd even called Donna and offered to fly her over. Felicity's mom couldn't get off work right away but she said to call as soon as Felicity was conscious and she would come if Felicity needed her to. Every time they'd called on him, Walter had come through. Oliver felt guilty for once believing he was anything less than a loyal, honourable man.

Oliver was playing dead for the sake of their enemies. Right now he felt as good as dead for all the help and protection he had been.

Part of his fear while they had been taken was his concern that she believed he didn't care, that he didn't want her in his life. It killed him to think that if she was hurt, if she was killed, he would never get to tell her again just how much he loves her.

He beat his fists against the hard tiled floor. He knew she wasn't stupid. She had read between the lines of what he didn't say when he had asked her not to work with the Arrow. Arrow was all he was these days so by asking her to leave the Arrow, he was asking her to leave him.

And she had left him. He had heard about her from the others. Thea seemed to get a kick out of needling him by talking about Felicity incessantly. She wasn't very subtle in trying to ply him for information either. She wanted to know everything. How they met, how long they'd really been working together, did he know that he was in love with his ex PA slash IT girl slash family friend. She said she considered Felicity a family friend because technically Oliver had met her through Walter and Walter was not only a good judge of character but family, so Felicity was a friend of the family. She had grinned manically after that point.

He almost felt sorry for unleashing his sister on Felicity. But he knew Felicity could handle herself and it looked like his sister was firmly in Felicity's corner already anyway, going by the fact that she kept asking if Felicity had come back to see him yet. Hinting that she kept missing the blonde tech specialist every time she dropped by.

Oliver hadn't seen her in person since he'd woken up. He had seen her visit the lair once on the security feed while he was still in the clinic. She had picked up a few things and left never once looking up at the cameras she knew were there. He was the reason she hadn't been around to see him. He had wanted this, to protect her. But the reality of it was nothing like he imagined. Nothing that he could have prepared himself for. He didn't know what he was without her. She'd be come such an integral part of his life. He had seen her almost every day.

The times she had been busy with work or when she'd been in Central City, he had been lost. He had felt her absence keenly. The lair was quiet. Too quiet. She brought warmth and vibrancy everywhere she went.

He wanted to see her. The longer time went by since he had seen her last, the more powerful the ache became. His chest hurt all the time. It was like a vice had taken up residence around his heart and was slowly tightening more and more with each passing moment.

In his mind's eye, he kept seeing the shock and disbelief in her eyes, the way her lips parted slightly as though to argue a point but then clamped them tightly in steely determination before she spoke those final words.

She didn't mask the hurt in her eyes or the blush of anger in her cheeks. He had watched her fingers curl into fists as she gathered her belongings with stiff, jerky motions in her haste to be free of him.

Her absence was killing him slowly but he could say anything about it. He had engineered this. It's what he wanted for her. To be free of his poison, free from his nightmares, free from the chains of death he would put around her shoulders. He wouldn't drag her down with him.

Sara had believed there was still light in him. She had been wrong. It was Felicity's aura reflected off a mirror of crude blackness that was all that was left of his soul that she had seen. Felicity burned so bright it was easy to miss the shadows she chased away from those around her. While she was around everyone seemed more put together, happier, whole.

He brushed the wetness from his face. He shouldn't love her. He wasn't even sure how it happened. He didn't think he was capable of love. He was too broken, too corrupt, damaged and selfish. He knew the moment she had changed him. He had told her about it. It had happened in an instant. He had been drawn to her energy, her wit. She was intelligent and carried herself with confidence. She seemed so unaffected by him at their first meeting that he'd been mesmerised. People were either charmed into gullibility or intimidated by him. He knew he had charm, it came naturally but she had been immune. At least she had appeared that way.

The dream hadn't faded as he had believed it would. Like his nightmares it had been too vivid more like memories than a fantasy his mind had created. He could still smell her, he could still remember the taste of her kiss, the feel of her lips on his and the touch of her skin. Another tear slipped down his cheek and he scrubbed at it angrily.

He was torturing himself with her memory. Both the real memories and the manufactured ones. His heart wouldn't let go and his mind wouldn't clear. His fingers twitched again. He could still feel the ghost of the impression her hand in his had left.

He flexed and relaxed his fingers trying to release the sensation. It wouldn't fade.

He palmed his face hoping a new feeling would overwrite the haunting tactile memory. It was working but not fast enough. He pressed harder.

The door to the bathroom creaked open.

"The moping has gone on long enough. Lyla said that it looks like the League cleared out. Put these on, I'm driving you."

Oliver knew where they were headed and didn't argue. He was happy to be let out of isolation and he knew John would have his back. Roy and Lyla too. He pulled the hoodie on with a wince and washed his face. After drying off using the towel on the rack, he fitted the Starling Rockets baseball cap. With the excess facial hair, the baggy hoodie and haunted expression, he was almost unrecognisable.

"Hard to miss Oliver Queen's bodyguard," he said humourlessly, meeting John's eyes in the mirror.

Diggle gave him a half smile and shook his head. "Roy is walking you in. I'll be in the car."

::: ::: :::

Felicity opened her eyes and shut them again quickly. "Lights," she moaned.

Thea shut off the overhead light. "Sorry," she said apologetically. "We've had every public professional through here, I didn't even think. Felt like a zoo exhibit."

"Smoak, the star attraction. Fabulous. Sounds like sleazy billboard's bad slogan," Felicity mumbled behind the arm she had over her face. "Everything hurts. Why does it hurt?" she moaned pitifully.

Thea patted her hand that lay on the sheets. "I'll get the doctor. They wanted to know your pain level before giving you anything. Also they wanted to know your allergies since you didn't take well to whatever they tranqued us with." She reached behind Felicity and pressed the call button on the wall.

Felicity lowered her arm and pulled a face. "It's not as though we could stop and ask if there could be possible side effects. Excuse me, Ms. Hair-trigger-Ninja Lady, can I not get tranqued please, I might get hives or end up comatose. Okay you won't, thank you ever so much. So considerate of you. Oh and maybe could you not take me hostage too?" She battered her lashes and made doe eyes at Thea before she snorted again and then pulled at her wrist bandage. "These are way too tight and itch like a mosquito bite on steroids." Felicity grabbed at her face. "That tramp broke my glasses," she said with a growl.

Thea tried not to grin at her antics but failed. Her words and gestures were just so candid and exaggerated that it was impossible not to.

"Okay, I'm not being a big wimp. But can someone show me the morphine? I thought doctors liked their patients

agreeable and pliant. I'm not very nice when I'm sore. I'm a grouch. I'll give Oscar a run for his trashcan. Thea, please tell them to have pity on me."

Thea patted her arm. "I'll go look for someone, seems these call buttons are just for show."

Felicity closed her eyes again and grit her saw jaw gingerly breathing harshly through her nose, in an effort to dull the pain. Supposedly deep breathing helped. Right now she wasn't feeling it. Her wrist wounds felt akin to a thousand paper-cuts being periodically sprayed with lemon juice. The burn was almost intolerable. She needed something to take the edge off or she'd go crazy. When she got shot she hardly remembered the pain. The adrenaline had worn off pretty fast but Sara had already given her pills by then and they'd given her a bottle to take home to cover out the week. It had pinched and throbbed but hadn't burned like this. Maybe it was because her wrists were so sensitive.

The door opened and she said aloud without even looking at Thea, "Insanity by a thousand paper-cuts. That's what this feels like. And how am I going to use a keyboard. I have lazy wrists. Give it a couple more years and I'll be the poster child for tendonitis. I never had good piano posture, no matter how bad my mom wished I would."

"I didn't know you could play," Oliver said quietly.

Felicity stopped talking and sucked in air sharply. "You look terrible," she said blinking owlishly at him. "Which is saying a lot since I've seen you worse, well not worse, well dead," she growled softly and muttered to herself, her brows pinched together. He thought he could read her lip movements. She was counting. "Actually I can't even see you properly since Ms. al Ghul broke my glasses and right now you're an Oliver foggy shape and I can't even see your face, it's a hat joined by a brownish scruffy blur."

Oliver smirked. Her description wasn't that far from the truth. He need a shave badly.

"I think you're smiling, why are you smiling?" She sounded annoyed.

"I'm happy you're alive. They could have killed you." He came closer and traced his fingers over the bandages around her wrist that lay against the sheets. She shivered and drew it away from his touch.

"If you're here for Thea, she's looking for a doctor. Not sure when she'll be back."

She said it almost dismissively. As though she expected him to leave once she told him his sister wasn't around.

"How did you even get in? It's not anywhere close to visiting hours and you're supposed to be incognito."

Oliver sat in the chair that was pulled close to her bed, shoving his hands in his hoodie pockets to hide the nervous ticks. "I'd be pretty bad at my night job if I wasn't stealthy."

Felicity nodded absently. "Not that I don't appreciate the concern, even if it is incredibly confusing, but why are you here?"

Oliver felt her words lance through him. How could she not see how much she meant to him. He opened his mouth to tell her when he saw her startle. She looked panicked, nervous. He hated that he made her feel that way.

"Don't you dare. Don't say that. You don't get to say that to me."

He looked at her in confusion. He had told her. Once was for Slade's benefit and he wasn't sure he would have told her otherwise. He wasn't in a position to offer her anything and he wasn't sure himself until he had said it out loud that it was true. The second time he told her, he had meant to say the words and he had wanted her to know. He wanted to see her face and her reaction. He had startled her then too but this time was different. This time she was angry.

"Felicity, I need you safe. It's why I asked you to give up Arrow," he implored her softly.

Felicity smiled humourlessly before narrowing her eyes at him. "You're under this misguided belief that the world revolves around you."

Oliver flinched. Felicity was rarely so callous. She could be blunt and uncensored but this felt intentional. She wanted to hurt him.

"You feel responsible for everyone when it's not your fault," her voice softened and she twisted her hands in the sheets tugging at the folds, before she meet his eyes again. "I keep telling you but you never listen. This is my choice not yours. If I get hurt that's not your fault. This time it actually has everything to do with the fact that you're supposed to be out of the equation. It's like the world's worst kept secret that Malcolm Merlyn is responsible for Sara's death. Both Ra's and Merlyn both had their own reasons for wanting you gone and you being you, you let it happen."

"You said you wouldn't stop me, that you understood," he said argumentatively, reminding her.

Felicity huffed at him. "You're pitbull stubborn and I couldn't ask you to choose to save yourself. To put your own life before Thea's even though that is exactly what I wanted. Your sister is awesome but Oliver, I thought I was the most transparent girl around. I love you. So much that it's making me crazy and no one can hurt me like you do."

He felt his heart clench painfully at the anguish on her face. She meant every word. He was hurting her. He was trying to protect her but he was hurting her instead.

"Haven't you ever heard of the saying that those capable of hurting us the most are the ones we love? You tell me you can't be with someone you care about when you saw what choosing Isabel did to me but then you turned around to be with Sara," she said sniffed bitterly. "I felt so stupid. I couldn't even get upset about it because Sara was so perfect and she nice to me, almost the total opposite of Isabel Rochev."

He couldn't say anything to that so he held his tongue. He had no idea how long he had been hurting her. He felt like the biggest douche bag. It had been easy to ignore how Felicity made him feel with the camaraderie and understanding he had with Sara. There was no risk with Sara. She was the safe choice. It felt like when he'd chosen to be with her while with Laurel all over again. His feelings about Sara hadn't changed, she was fun, she accepted him for the imperfect person he was. He had nothing to lose and he was selfish. He needed an outlet and she'd been only to willing to be one. She had needed him that way too.

"You tell me things like I'm your girl. That you love me and you kiss me but you can't be with me? Then you say what you said to Cupid? I can't keep on brushing myself off every time you say or do something to lure me in and then push me away. I'm not strong enough." A tear slid down her cheek and accentuated the purple swelling there.

Oliver slid closer and threaded his fingers in her hair, pressing his forehead to the unmarred side of her face. He kissed her cheek and felt moisture touch his lips.

"I don't want to hurt you. It's the last thing I want."

"So don't," she said brokenly, imploring him desperately. She clutched at his free hand with both of hers, squeezing tight to assure herself that he really was there.

He kissed her lightly again. Daring to kiss her a little lower, closer to her lips.

She whimpered when his chin bumped her jaw and pulled away. She ducked her head and closed her eyes tight to stop the swell of emotion his nearness was threatening to drown her in. She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't break down in front of him. His actions were so confusing. Just being near him caused a mini-cyclone of nerves inside her. And when he touched her or heaven help her when he kissed her, her brain went completely offline.

"You should go . You shouldn't be here," she said quietly.

He released her reluctantly and sat back against the backrest of the chair. "Will you come back?"

Felicity lifted and turned her head to met his gaze, her eyes wet. "Do you want me to?" She hoped he understood what she was asking. She hoped that three days of isolation and her absence was self punishment enough for him to realize he needed her.

"I love you, Felicity," he said earnestly, raising to his feet.

She nodded and smiled at him. It was the first real smile she'd been capable of making in days.

"I love you too."


	13. Loss

Oliver gently brushed the hair from her forehead and slipped the glasses from her face. She had fallen asleep halfway through the movie and had slid from his shoulder to his lap. Not that he was complaining in the slightest.

Thea had come by the safe house after work to find them on the sofa. And she brought over a blanket for Felicity with a fond smile.

"Glad you two got it together. I was beginning to think I'd have to stage an intervention. I remember trying those with you and Laurel." That said, she pulled a face. "She was always nice to me but I never did think you were right for each other."

Oliver raised an eyebrow. He remembered when Thea would get them to talk when he had done something stupid or hurtful and Laurel had called a break on their relationship. There had been quite a few of those. Yet Thea always helped bring them back together. He wasn't the only one not immune to a hopelessly romantic pre-teen with big brown eyes, who believed in being in love forever. He felt sad that she had lost that innocence because of their mother.

What Felicity had said to him rang true, the one we loved were the ones who could inflict the deepest hurt. His mother and father had loved each other, however dysfunctional their relationship, but he had always had a different outlook on love through living his own relationships. You could love someone and be with them without being faithful to them. It wasn't right but it was a harsh reality. He had changed though, he valued trust and loyalty, he knew those traits were rare and he had done his best to change his character so that he could be someone to the people that he cared about who had those qualities.

"You never said anything before." He wanted to know why she had tried so hard to make things work between him and Laurel. Practically her first conversation with him after he came back was an update on Laurel and then an offer to brainstorm Operation Win Her Back, even though she knew Laurel and Tommy had a thing.

Thea snorted. "Of course not. Laurel was crazy about you before and I'd seen her with her claws out. I was terrified of her. But I didn't say anything because it's what you wanted. I always wanted to see you happy. You're my favorite big brother."

Oliver's lips twisted into a half smile. "I remember saying that I was your only brother to that, but turns out you did have two," his said softly his voice turning gruff.

Thea hugged herself and pulled her knees up to her chest where she was seated at the other end of the couch. "Just one more thing to hate him for," she said bitterly while dashing away a tear that slid down her cheek. "I don't know why I care at all, but in my head I keep defending him. I know that he cares for me, as messed up as it might seem. He promised to always protect me. I think the only reason the League backed off was because he gave them what they wanted. I haven't been able to reach him and neither has his super-hush associates."

Oliver raised an eyebrow. "Associates?"

Thea wiped away more tears. "Dick and Bob, don't give me that look that's their real names. His lawyer and his accountant. Malcolm Merlyn may be dead but his company is still running and he's the shadow CEO under an alias. He's got someone he trusts running things and Merlyn Global rode out the Undertaking with barely a dent in its share price. He's uber rich, which by extension made me Fortune 500 overnight while Mom's was the face that got plastered all over the news and the Queen name dragged through the mud. I guess if you're going to commit genocide, plan to fake your death and have someone else take the fall. He was good at that." She looked at Oliver pointedly. "I don't care what he told you, never put your life in his hands like that again. I'm a big girl, Ollie. I can take care of myself."

Oliver let out a breath that hurt his chest since he had been unconsciously been holding it in, letting her talk, worried about what she might have learned.

"I'll always do everything I can for you, Thea," he said firmly, fixing her with a pleading look. "You're my family. I will never walk away from my family."

Thea blinked and twisted the pillow in her hands threatening to burst out the stuffing. "What's that mean for me? I can't trust Merlyn but he's my..."

"He's not your father," Oliver interjected, his voice hard. "There are only two men who ever treated you like a daughter and I believe you choose your family. Good parents don't try to turn their kids into killers. They do everything they can to prevent that. It's what Dad did for me and it's what Mom did for us," he finished his voice breaking. There he said it. He didn't want to, but she needed to hear it. Thea had come a long way in her feelings toward their mother but he needed to tell her about Slade.

"I know you told me about Dad. But how did Mom, oh..."

Oliver swallowed and looked down at Felicity sleeping peacefully while he gathered his thoughts. "On the island there was a woman named Shado. Slade loved her and I got her killed. If she hadn't cared about me, she wouldn't have been with me and gotten taken by Ivo. He was this scientist who was experimenting on people. Almost exactly the same way Slade was doing with all those people who turned into mindless killers last year.

"Back on the island we got in the way of Ivo's plans. So he caught us and forced me to choose between Sara and Shado. He was doing it in the hope that I would chose Shado and that Sara would see it as a betrayal and return to him. I wouldn't choose, I couldn't so he killed Shado. Slade has wanted revenge ever since. He wants to take everything from me so I can experience the loss he feels. The Mirikuru drugs changed him, it feeds his anger and clouds the mind. There's nothing left of the man who was once my friend.

"Mom stood up because she didn't want me to choose, Thea. She didn't want me to have blood on my hands. She couldn't know, she didn't know how I've already hurt the ones I loved and she faced him anyway. She wanted you to close your eyes so you wouldn't witness death. She didn't want you to see murder. The last thing she would have wanted was for you to want vengeance. To kill in her name. She knew I couldn't choose and she didn't want to risk Slade killing you on a whim. She didn't fight, she didn't ask either of us to fight. She stood in front of a mad man, waiting for death so that we could live."

Thea tucked her chin against her knees. "I've lodged paperwork to change my name. I'm not really a Queen and I wanted to honour Mom's memory. So you'll probably see a listing in the personal columns soon about Thea Dearden Queen becoming Mia Dearden."

Oliver smiled. "I'm sure Mom would have protested against it but she would have been secretly pleased. You'll always be Speedy to me."

Thea returned his smile and cocked her head thoughtfully. "I'm still too fast for you, Allie."

Oliver tossed a pillow at her and Thea dodged it, it sailed harmlessly into the kitchen area.

"Told you so," she said blowing a raspberry at him.

Oliver did it back at her before laughing and she joined him. He had thought that he would always have the lie of the Arrow and everything connected to it. It had been a constant worry that someday it would prove too much and Thea would give up on him. He was prepared for it and he cherished every moment she still welcomed him in her life. The relief knowing she accepted the Arrow and that he could confess other things from his past that now connected to the present was an immeasurable weight off his shoulders. He felt more at peace than he'd ever felt. While their close involvement in his life put them at greater risk, having them aware of the danger and make their own choices to stay gave him confidence and freedom to be himself. He wanted them all to know the real him, even though he was afraid that someday they would wake up and realize that he wasn't the hero they made him out to be, their love and their support was everything to him. Their antics woke Felicity and she blinked up at him blearily.

"Did I fall asleep?" She rolled slightly and he only just caught her shoulders before she would have fallen off completely. As it happened her legs had slipped off the couch though but she found her feet quickly. "I'm okay, let me up," she said her cheeks flushed.

Brushing her hair out of her eyes, she tucked it behind her ears. While nervously straightening her clothes, she glanced at her fancy Palmer Tech watch. She had taken to wearing it since rescuing him. The tech had saved lives twice now, she didn't believe in luck but she made an exception in this case. Her eyes fixed on the time and she missed Oliver's frown when he noticed the accessory.

Thea looked between them conspiringly and in cat like grace she left the couch and stretched. "It's late, so I'm off. I'll bring you something from Raisa tomorrow. She wants to see you some time by the way. She is at the house on Tuesdays and Fridays."

Oliver nodded his acknowledgement and stood himself. He didn't use the crutch Diggle had brought along and his cast, while bulky, he hardly wore in a sling. He looked over at Felicity. She was pulling at the sleeves of her sweater and looking around absently.

"I should get going too. It's late and you should get some sleep, in a bed," she said when he glanced between her and the couch.

"I'd sleep better with you," he said cheekily.

Felicity's mouth dropped open before she blurted, "And I'd love to sleep with you, you have no idea how many times I've thought of you asking me, and you so didn't mean it like that, head out of the sweaty sex sheets, shutting up now... Three, two, one," she softly in toned.

Oliver reached for her hand and tugged her close. Grinning fondly at her wide-eyed expression, he kissed her forehead and held her with one arm, hugging her. He waited for her to look up at him and he caught her gaze. "When we take that step, I don't want you to have any regrets because I know I won't. Right now this is new and I don't want to rush anything, besides I'm on strictly non-strenuous activity," he said with twitch of a smirk. He brushed his thumb across her jaw, the bruise was fading and she no longer flinched but trembled a little against his touch. He hoped it was in a good way. "Teasing aside, I know I'll sleep better with you close. So this is me asking, Felicity. Stay?"

She caught his wrist and held his hand in place, turning her face to press her lips to his palm. Turning to look back up at him, she threaded her fingers in his, and nodded.

"Okay, I'll stay."

They decided that it was safer for Felicity to sleep spooned against his back. As much as he wanted to hug her, she kept accidentally elbowing or bumping his wounds and bags covering his stomach area. So they had switched. Felicity was only too happy to hug him. It was one of her favorite fantasies to watch over him while he slept, hopefully peacefully. She had seen him have nightmares before and they all knew not to attempt to touch him awake. Instead they played music. That seemed to help. It broke through whatever was haunting him, being out of place with the torture his memories took him too and being able to bring him back. Symphony lullabies worked best. The quiet, gentle melodies soothed his frantic, scattered thoughts and brought him to a more peaceful rest or wakefulness.

He fell asleep before she did. With her arm tucked under his, held in the safe zone over his heart. Felicity felt the steady strong beat slow to an even rhythm, she counted his breaths but still couldn't sleep. Having napped already and living out something she never actually believed could be a reality, she was too hyped to sleep. She lost track of the time, studying the lines of his face and the movement of his chest rising and falling, his fingers absently tightening around hers. She kissed his neck, just behind his ear and felt him shiver just slightly and pull her closer, his hold on her arm drawing her in. She snuggled against his back, pressing her face between his shoulder blades and closed her eyes, waiting for sleep to come.

It was around 3 A.M when his breathing changed but that wasn't what alerted her to an oncoming nightmare. He let go of her hand and grabbed at the pillow under his head. He curled in on himself, and Felicity could feel him shaking.

"I'm sorry," he whispered brokenly.

Felicity sat up, not sure what she should do at first. He had warned both her and Diggle never to try and wake him by touching him. She threw off the blankets and ran for her phone. She knew it was in her bag in the lounge.

When Oliver had lead her to the bedroom, she hadn't taken any of her things with her. She had stripped off to her tank-top and underwear for bed. Oliver had been particularly impressed to see how she could remove her bra without taking off her top. He'd said something like girls had never worried about flashing him before. She had thrown her bra at him for that reminder of his past conquests. He chuckled and said that was more like it. She had growled at him for his goading and she only forgave him and joined him under the blankets when he'd tugged her down and kissed her thoroughly.

She found her phone on the coffee table and scrolled through her playlist. As she headed back to the bedroom, she found his favorite song and started to play it. However as she drew closer, it didn't seem to work like it normally would have. He grabbed at the pillow harder, his face twisting in so much sorrow that it turned her stomach in knots.

Reaching out, she dared to touch him. Her fingers ghosting over his brow and finding the sweat pooling there.

"Oliver, baby, I'm here. Wake up," she said her voice tight in concern.

His lips fell open and a gasp escaped. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. We'll find her. Felicity, I'm sorry. I should never have given her up. Baby, I'm sorry. I'll find her, I swear, I will."

"I know you will, Oliver. Wake up," she said pleadingly, desperately. She couldn't stand to see him in so much pain. He was such a controlled person. He kept a tight lid on all of his emotions. He was the expert at repressed feelings. It was like living with a pressure cooker. You never knew when the value would break and start spraying excess in release. It had to give sometime. Unconscious, all the things he kept reigned in, came pouring out. There was rarely a night she had seen him sleep restfully. He continued to trembled and tear at the pillow. Her lips pinched in helpless frustration and worry for him. "We'll find her together."

"Felicity, I need you. I need you with me." Tears were taking down his cheeks in a steady steam and Felicity was practically vibrating with the impulse to hold him and comfort him.

She was about to stand and find a wash cloth to throw on him and end the mental torment, consequences be damned when his hand shot out and grabbed her arm. His grip strong enough it startled her into stillness and keep her anchored to him. She covered his hand with hers and that seemed to get him to relax enough the grip was no longer bruising.

"Oliver, wake up," she shouted at him. At a loss for what else she could do.

He shuddered and his eyes jerked open. He was breathing hard and it took him a moment to focus on her. In the next heartbeat she found herself in a crushing embrace.

"Hey," she soothed him softly, cording her fingers in gentle motions through his short hair. "I'm not going anywhere, you're safe." She cradled his head in both her hands, attempting to pull him back from being buried in her chest. When he finally looked up at her, she brushed the tears from his cheeks and gave him a expectant look. "You need to tell me what happened because this wasn't like the others."

Oliver's face shuttered. She could see him retreating and result was instantaneous. His arm dropped from her waist and his hand that had gripped her top so hard it had ridden up, unfurled and smoothed it down as he pulled away. He turned from her and shifted further away across the bed. Felicity had to scrambled back into the bed to keep herself in his line of sight.

"Oliver, the music didn't work and you were seriously hurting about something. The music has always worked for us. If this happens again, we need to know how to stop it."

Oliver fisted his hands in the covers, twisting until his knuckles turned white. He shook his head angrily. Why did his dreams have to betray him. Why did Felicity have to push now? She had never pushed him to talk about anything before, patiently waiting for him to open up on his own terms.

"Who was she? The girl you lost."

He looked up at her and he knew his eyes must be red and wild looking because she startled.

"She's not real. None of it was real. It was just a nightmare. I'm sorry, Felicity," he said with no small amount of bitterness in his voice.

Felicity let her arms drop from where she attempted to catch his hands. And she sat back on her calves. "You said that a lot actually. That you were sorry. Sorry, Felicity," she mimicked badly, then she huffed softly in exasperation. "I won't normally push, but I was involved in this nightmare of yours and I want to help. Oliver, let me help you."

He scrubbed his hands over his face and his shoulders sagged in defeat. He knew that posture and her expression. She wasn't going to let this go until he caved.

"It was just a dream. It wasn't real. After the fight with Ra's, my mind created this dream world while I was under. A lot of things played out. We were together and we were going to start a family." He heard her sudden intake of breath and clamped his eyes closed tightly not wanting to see her reaction, good or bad he knew he wasn't ready to see it. "I lost you, Felicity. In my dream, I lost you. And right before I woke up, out of my mind about you, I gave our daughter to some stranger. I gave her away." He dared to look at her then, unable to take the silence and the distance from her. The shock and disbelief he saw on her face gutted him. He averted his eyes and steeled his heart against her disappointment in him.

Her gentle touch surprised him and his eyes flew to her face. She gave him a watery smile.

"What did we name her?"

Oliver swallowed thickly, for a moment he was so thrown by her easy acceptance and by the glow in her smile that he couldn't find any words or get his brain to function coherently.

"Her name was Artemis. Artemis Lian Queen."

Felicity's smile widened and she scooted over to snuggle into his side. "Well it's certainly unique. Although I can't say my Mom would approve, being the name of a pagan Greek goddess. Your subconscious has a strange impression of me."

Oliver grunted self consciously. "I plead impaired sanity, I was dying."

Felicity poked him in the shoulder. "Never make light of that," she warned threateningly, narrowing her eyes at him.

Oliver wisely chose silence and dropped a kiss on the top of her head.

"Oliver," she said softly.

He hummed against her hair, nodding slightly to let her know he was listening.

"I'm glad you dream about us having a family someday. It's a dream of mine too."

Felicity felt his lips form a grin against her neck and she squeezed his arm that was wrapped around her middle. They snuggled down under the covers side by side and this time Felicity hoped that without the weight of his secret troubling dreams to plague him, their sleep would be nightmare free.


	14. Burn

When she'd woken up this morning, itchy and feeling sunburnt all over, she wanted to silence her phone alarm and bury her head under her pillow to block out the bustling noise of the neighbourhood that hadn't decided to take the day off.

She should have known then that something wasn't right. Instead she begrudgingly started her day, throwing off the covers in a fit of bad temper and with the biggest pout she could muster walked to the kitchen to turn on the coffee machine and then into the lounge to begin her morning workout.

It wasn't until she was brushing her teeth in front of the sink, preparing to tie her hair back for her shower that she saw her reflection and promptly screamed.

Dressing in a hat that partially obscured her face, the biggest pair of sunglasses she had and a scarf to cover the rest from her neck to her chin, she took herself to the doctor's office before work.

Hives. She had hives. They had deduced that it was probably the antibiotics since all traces of the compound she'd reacted to from the sedatives used in the kidnapping were gone from her system. And the only new product introduced recently were the antibiotics the doctor had prescribed to prevent infection. Her cheeks were puffed up, and she looked like she'd been stung by wasps in a frenzy. Her face was swollen, hot and red and unfortunately the raised red bumps weren't isolated there. They were everywhere. The urge to itch was almost unbearable but if she succumbed, the itching only got worse. So she was doing her best to ignore it. The pants she'd worn to cover her legs were rubbing and the friction was driving her spare.

She'd already taken too many sick days and technically she wasn't sick, she was just having the worst allergic reaction she'd ever had in her life. Hives beat hay-fever, nausea and itching from peanuts and sneezing over animal hair as arguably the worst immune response, no contest. The doctor told her to stop the antibiotics and gave her a shot of steroids and a hydrocortisone cream for the itching. He also gave her a medical note for work, but she couldn't skip out again. Ray would track her down.

Feeling miserable, she had dropped into a H&M to grab a maxi dress and long cardigan, in a bid to ease the itching/scratching torture. She knew there was no chance she was going to wear her kimono to work. It was the only thing in her wardrobe that would adequately cover her up but loose enough not to be abrasive on her skin. By the time she got in, there was a stack of messages blinking on her computer and Ray was loitering in her office.

She had made it through the lobby and up in the elevator with only a glance or two but she knew that she wasn't going to get by her boss.

"Is the glare that bad this morning?" he asked in genuine concern. "I might have stayed in, or rather I didn't leave last night. Nice dress, by the way."

Felicity looked down at the shapeless wonder she was wearing. He couldn't be serious could he? She took off her hat and scarf and swapped her sunglasses for her regular prescription glasses. Unfortunately she hadn't been able to get the same frames, they were considered out of fashion now but her new ones weren't bad.

"Wow, what happened to your face?"

Again, she could only roll her eyes at his earnest expression. She couldn't get mad, oh she wanted to, he seriously had no sense of boundaries or social niceties. "I'm allergic to penicillin, which I was on thanks to those crazy ninjas, who gave me a different kind of allergic reaction. And I don't feel like I can call in sick, since I haven't been in much the past two weeks already..."

Ray put his tablet down and met her eyes with an unflinching intensity. "Felicity, you're probably the most brilliant and dedicated employee I have working here. You and I both know that you don't need to be here every day to do your work. You could be just as efficient working from home. I mean it's convenient for me, having your office down the hall, but you don't have to be here. At least not today."

As vulnerable as she was feeling already, Felicity was very close to tears at his understanding and his vote of confidence in her. "I would hate to disappoint you."

Picking up his tablet, his lips turned up slightly as he regarded her. "Trust me, if I was disappointed, I'd let you know. There are a few system reports I wanted your expert opinion on, but I can courier them to you later. Go home, maybe throw a bag of peas on that," he said gesturing to her face.

Felicity's mouth dropped open and she glared daggers at him, and he made a hasty retreat.

Bag of peas. She'd love to bury him in a freezer of peas for all his gift with tact. For a man with adequate perceptive skills, he almost had no clue how to deal with the fairer sex. It was a wonder he'd had a fiancé. Then again he wasn't all thumbs, metaphorically speaking. He did have his looks and his smarts and his money working for him along with an odd sort of charm. He'd certainly made her mother swoon.

Grateful to escape the world and in the quiet and privacy of her own home, Felicity spent half the day soaking in Epsom salts. As a result her skin was definitely less angry looking and a lot less itchy.

It was dark before she even considered glancing at her phone. She had looked over the files Ray had sent and replied with her annotations. She had also made adjustments to the coding of his OS for A.T.O.M that was well into its beta stage of testing. She answered all the emails from contractors, colleagues in the department and did some liaising with her contemporaries at two subsidiary divisions of Queen Consolidated that had been absorbed by Palmer Tech but still weren't running at optimum since staggering along following the wake of Merlyn's Undertaking.

She didn't realise how quickly the day had gone until she noticed three missed calls from Oliver. She startled in mortification and shock when she realized she'd pretty much stood him up. He couldn't really go anywhere and Thea had helped arrange it so no one would drop by tonight, so they could have a proper date, alone.

The swelling wasn't gone but it wasn't as horrifying as it was when she first woke up. Mustering her courage, she got herself ready and as date worthy as she could manage before tearing over to the safe house as fast as legally possible.

Still wearing her sunglasses and her scarf, she let herself in and found him standing in the kitchen, in front of the stove. She glanced over the small apartment and realized he'd prepared a whole date setting. There was red wine chilling in a bucket and two place settings with red roses and candles decorating the dinner table.

"I'm so sorry I'm late."

Oliver wiped his hands on the towel over his shoulder and made his way over. The gait in his stride was barely noticeable but she worried about him anyway. She held her hands open, her knees relaxed, ready to cross the room in a heartbeat if he needed her support.

He took her face in his hands and pulled down her glasses. His concern was all over his face. "Are you okay?"

"Allergies, it'll clear up,"

she said with a shrug. "Penicillin, Assassin's drugs, animal hair, pollen, peanuts, freaked out by needles, terrified of heights. I should come with a wrist band that say basically allergic to life."

He took her hand and led her over to the table, holding her chair out for her and then heading back to the stove to dish their bowls. He sat them down on the table and put the plate of corn bread down next to the salad already on the table.

"Cooking on the island consisted of raw or chargrilled, but before that Raisa taught me how to cook my favorite dish and it's pretty much the only thing I've mastered in the kitchen besides fried eggs."

It smelled delicious and spicy. She liked it hot. Her cheeks burned and she glanced at him, seeing obvious pride at her hungry appreciative look. Too bad he had sort of misinterpreted her hunger. "Smells great. I didn't expect you to cook."

Oliver grinned and shifted forward in his seat so he could serve her some

salad. "Thea's idea actually. And it was a good way to pass the time."

Felicity said a blessing and they both dug in. She couldn't help the moan that escaped as she ate. "Do I get to ask what you put in this or is it a trade secret."

Oliver grinned. "Keep making sounds like that and I'll tell you anything you want."

Felicity almost choked on her spoonful of chilli and she kicked his foot under the table at the cheeky glint in his eyes and the smile forming on his lips.

They ate in companionable silence and moved to the couch. Oliver didn't eat much, the spice was probably too strong for his stomach yet and he'd eaten a piece of corn bread and a little salad while she had heartily enjoyed the fruits of his labor. They settled into the couch and watched the city lights while Felicity sipped her wine.

"You didn't know you were allergic to the meds when they prescribed them? Penicillin's fairly common."

Felicity shook her head. "I didn't get sick enough to warrant many trips to the doctor when I was growing up. And Mom never mentioned having allergies. I guess I must have gotten them from Dad. Mom says I inherited his brains so I guess there had to be a negative too, everything's gotta have its balance..."

Oliver brushed her hair back so that he could see just how far the hives went. She had left her hair out purposefully to cover as much of her face and neck as possible. She shied away from his touch. But he pulled her in closer till she was straddling his lap. He took the glass from her hand and set it on the coffee table behind him.

The benefit of being in a safe house. No one knew where to find you.

Diggle knew how to reach them, Roy was on city watch and Thea had not so subtly hinted that wouldn't be disturbed.

_"You two deserve a date night and since Oliver can't go anywhere without someone posting it on Instagram, that leaves you dining in."_

Felicity was now debating the merits of that recommendation. On the one hand, their location gave the handsome still slightly scruff faced man that was kissing and suckling along her neck making her tingle and squirm from her head to her toes, free rein to devour her as much as he wanted. While on the other hand, she worried they were moving too fast and there was little chance of anyone interrupting to save them from themselves:

His attentions made her forget her hang ups over what she had looked like in the mirror, she could barely process anything beyond which sensation was clamouring for dominance in her thoughts. In a word, she was drowning, swept up in the torrent of sensory overload he was creating. She couldn't keep her eyes open long enough to even watch him work. She was in bliss as Fantasy Number 12 of couch frisky Oliver was coming to life and her body was thrumming like a bow string in anticipation of how that fantasy climaxed.

Climax.

She thought about climaxes starring Oliver too many times to be healthy but that had been in he privacy of her own head and this was real. Her bra suddenly felt tight and the lacy material rubbed against her sensitive peaks making her eyes roll back yet again. Her lower back muscles tensed, her stomach clenched, her legs stiffened and she bit back a cry. There was a coil inside her that suddenly broke in a wave of burning that rushed over every nerve ending in her body. It was too much, she was throbbing and aching, her blood singing in her veins. She trembled against him and clung to his biceps, not daring to open her eyes.

Oliver stopped kissing her throat, he could see a reddish mark forming on her pale creamy skin that wasn't part of the patchwork of hives and grinned at the knowledge that he'd marked her. He lifted his head and noticed that her eyelids were squeezed shut and she was shifting restlessly. He touched his nose to hers and nuzzled her affectionately .

Felicity could feel his smirk without seeing him.

"Did you just..."

She bit the inside of her cheek, willing her treacherously weak willed body to calm down. She let out her breath in a slow exhale, collecting her scattered thoughts. He had a right to be smug but she wished she wasn't so unrestrained. It was embarrassing that he could reduce her to this and barely touch her. His hands hadn't even moved from just above her hips.

Tentatively peeking at him through her lashes and just to be sure in a bid to feed her self confidence, she slid closer and pressed against him. Her eyes flew wide as she felt him hard as a granite and straining against the seam of his pants. She smiled.

"Nice to know I can have that effect on you," she said with a purr.

Oliver groaned when she ground against him slightly. "You have no idea the power you have over me," he said huskily, his voice low and even more rough that normal because his thorax was still healing.

It made her insides twinge again and she shifted to ease the new ache. His hands tightened on her waist. He leaned his head against her chest and cradled her close. Till there was a plastic rusling noise and she noticed his cheeks redden. It was a novel experience watching Oliver Queen blush. She doubted he had ever been the type of guy to be embarrassed.

"Sorry, I forgot we'd turned you into a mobile drug store."

Oliver rubbed his neck, something he did when he was thinking or at a loss for words.

Felicity climbed off his lap and snuggled against his side making sure to put a small pillow between her and his stitches. They'd changed the dressings and it was now covered by a waterproof bandage but she was still conscious of how grave his wounds were. They were healing well but Ra's had meant for them to be mortal wounds. She shivered every time she remembered their discovery of him in the snow, his gruesome wounds and lifeless form carelessly discarded for wolves to find.

She'd washed the infected area twice with his Lian Yu herbs and it seemed like a miracle cure-all. Dr. Hamilton said the stitches could all come out by next week, but he would still be on restricted activity for three more weeks so that he didn't risk re-opening anything.

Oliver was stomaching his food better and they were slowly introducing more solids into his diet. The first two days he'd been awake it had been strictly clear fluids. First afternoon in the safe house he had tried a protein shake and thrown it all up. The following days he tried again and kept it all down. It had been chicken soup yesterday. The look on his face had been worth the Sunday morning she'd spent over the stove. She'd made sure to put the rest in single serves in the refrigerator. It'd cover at least four more meals. He had worked up to one meal and two shakes a day. His stomach still couldn't handle much and he was full after a few mouthfuls.

Diggle had to keep reminding him not to focus on the mass he was losing, his recovery was more important. Once he was healed, he could worry about finding his peak again and whipping himself into fighting condition.

Felicity ate healthy but she didn't really pay any attention to carbs or protein intake. Only that Diggle told her to eat protein after every training session. She just took his word for it. The one time she forgot, she was so tired that she'd fallen asleep straight after, her body had protested the abuse for days to follow.

She could only be sympathetic to his frustration. Oliver was a very disciplined athlete. She exercised out of necessity to be able to keep up with the Herculean men in her life. They could all out run, out fight and function on almost no sleep by comparison to her. Their bodies operated like finely oiled machines. Big Belly Burger was like their protein fix and while they loved the fries, they guys would only eat them occasionally, if she ate like they did, she would need to up her wardrobe size. They all seemed to approve of her switch to sushi for team dinners though. However she had caught Roy with the odd greasy take out bag. Oliver rarely drank (come to think of it, even when he had a drink in his hand, she couldn't recall if she'd actually seen him drink from them), Roy didn't at all, and John was only a social drinker. And they all trained relentlessly. When they weren't patrolling, they where sparring or training. All that testosterone in the air had infected her and she felt guilty if she didn't at least get a daily Tai-Bo routine in.

"Whatcha thinking about?" he asked bumping her shoulder.

Felicity looked up at him and saw the city lights reflected in his eyes. He had such pretty grey-blue eyes and full thick lashes. It wasn't fair. To get hers that lush she had to use at least two coats of ridiculously expensive mascara.

"You've got such pretty eyes."

Oliver looked like he'd swallowed a lemon and he had one eyebrow arched so high it look like he might actually strain something.

"And when you smile, it's no wonder woman seem to spontaneously combust, you have the whitest straightest teeth I've ever seen on a guy. I mean I know you've been punched in the face several times. And this was pre-island. How is that even possible?" The eyebrow was climbing, but Felicity hadn't noticed she was on a roll. "And don't get me started on the dimple. Forget the salmon ladder. I could stare at that cheek with the little indentation. It's deeper when you smile but a smirk brings it out too." She turned to him and grinned brightly, her index finger finding the spot where said dimple would appear. "And there it is, hello," she said her voice growing soft and sultry.

Oliver couldn't help the full blown smile that pulled at his lips. She was one in a billion. Her train of thought was so random that it was impossible to follow but never failed to put a smile on his face. "Please don't tell me you Googled me," he said with what he hoped was a disapproving frown. He held her hand in place and turned into her palm, pressing a kiss against her scabbed wrists with a tender caress.

Felicity shivered at the delightful sensation that his lips and the sight of his dimple gave her. "No, Thea provided me with a scrapbook of all your many headlines and magazine clippings. I knew you were a bad boy but you and Tommy were every father's nightmare. And I actually felt a little sorry for your Mom having to cope with the trail of broken hearts and police charges she had to mop up."

Oliver cringed and felt his bottom lip jut out. He refused to call it pouting, and he definitely wasn't moping. He wasn't proud of his past but he didn't regret all of it either. There had been some pretty epic moments where no one got hurt, arrested or so high they couldn't remember anything anyway. And now, those memories were all Oliver had of his best friend.

Felicity looked up at him and ran her finger along his bottom lip. "Unless you want me to torture that, pull it in, big boy."

Oliver smirked and waggled his eyebrows at her. "You sure you don't want to stroke it some more?"

Felicity started and then gaped at him before kissing him soundly. "You got down in the smutty tenches with me. My stoic, unflappable, Arrow boyfriend must have zip-lined out the window and just who am I left with, playboy Oliver? I don't think I've ever had the pleasure." She got off the couch and nestled herself between his knees. "Tell me, Mr. Queen, just what would playboy Oliver say to a girl if he found her like this?" She ran her hands up his shins and over his knees, steadily creeping higher.

Oliver gulped and tried to swallow, his mouth suddenly dry. He leaned forward as much as his abused abs would allow and caught her upper arms, pulling her up and into his lap. As close to eye level as they could get with their height difference he searched her face carefully. "Do you really want to know? Or do you want to know what I think right now?"

Felicity sucked in her bottom lip and bit down a moment, thinking, her eyes never leaving his. "Both?" she asked tentatively, all traces of teasing and playfulness gone.

Oliver kissed the corner of her mouth and ran a hand through his head. "Pre-island Oliver would have made sure you were suitably drunk then asked if your tongue is as good as your mouth is pretty." He watched her get flustered, feminist indignation warring with her curiosity. He took her hands and laced their fingers. "What I thought just now? I'd much rather you right here, where I can read your face and every emotion that you express while I explore every indescribably perfect inch of you."

Felicity felt her face heat up and she wanted to cover it up but he held her hands and wasn't about to let go. So she settled for burying her mortified giddy face in his neck and letting out a blissful happy sigh.

"So I'm your boyfriend?" Oliver asked, a teasing but pleased note to his voice.

Felicity muttered something intelligible against his shoulder. Trust him to have latched onto that verbal slip.

"I don't think we're boyfriend/girlfriend material," he said softly.

That got her to look up and glare at him. She was straddling his lap, teetering the line daily of just jumping his bones, they had slept together and did the tongue tango more times than she had digits and he was going to pull the friend card on her again. No way she was letting him off the hook without a verbal lashing and a serious fight on his hands.

He smiled and tried not to let it grow to dimple proportions, that would probably just agitate her further. She was already wearing her, I'm about to use my loud voice face.

"You're my partner, Felicity. You're my equal and my secret keeper. You're my best friend. Girlfriend just seems terribly inadequate to describe who you are to me. And since you know about the dream, it's not a secret that I want a future with you. So, no, you're not my girlfriend. You're my everything."

And damn, did he just let all the wind out of her sails. She thought she'd hit system crash when he had called her his best friend but that paled in comparison to the latest label he'd tagged her with.

_"You're my everything."_

The last person who had her heart, that had called her everything... Her eyes welled up and she burst into tears.

Oliver was at a total loss of how to handle a full body trembling, not a dry patch on her cheeks, Felicity but he did his best. Rubbing soothing circles on her back and whispering how much he loved her in her ear. He wasn't ever going to push her away again. She was stuck with him. For as long as she cared to have him. Strangely, it didn't stop the tears but it helped with the shaking. He counted that as a win.


	15. Pressure

Warnings: possible Spoilers. Features Captain Cold and Heat Wave. Based on their apparent team up at the end of Flash S01E04.

::: ::: :::

After she had broken down in his arms like a fragile marionette who'd just had her strings cut, Felicity had finally calmed enough to let him know that his words had meant the world to her and even though it had sounded like her heart was breaking, he wasn't the one responsible.

There was a reason why she didn't talk about her family, practically at all. Donna had been conned into coming to Starling and invited herself into shadowing Felicity, subsequently meeting everyone in her small circle of friends. Which Felicity could say with confidence was a little bigger than her mother actually knew, but just as impressive as two billionaires (well she wasn't sure what Oliver's net worth was now that he'd lost the company but he had his Trust fund and more assets than the IRS probably knew about, not that she had hacked his records, she just might have happened upon a few things while searching for Walter when he went missing, she was distressing), she had real friends, not hacker nerd groupies, or classmates who paid her to do their homework. They were quirky bunch, they all had their mental hang ups and skeletons in the closet but they could count on each other and it felt awesome because she had never had that before.

Coming back to her emotional breakdown_. You're my everything_. Those were the last kind words she remembered her father saying to her before the raised voices and slamming doors in the house stopped all together and her father disappeared, never to be seen or heard from again. He literally vanished. When she was talented enough, she had put together a program to scour every database she could think of to find him. Her mother said he'd left and wouldn't say anything else. She cried a lot so Felicity hadn't pushed.

Over the years her searches got broader but she had been young when he left and things that could have been helpful to her searches had vanished along with him. Her mother moved them to Vegas from Gotham City not long after her father left, and by the time Felicity was old enough to travel alone, back to visit their old address, the neighbourhood had changed and she couldn't even remember the name of the place her father had worked.

She told Oliver how heartbroken she had been. How she still struggled with her feelings about her absentee father. When she had been a young girl, she had always felt close to her father, she felt he understood her, that they were alike. She might have her mother's colouring and more of her looks but her intellect and her quirks she knew weren't from her mom. She had many fond memories of tinkering in the basement with whatever had caught her father's interest. He always had a dozen or more experiments and projects on go at any one time, none of them close to being complete. Yet he always had time for her. He called her his angel, his everything. Until he'd left.

"Felicity, have you disabled all the cameras in the area?"

John's voice cut through her morse reminiscing and she scanned her multiple screens and all the programs she was running.

"I've shut down the whole traffic camera network. I'm monitoring all the police alarms and I've notified Captain Lance. We've got thirty minutes to get this under control or they're sending in S.W.A.T. to take them out."

For the past week, Captain Cold as Cisco had dubbed him, and his new cohort Heat Wave had been terrorising the East Coast from Central City to Gotham City. Cisco was still working on a way to reactivate the micro-computer in his 'Freeze-Ray' gun so he could try to disable or at least track Snart's movements and now that they'd added a super-charged flame throwing villain into the mix, the S.T.A.R Labs team were in brainstorm meltdown trying to figure out a way to combat these weapons.

Barry had been badly burned when he'd tried to stop Heat Wave from razing Central City station. The pyromaniac had been the diversion for Captain Cold while he broke into Central's National Bank and cleaned out their gold bricks.

The criminals had made a well executed getaway from Central City and Barry was beating himself up about it pretty hard. Three guards had been killed at the bank and dozens had been hospitslized with burns and many others treated for smoke inhalation from the station incident. It had only been a small consolation to Barry that no one had died in the fire. He was angry over Snart's escape because the man had beat him again. And he was out wrecking his havoc and there was no doubt that unless he was stopped the body count was only going to rise.

So far local law enforcement hadn't been able to stop the men from making off with whatever they targeted, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake.

Roy and Diggle had stumbled onto their operation in Starling while the robbery was in progress. Unlike their previous jobs, this time they had attacked the same location.

They were holding up a very wealthy estate auction. Leonard Snart had created an ice prison to stop anyone from leaving, while his accomplice, Mick Roy a.k.a Heat Wave, had melted through the vault downstairs to collect all valuables. Including one rare fabled Atlantean firestone, believed to be able to capture the energy of the sun. No points for figuring out why the firebug wanted it. He was no doubt planning to incorporate it into his weapon to boost its capabilities.

Diggle had been playing Arrow since Oliver's incapacitation and while he wasn't the marksman Oliver was with a bow, he was no slouch in hand to hand combat and he was very effective in using his bulk and his voice for intimidation. The criminals of Starling were none the wiser. John let Roy do most of the shooting and the team was coping in their leader's absence. At least they had been until tonight.

Team Arrow were in trouble. They were hemmed in and the hostages were in danger. Felicity could hear it from the laboured breathing and the strain in their voices that had come through the lair speakers, they were doing their best to drive these two back but their attack wasn't succeeding. She was trying to come up with a strategy for them while she tried Barry yet again, when a concerning movement caught her eye.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Oliver zipped up his spare Arrow jacket and pulled his black hoodie over his head. "They need help." He slung his quiver over his back and expanded his bow with a deft flick.

Felicity typed in rapid keystrokes and hit enter. She whirled from the desk and launched out of her chair to grab his arm as he turned to leave.

"You're not ready. The J-tube scars are fresh, like two days, freshly stitched new, you're still having dinner through a straw and I can beat you up those stairs. There is no way I'm letting you out of here, Mister."

Oliver hiked an eyebrow at her, silently challenging her. He might be healing and far from his fighting best but he still had years of skill and strength on her. He could pin her down with one arm behind his back and two handicapped legs.

Normally, she would only have to ask and he would do anything for her but he was going stir crazy cooped up and he felt ready. There was nothing wrong with his reflexes and their perps weren't expecting two Arrows. He could find a vantage point and put them down before any more people were hurt.

Felicity seemed to sag in relief and she was staring at a space behind him. He turned and frowned when he saw Thea in leather pants, a sparkling halter neck and ballet flats standing at the foot of the stairs. She had her arms folded under her chest and she was frowning at him. He hadn't even heard her come down. Either his ears needed checking or she had picked up some serious ninja stealth skills.

"I can see why the S.O.S. So you think you're ready? You're going against doctor's orders and every shred of common sense. Fine, try it," she said her voice taking on a hard edge with a unspoken warning.

Oliver collapsed his bow and put it down on the table. There was a spare in the van, he'd take that one if he had to.

"I'm not going to fight you, Speedy." He knew she had good form, she had attacked him once before but her kicks where like softball hits thrown by little-leaguers.

"Well that's comforting. Means you'll be staying down here, where you're supposed to be resting."

Oliver sighed. "Have it your way then." He didn't give her warning, he lunged and to his surprise, she moved. Sidestepping clear from his path.

He thought he was home free with one foot on the stairs when a remarkably strong grip closed on his hoodie and yanked him back. A foot kicked the back of his knee and he went down. He caught her wrist and twisted. She went with the motion and spun, both of them still not willing to release.

A flurry of kicks came at him and he had to keep twisting to avoid getting hit where his stitches were.

A sharp sting caught him in the shoulder and he glanced accusingly with hurt and surprise at Felicity whom was holding one of his tranq. arrows.

Thea caught him easily as his eyes rolled back and he dropped like a rock. "Yeesh, he's heavier than he looks. Does he eat lead?"

Felicity's lips twisted at the morbid thought those words prompted and Thea startled when she realized how her words could be a double entendre.

"Not what I meant but not an appropriate joke. I had it under control by the way," she said revealing the tranq. dart she had hidden in her hand.

"And were you going to use it before or after he tore something and started spitting blood?" Felicity asked peevishly as she leaned down to help support Oliver under his other arm as they both carried him to the bed.

Thea shifted his feet to the mattress and stepped back, folding in on herself, her arms hugging tightly around her midsection. Her face clouded over and her lips thinned. "I didn't... I wasn't going to hurt him. We needed to stop him." Her eyes widened as her attack took on a new light in her mind's eye. "Felicity, I was trained to put someone down fast and hard, I'm sorry," she said her voice betraying her distress. Her eyes were trained on Oliver's unconscious form but she was rapidly backing away from the area that had been modelled into a bedroom slash living space, her hands clenching in nervous tension at her sides.

Felicity caught one of Thea's hands and winced briefly at the strength of her fingers. Thea relaxed but Felicity could still feel how much raw energy the younger woman was thrumming with.

"He taught you how to defend yourself. How to feel powerful and overcome fear and pain but Thea, he didn't teach you compassion or love. You already had that. It's a part of you. And he couldn't take that away or drum it out. Just let yourself remember. I'm sorry, I snapped at you. Between work and Oliver pushing himself, I've been spreading myself a little thin."

At Thea's incredulous look, Felicity sighed and squeezed her hand once in reassurance before letting her go.

"Okay, maybe I've been surviving on coffee and Red Bull but someone's gotta keep the ship from sinking. Speaking of which, our boys are getting blasted out there. We need a strategy."

Thea nodded in agreement. "I caught the news in my office. They need another archer. Ollie wasn't wrong."

Felicity looked at Oliver and back at Thea feeling conflicted. They hadn't officially discussed Thea's involvement or inclusion into the team yet. She was welcomed because she promised to keep their secrets and she was family but Oliver didn't want her on the streets and initially, Thea had seemed accepting of that. She had pointed out that she had a club to run anyway. Someone needed to keep things legitimate and in the black, so they could keep the lights on.

"Thea, I can't make that call but I certainly can't stop you either,"

Felicity said with a glance at Oliver again.

Suddenly sounds of Lady Gaga blasted over the sounds of crackling and muffled hysteria, and Felicity flushed three shades of red and dashed for her desk to pick up and shut off her ringtone.

"Hi, what do you need?"

She could feel Thea's curious eyes and half smirk trained on her back. Felicity had been peeved at him since he'd taken it upon himself to try and diagnose her fake PMS symptoms. She had forgotten about the ringtone since most of the time she had her phone on silent.

Felicity frowned when familiar crackling and static noises filtered through the background of Ray's call.

"Where are you?" she asked in concern.

"I might have taken the suit out for a field test," he said grunting. "Currently shielding our resident hero vigilante and his sidekick from being barbecued." There was a loud cracking noise. "Get everyone out!" Ray shouted.

Felicity felt her heart cease in her chest. She knew he wasn't yelling at her and she could see from the aerial footage from news helicopter that the building was billowing black smoke, there was a shudder and her hands flew to her mouth. The building was half a second away from caving in.

People began pouring out, she could just make out Roy's red uniform ushering people to safety.

A side of the building blew apart in a blue and white cloud of debris and a moment later the whole building collapsed.

"Talk to me," Felicity yelled into the phone. Forgetting that she was still on comms. as well.

Pained groaning came through her ear piece and she touched it to mute her communication.

"Not so loud," John grunted with a tinge of humour.

"She's using her loud voice. Why are we in trouble? We should sic her on the polar duo. She'd send them crying home to mommy, tail between their legs ."

"Very funny," Felicity huffed out before realizing she'd turned off her microphone.

"It's holding up. Not dead," Ray informed her, sounding morbidly triumphant. There were sounds of grinding and crunching. He must have been crawling out of rubble. An explosion knocked out their connection and suddenly all she had was dead air. She clicked on her mic again, on the verge of panic.

"Ranger, Arsenal!"

It was only nightly bedtime drilling that kept her from yelling out their names. She had made their code names instinctual. She had to ever since she agreed to help Ray. Occasionally, she had answered calls in the lair. Only out of earshot of the team, or while she was alone, but she either used no names or code names, to protect everyone involved.

You could never 100% guarantee there wasn't someone else listening in. She refused to acknowledge that the juggling act was wearing out her sanity.

She had nothing. No eyes, no ears... She couldn't undo her intrusion on the traffic cams without jeopardising the teams cover, but the smoke and ash from the building was blocking a clear view of the building from above. At least the containment lines Lance's men had set up were holding and she could see police continuing to shepherd people to safety.

A green hood emerged and took aim at one of the perps who had crawled out if the giant hole they'd created which had caused the building to finally give way. The criminal duo were both dressed in respective weather protective clothing and though they were covered in grey ash, they seemed remarkably uninjured.

The fight spilled out into the middle of the street. Both Roy and Digg let loose on them. Cold managed to cut down most of their arrows but one Roy's hit it's mark.

The gun started to glow and shake. It randomly started spraying ice blasts and Cold was trying to disengage it. It had frozen part of his leg.

Heat Wave turned his weapon on his cohort. Probably in some mad attempt to help him.

Ray was moving and Felicity knew what his intention was even before he started calling her again.

She answered as soon as she saw his name flash.

"Communications got rattled loose for a bit here. The energy unit is damaged, it's going to explode. I'm going to use the suit to try and create a containment field. It's has the shielding technology and I know it works."

Felicity shook her head vigorously even though she knew he couldn't see her. "You don't know what the possible energy output will be. The design was for safe IED detection and disposal. I never saw the reports for a working prototype and if this is your first field tests...You can't."

Ray laughed humourlessly. "We don't have a choice. The alternative is unacceptable to me. The police containment lines aren't far enough. The energy readings this thing is putting out... I have to try. Just so you know, I did leave contingencies."

"Rip that thing off his arm, and launch it at the bay," she snapped.

"And risk it causing a tsunami or worse have a irreparable effect on the ecosystem. No. I've run the numbers. The suit will contain it."

Felicity clutched blindly for her chair. "And you?"

She watched in wide eyed horror as the the force field Ray used on the freeze gun started to glow in a color that signified it was about to collapse.

It didn't help that Heat Wave was still aiming his flame thrower at their heroes and anyone else who dared to move in their direction.

"Don't, please don't do this," she whispered breathlessly.

She didn't love him, more often than not she found him frustrating but she did consider him a friend and a good man. He wasn't going to die today. Not after all his work for the city, not after what he'd suffered already.

"Felicity, I..."

Dead air signified that the signal had failed and she felt a hand squeeze her shoulder. She knew Thea had probably heard everything but she couldn't move. She sat frozen watching her screens.

On the news telecast the A.T.O.M exosuit projected an iridescent white-blue dome which seemed to be in an unstable state of flux. She watched in horror as the energy field collapsed into the suit and the luminous energy it was emitting grew until it was blinding. There was a huge pulse that originated from Ray's suit and everything went black.

The lights in the lair flickered and her screens blacked out while the backup generators kicked in.

She got nothing over comms. "Thea, we need someone out there."

Thea grabbed another communication piece from the shelf and switched it on. "Reading me?"

Felicity nodded and followed the younger woman's trek out with bated breath. She wanted to check on Ray, John and Roy, but she couldn't leave the lair with Oliver unconscious. With grim determination, she picked up the counter agent and administered it. Felicity took out her comm and left it on the table by the bed. She waited for him to stir before she grabbed her bag and ran for the stairs, as fast as her heels would allow.


	16. Sense

Before pulling out of the warehouse, that doubled as their hidden parking garage, Felicity started to upload code that would allow her to modify and recalibrate the Unidac radiation sensor to be able to detect the unique radioactive signature of Dwarf Star matter. They couldn't risk anyone collecting material from Ray's suit and following the trail back to Palmer Technologies.

Once her tablet was running the program, she shifted the car into gear. A loud thump sounded on the hood of her Mini and she screamed out loud. Both her hands automatically coming down hard on the horn, while her foot planted on the brake.

"Felicity," Oliver yelled through the window.

She hastily lowered the window and peeked up at him meekly. "You're up and you're still wearing the hoodie," she pointed out.

"You're not going out there without me. I saw the news. There's a citywide blackout. The pulse took out a distribution grid and the feedback has caused problems at the nuclear power plant. Everything inside the blast radius has been fried but they were able to apprehend Cold and Heat Wave when they were knocked out by the pulse."

Oliver felt his cell buzz in his jeans and took it out to read the message. "Roy says they're clear and they're going to the Clock Tower base until the media coverage dies down."

It was still just a shell. After rebuilding what Lyla had blown away with her rocket launcher, they hadn't gotten around to doing much else.

Felicity unlocked the door so he could climb in and waited for him to buckle up.

"There's something I have to do and I can't tell you why. If you can't handle that, I have to go alone."

Oliver gave her his patented stoic Arrow glare. "Felicity," he said in warning.

She gripped the wheel tightly and it squeaked in protest. She saw him look down at her tablet and then at the device he had picked up so he could sit down. He raised his eyebrow in an unspoken query.

"Non-disclosure. Please, just trust me," she pleaded for his support and understanding.

Oliver put his hand over hers where she had grabbed the gear shift to put the car in reverse. "I do trust you. I just want to keep you safe."

"I know and I love you for it. But there's being protective and there's stifling. Don't confuse the two." Felicity sighed, and checked her mirrors before exiting the Foundry. When she had left the private access road, she turned on her lights and joined the night traffic.

As they drew closer to ground zero, Felicity could see the results of the pulse. There wasn't a single light on. Intersections were like navigating an obstacle course and streets looked so dark and barren it was eerie. Some scattered vehicles had been abandoned in the middle of the street. She shivered as the image brought back memories of the night Slade and his army had waged their war on the city. All that was missing was the random fires and people running and screaming.

Out of the corner of her eye, Felicity noticed a gang of youths with bats and crow bars heading in the direction of a large convenience store. She hoped that Oliver hadn't spotted them. She chanced a glance in his direction and could see his grip on her door handle was threatening to break the plastic. His jaw worked in anger and she knew he was seriously contemplating confronting them.

She deliberately planted her foot on the gas and they sped away. She could feel his eyes on her but she kept hers firmly trained on the road and the interactions she was crossing.

"Upload complete," he said quietly, his voice tense with repressed anger. "Do I disconnect this?"

Felicity nodded and she waited for Oliver to reboot the device. Once it was on, it immediately started humming.

"It works a little like an EMF and a GSP. Saturation will result in a higher reading and it will also show us hot zones we might be nearing."

She hoped the readings would distract him from thoughts of trouble that could be brewing from criminal opportunists who would make the most of the blackout. She had to believe that the police and the rest of the Arrow team could handle it. She wouldn't risk him, he wasn't ready. His arm was still in a cast and he still needed time for his muscles and organs to heal properly. He had made a crude grip with his thumb and index finger, but the cast wasn't designed to support pressure from a bow and he wasn't supposed to be using that arm at all. Still he had insisted on keeping up practice. His aim hadn't suffered in the slightest but she was a breath away from dragging him by the ear to Dr. Hamilton to get the cast redone and starting the six weeks over. Just to make a point.

Oliver nodded absently at her words and gestured to take a left. "Did Snart set off a nuclear device?"

Felicity shook her head. "Not that I'm aware of. But before we lost communication, there was someone else out there. Someone on our side. I need to find out how this effects the team. We need to study the..." She stopped when his hand found her knee and squeezed lightly.

"You've never lied to me before. Don't start. This is something you need to do, I'll watch out for you and let you do your thing. Please don't lie to me, okay?"

The hurt in his eyes spoke volumes to her. He was disappointed. Felicity tore her eyes away briefly watching the road ahead and then looked back at him once she'd blinked away the reactive tears. She swallowed hard. "And if there are things I can't tell you?"

Oliver let out a breath slowly and ran a hand over the back of his neck, squeezing out the tension he found there. "I'll try not to push," he said tiredly.

Felicity let out an incredulous hollow laugh. "I can promise you that I'm not involved in anything that's any more illegal than what I do with you."

"I certainly hope not," he said before a shadow passed over his face. "And I better be the only one you let into your back seat."

Felicity shivered and tightened her grip on the wheel at the dark look of desire in his eyes at odds with the memories of the night of her discovery of his leather-wearing alter-ego. "Ah you invited yourself into my back seat."

"Do you have a weakness for bleeding hearts, baby?"

Almost swallowing her own tongue, Felicity slammed on the brake to pull over and planted one on his slightly parted lips. She had surprised him with her missile kiss but he quickly rose to the occasion. For a second she debated crawling over the gear shift and assaulting him on the side of the road. With the police busy keeping order and such, it was very unlikely they'd get cited for indecent exposure.

But as usual her sense of duty kicked in by way of her ever nagging conscience and reluctantly, she had to break away. They were both a little breathless and her lips felt suitably pouty and raw. She felt triumphant and did a little inner fist pump at the dazed, blissful expression on his face. All prior traces of anger and frustration gone. Nice. She had to keep that move in her arsenal to revisit at a later date when required. Who was she kidding, she wasn't waiting for a when required scenario. As soon as she could relieve her worry over the team and Tin Man - she had to figure out a better name, she wasn't calling him, A.T.O.M, he wasn't small and she wasn't explaining the mouthful behind the acronym to anyone. Not that they would ask, and why would they ask her? She was his invisible help and she was happy that way. No perceived conflicts of interest, all parties contented and oblivious.

Oliver squeezed her hand and brought it to his lips, bringing her runaway thoughts back to the present.

"You're then only hero I want," she said firmly, giving him a shy smile. Kissing him once more for emphasis. "It just seems I have a habit of attracting them," she muttered softly under her breath as she pulled back into the road.

Oliver caught what she said, even though she probably hadn't intended for him to hear it. His hearing was fine tuned and he would always hear her voice. He was always careful to pick up on her tone. Felicity never said anything he found unimportant. Even her inner monologue which often spilt out unchecked was something to behold. It never failed to make his heart skip a beat and his lips twitch.

He wondered which men she included in her heroes tag? And was it plutonic attraction or something else. He knew in Barry's case there was a mutual spark but for whatever reason they had decided not to pursue a relationship and for that he was grateful. As much as he liked the guy, he wouldn't know what he would do if Felicity and Barry had decided to become an item.

::: ::: :::

Oliver was glad he'd opted to hover on the outskirts and watch for trouble while Felicity approached Lance. The area was still crawling with EMTs, fire crew and officers interviewing witnesses and keeping onlookers behind the police line. And there were also half a dozen Foresnics working the scene. Oliver Queen hadn't made an official return yet, they'd gone with the story that he was holidaying at a small family villa in Tuscany to cover his extended absence. Thea had arranged it to leak through an acquaintance.

"Ms Smoak, I'm a little surprised to see you here. Our mutual friend has been and gone."

Felicity waved the device at him. "Actually I have a source that says there could be a potential radiation spill. I can do a quick scan. Make sure it's all clear? The cold gun was actually stolen from S.T.A.R Labs and I have all the specs."

"Sure, no problem. If any of them give you grief, point them to me."

Oliver heard everything from where he stood and he was impressed with her cover story, it made him wonder if she was here in behalf of Cisco or Barry.

He watched her work systematically in an ever widening circle until she stopped not far from where he was hidden in the shadows outside the police line, still about twenty metres away from the scorch marks and stress indentation in the road. His brows drew together in puzzlement when he saw her get down on her knees and pull out a plastic Petri dish from her pocket.

Felicity set it on the ground and took out the sensor again. He watched her eyes widen and her hand moved from one spot on the road in the direction of the plastic container. She glanced around with a wide-eyed expression and when she didn't see anyone watching, aside from him, she sealed the dish and shoved it in her coat. With weak knees, she got to her feet and walked hurriedly in Lance's direction.

"You're all clear. Whatever our Iron Man used on it, his containment field must have worked. No traces of cold core radiation."

"Glad to hear it. Tell our

friend that I appreciate his help and let him know despite how things went down that there would have been a lot more casualties if we didn't stop these guys."

Felicity nodded and headed for her car, knowing Oliver would follow her there.

While she sat alone in the car she tried to calm her breathing. She had pinpointed the exact location of the source of Dwarf Star radiation but it's physical mass was non existent. It registered high enough on her sensor to be a small truck-size load. She couldn't explain the how or the why but the numbers didn't lie and she knew her calibration was flawless. She wouldn't know more until she could get the sample under a microscope. Then she could figure out what she was dealing with. One thought almost too much for her to fathom right now was that it moved. It had moved from the road to the Petri dish. In the time she had located it and gotten on her knees it had tried to move in her direction. Felicity was stuck in buffer mode trying to comprehend what that meant. Was that matter Ray or was the unique mineral not found anywhere else on Earth but the mine Ray had acquired, some alien compound that they didn't fully understand and it was now alive?

"Are you all right?"

Oliver sat across from her and he had his hands wrapped around hers, trying to rub warmth back into them. She hadn't noticed him. She hadn't even felt his touch she had been so far in her own head.

Felicity shook her head and blinked to gather her focus. "I need to figure something out and it's too much for me to handle on my own," she took a deep breath. "Can I trust you with someone else's secret?"

Her eyes were desperate, damp and pleading. He would do anything for her, she had to know that. "Felicity, I love you. I would never betray you. Especially if it is was a secret someone else is trusting you with. Even if there's a good chance I won't like it," he teased with a gentle smile, in an attempt to get her to relax.

The tension bled out of her at his words. "We've got to take a look at something and then you can ask your questions."

::: ::: :::

Oliver pulled away from the microscope his jaw ticking in a manner that spoke of how concerned and off balance he felt.

When Barry had showed him his powers, Oliver had been floored and speechless for the space of a few beats. He had known Barry before the lightening, before the superpowers, he'd known him to be a man of integrity, with strong morals and a good heart. This being, whatever it was... It was an unknown. Oliver hated unknowns. You couldn't properly predict or defend against an unknown.

"It's a miniature... Is it alien?" He scrubbed a hand over his face and glanced at her desperately as though hoping she would disprove his conclusion as ridiculous.

Felicity chewed her lip before she typed out something on her phone and propped it up next to the microscope. Then she fixed her eyes back on the viewer and waited.

She stood back suddenly and brought both her hands to her chest. She glanced at him with wide eyes and shook her head vigorously. "Not an alien," her voice coming out in a breathy whisper.

"Then what?"

"That's... That's... That tiny, squish-able, microscopic, radiating..."

"Felicity," he said impatiently but not unkindly interrupting her panic. He have her a gentle nod to gather herself and get to the point.

"It's Ray Palmer."

It was Oliver's turn to stare at the microscope with a incredulous expression on his face. He took another look in the scope and found a tiny face smirking at him and then offer a casual wave.

"He can't stay here," Felicity said quickly.

"I'm assuming that this wasn't what he planned to happen?"

Felicity shook her head. "The armour is made from a new mineral. Ray mined it because of its unique ability to conduct electricity and withstand an enormous amount of heat without changing integrity. It could also be machined to a single micron." At his raised eyebrow she elaborated. "Human hair is about 90 micron. He created a specialised defensive system. One of a kind. He was going to use it to protect Starling City. The way he couldn't when Slade tried to destroy it."

"He was out there with Digg and Roy?" he asked glancing back at the table behind him.

Felicity nodded. "When the cold gun got damaged he used a force field to contain the pending explosion of its power core. Something went wrong and the field collapsed in on the suit. The pulse happened and the rest you know."

Oliver folded his arms and tried not to glare at the miniature billionaire who probably couldn't see him, but was more than likely still smirking, he'd taken over his family's company, he'd tried to steal his girl and now he was worrying her by playing hero. He couldn't stand the guy and he wasn't even big enough to glare at.

He wondered fleetingly what would happen if he was to accidentally bump the equipment off the table. He glanced at Felicity.

She had folded her arms and was looking at him like she could guess at exactly what he was thinking.

"We're not bringing him back to the lair." He refused to allow the base to be compromised further. Too many people knew its location already.

Felicity took a bottle of purified H2O and a dropper from a nearby cabinet. "I had somewhere less crowded in mind," she said as she busily searched for something. She returned with a padded square bag and put the microscope, dish and all inside.

On the way out of the lab, she waved to the night guard.

"Goodnight, Ms Smoak," he said in a friendly manner.

"Goodnight, Henry."

"Just how often do you come here?" Oliver asked curiously. This place was responsible for the creation of the Earthquake device after all. He was sure that the Board would have wanted to wash their hands of it after the Undertaking. After the independent inquest into the incident revealed the negligence and lack of adequate safety and public liability measures had resulted in not only the device being manufactured without rigorous protocols but stolen, shutting down the company would have been the easiest way to change public opinion of Queen Consolidated in his mind.

"After Ray put me in charge of Applied Sciences, I worked with the Directors at Unidac to revive the company profile. We reviewed all their projects, active and concept/prototype and actually pitched a few that took with the DoD."

Oliver was impressed. "I know that the government took the original device."

Felicity nodded. "After I was able to rework some of the programming and apply it to a proactive, preventative device, environmentalist groups loved it and a couple volcanic and thermal monitoring groups have already out three into their budget requests. Preventing uncontrolled eruptions and earthquakes has been great in attracting new buyers and boosting confidence of our shareholders."

Oliver could only speculate the science behind what she was talking about but he was proud of her achievements. But also disappointed he hadn't seen her potential himself. That he hadn't given her that freedom to grow and succeed. Granted he had been more concerned in catching Slade, worrying for his mother and trying to save the company from Rochev but he still felt as though he owed Felicity more than he could ever repay. She had suffered a lot for her association to him. At first he couldn't say he was happy that she had accepted Palmer's job offer, but now he could see that it was everything she deserved and he should have been able to give her but hadn't.


	17. Drift

Oliver tried to be supportive but catching her slumped over her desk in the lair with her forehead on the edge of the keyboard, typing a never ending stream of gibberish was the last straw. She wouldn't like it but this time he'd talk her around to seeing things from his perspective. Something had to give.

He picked her up out of the chair and she only uttered token protest at being jostled before she hummed happily against his chest. He almost faltered a step when her fingers slipped through the space between his buttons.

They were nearing second base but not quite there. He didn't want to push her or rush things. Their relationship was new territory for him. He had never gone slow in his life. Even with Laurel, they had been making out sans half their clothing on the first date. And technically it hadn't even been a date. They were seniors and he'd driven her straight to Whistlers Point, a popular make out spot, the moment she'd agreed to give him a chance. He might have bought her a burrito before driving her home that night, or it might have been a burger, he couldn't remember. He'd already had couple drinks before asking her out. There had rarely been a time where he was sober after his first drink at thirteen. He got really good at sneaking around his parents. Raisa on the other hand had been a little trickier.

He had been such a wild child. It was a wonder he'd graduated high school. It was only thanks to Tommy's influence and his tutors that he'd actually gotten his dipoma. Malcolm was a hard-ass, even then and Oliver's friendship had been his best friend's only support and escape. His parents had welcomed him and pretty much adopted Tommy. Now that Oliver knew just how close their private and business ties were he wondered if his mom especially had understood Tommy's need for a loving family environment.

His chest felt tight and he had to close his eyes against the hurt that washed through him. It hadn't faded, the pain and guilt he felt over Tommy's death. Pain from not being able to save him, guilt for going after Laurel when he knew Tommy was in love with her. Wishing every day that he still had his best friend and realizing that he never would hear his laugh or feel his unconditional support again. Tommy had searched for him, had never really give up hope that he was alive and someday he would find a way home. It was moments like this that made him sympathetic to Slade's anger. Loved ones stolen away, nothing could heal the hurt or make you forget. You could only hope that time would dull the ache.

He ran the silky strands of her golden hair over his rough fingertips and focused on the one person who could never fail to make him feel better. Felicity was special. He knew she wasn't the type of girl you fooled around with. She was the one guy, steady boyfriend type that you brought home to meet your mother. She'd already admitted that she had loved and mourned her college boyfriend. What a dick he'd turned out to be. He certainly didn't deserve someone as loyal and brilliant as Felicity and Oliver had thought that even before the schmuck had kidnapped her and put a gun to her head.

Oliver didn't know what to think about Ray. He didn't like the man for so many reasons but all of them seemed petty. Right now his biggest peeve was the fact that he'd appointed Felicity acting CEO in the event of a crisis where he was unreachable or under-duress.

She had been surprised when Ray's EA and a man from legal had shown up in her office the following morning after Master Chief, that's what Youtube were calling him, had made his first and so far his last appearance.

Gavin, Ray's Executive Assistant, had standing orders to contact legal immediately if Ray was unreachable for more than ten hours without just cause. Apparently he had been trying to call him since last night, roughly an hour after the pulse thus activating Ray's standing order.

So now, Felicity was still head of her department, acting CEO and running tech for the Team while babysitting him in the lair. He didn't know how she did it. Well obviously burning the candle at both ends until she fell asleep like this from exhaustion.

He knew lately she had been coaching Thea on how to use her system. She had given up trying with the men in the team. They would never make data analysts or decent hackers in this lifetime. He planned to call Thea first thing tomorrow and beg Felicity to take it easy. What she talk about, but he already knew was that she was also trying to help Ray return to human size, while also stepping up as his carer.

In the last couple days he'd seen Felicity at her most harried when she'd skipped work and barely answered his calls because the miniature billionaire had gone missing from her house. Apparently he'd accidentally travelled down a phone line when he'd managed to interface with a data cable make a call to a colleague in Japan. Palmer had ended up stuck in the international exchange uptown where the calls were converted to tower radio signal transfer via satelittle rather than data cables.

Felicity had only shared that problem with him because he had shown up on her doorstep with chicken soup from Lyla to share because he was worried she might have come down with something and was curled up and miserable in bed. She had looked a fright when she'd answered the door but he hadn't commented on it. Just asked how he could help and gave her a long tight hug, enjoying that he could hug her like that without worrying about appropriateness or mixed messages.

So she'd managed to track down her missing employer and covertly collect him while duping a very skeptical manager. She came in explaining how a new portable communications array had interfaced wrong and was throwing intermittent data packets through the exchange and blocking up their lines. Apologising sincerely, she had come down personally to clear up the problem and was in and out of there in ten minutes.

That had been Tuesday, it was now Friday. With the weekend around the corner, hopefully she could catch some down time. Although considering the miniature still living on her house, he doubted that she would let herself relax.

Putting her in his bed, Oliver was sorely tempted to join her but they'd only ever slept side by side a handful of times and he'd always been the one to ask her to stay. She never invited herself and he wondered why she didn't. Was she still worried his feelings weren't genuine? Or was she worried he'd change his mind?

Oliver let out a tired groan, it really was his own fault. He had put so much effort into pushing her away she was afraid to let her heart trust him. Others had broken it before, it stood to reason that she would be extra careful. He even counted himself among those that had hurt her heart, he was sure she did too. He needed to build her confidence in him that he wouldn't hurt her again. At least not intentionally. He knew communication was the key but it was kind of hard to do when your best girl was falling asleep while attempting to work. At least she hadn't fallen asleep mid conversation. That would have been a real confidence blow. Although finding her asleep while he was training was a first. Usually she had always had one eye on him.

It a little over a month since the fight on the mountain top, but he was finally starting to get back into his normal routine. He could still feel weakness in his body but he refused to waste anymore time. Even with Laurel and Ted, helping with the Glades, the city could still use him. They hadn't been able to take anyone off the list since before he went to Ra's. They'd been busy trying to track down Meryln and keep on top of all the crime bosses trying to take advantage of the vulnerability of the Glades.

He was back to sparring with Digg and Roy daily. He had even let Thea in on their training. After she had fought him twice he was forced to admit to himself that Malcolm had trained her well. Even though he would never forgive what the man had done to her, he accepted that the training had made Thea stronger and more confident in herself. He liked the idea that she could protect herself if she needed to. He would have never been capable of training her the way Malcolm had. Some might call him archaic and attached to useless gallantry but he could never beat on a woman he cared about. It had gotten him into trouble with Helena, and he'd even hesitated to go hard in subduing Cupid. Thea was picking up where Sara had left off in teaching him that he shouldn't underestimate or hesitate when fighting a woman. Especially one he cared about. Both Thea and Felicity pointed out his biggest weakness. His heart. People knew it and they would use it. He needed to work at protecting himself. Felicity hated to bring it up, but she did and Thea agreed that if someone was ever to us them against him, mind control with drugs, suggestion or whatever, he needed to not hesitate.

Oliver was realizing just how hard Malcom had pushed her when she revealed just what her training had entailed, what she remembered anyway.

Thea didn't remember going after Sara and no one was going to bring that up. When Felicity had switched out her tea to Oliver's brew, that had been suggestion enough and they wouldn't be giving her anymore cause to suspect just how far Malcolm's manipulations went. The man had hurt Thea both physically and emotionally to teach her to overcome fear and pain and Oliver knew he would have never been able to do that. Just like he couldn't bring himself to train Felicity. He was glad John did though. He had never been more proud than to see her disarm her whack job of an ex and knock him out.

He brushed her hair back and pulled out the elastic. He watched her smile and hum happily when he ran his fingers through her locks and loosened the tension on the back of her head. He'd picked up quickly that she held a lot of knots her neck and shoulders, and she was a sucker for head massages. She loved him brushing and playing with her hair. Probably as much as he loved her fingers in his, although he'd never said the out loud yet. He still had trouble saying what he wanted, it was this ever present belief that he didn't deserve her and he could take only what she offered and not make any demands. He was also worried that he might inadvertently scare her off by pushing her too far, too fast.

Just asking her on that first date had taken a monumental amount of mental prep talking to work up the nerve to actually ask. He'd been irrationally or rationally nervous depending on who you asked and for a moment there he was worried she would turn him down. In her very level headed, gentle way of course. Citing something along the lines of confusing friendship for something more and that they sold it for Slade, but they were just a team, the very best and they shouldn't mess with that.

He always knew she was attracted to him physically. Her many comments and lingering looks were a nice boost to his ego but he also knew that Felicity was a very practical and rational person and he thought after Russia and his not so subtle let down that she had lumped him in the 'look but no touch' Friends Box.

The joy and relief he had felt when she agreed to a date were real and he could still remember vividly the high he had been on all day until it had blown up in their faces - literally. He had been careless. It could have been much worse. Felicity could have died. He could have come back the the lair and the men could have targeted Verdant and kill many more people than they had because they wanted him dead. He took it as a learning experience.

Not long after that they had implemented a new security protocol. Before he called it a night and headed home, both he and Roy would do a full bug sweep of their uniforms, their equipment and the bikes or van before coming back to the lair. Felicity had designed the sweeper with Cisco's help and between the two of them he knew they would have covered every possible tracking or listening device. Although she had been deviously clever to insure that her bugs had been on the white list of tracking frequencies.

Oliver leaned down to kiss her cheek and startled when she turned her face into his lips. Her eyes didn't open but she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down. He obliged her and felt her mould to him as his weight pressed her into the mattress.

He tried to hold himself up when the embarrassing reaction her nearness always stirred made itself known but she curled her bare leg around his and hooked her calf firmly behind his knee anchoring him. He groaned at being held between her legs and poured his sexual frustrations into the kiss.

Felicity met his intensity without missing a beat and threaded her fingers in his hair while her other hand tugged his shirt out of his pants and her palm slid up under the hem and across his bare skin.

He secured her to him with his arm around her waist and rolled them so that she was straddling his hips. She rocked against him teasingly and he sat up to attack her neck in retaliation. He popped two buttons open with his finger and started placing opened mouth kisses along her neck and across her shoulder, he pressed his forehead against her collarbone and let out a long breath against the spot where her cami, was hanging precariously at the soft swell of her breast.

While he'd been attacking her exposed skin, she had been tenderly cradling his head to her body, still rocking gently against him, torturously and languidly. They had to stop. They were in the lair and Roy was still out on patrol. Anyone could walk in at any moment.

Their limited privacy notwithstanding, he had no regrets in not taking up Lyla's offer to stay longer at the safe house. He had been there for just over a week. Any longer and he knew he wouldn't be flying under Waller's radar. He didn't want to owe the woman anything. As far as he was concerned she wasn't off The List yet. She hadn't redeemed herself at all in the time they'd remade their acquaintance. And having to hold her at gun point in order to stop her from wiping out the city, hadn't won her any brownie points. She was dangerous but Oliver also understood her usefulness. She was powerful with plenty of government connections that he couldn't deny came in very handy. Namely having the resources to secure some dangerous men that could not be contained in any regular prison.

He could sleep a little easier knowing Slade was locked away in a restricted access, remote prison a world away.

::: ::: :::

Waller approached Slade's cell and threw a disinterested look in Harnkess' direction. She slid the Skeleton Key over the security lock and the cell door cracked open.

"Took you long enough," Slade said in a gruff, impatient voice.

The bars next door rattled violently. "Let me out. Wilson, I swear if you leave me here, I'll hunt you down. You and Waller both."

Slade smiled cruelly. "I welcome you to try, kid. As for Waller," he winked his one good eye at the woman standing next to him. "Having her off our backs would be good for business."

Rubbing at her eyes, Waller pulled a discruntled face that was very uncharacteristic of the usually perfectly poised woman. When she pulled her hand way, Slade nodded at her. "Your face is showing."

Waller's normal brown eyes took on a yellowish hue, before flicking back to their regular color. "Thanks. I'll probably need to make another pit stop before we leave a message at home office. The woman is as feisty as she is slippery. But damn tasty," she licked her bottom lip, a vivacious and nasty gleam in her eyes.

Slade made a disgusted face, but said nothing. Closing the heavy metal door behind them and starting to climb.


	18. Relentless

Felicity was expanding her skill set to include more than just self defense and disarming. She was learning about attack points from Roy and they were mixing it up with various wrestling holds. Initially the plan had been to learn from Thea but the club was packed and crazy busy tonight, she couldn't escape.

John was out providing Oliver with back up on his first night back. Felicity couldn't deny she got a little hot under the collar watching him pack his quiver and grab his bow in full Arrow dress. Who was she kidding? She knew exactly what was under those leathers as of three days ago and she was more than a little hot from the mental visual, she was melting and it was embarrassing the way the heat was radiating down south. Thankfully she had a change of clothes and she planned to shower before heading home with him later.

And yay for her home being third wheel free. Ray had finally figured out how to manipulate the altered armor to respond to his mental prompts and it had returned him to regular size. Unfortunately for her peace of mind, he hadn't taken back the reins of the company. He'd been impressed by her efforts and made her appointment permanent. After she'd recovered from her shock, she'd stammered her thanks and asked what his plans were if he was leaving the company in her hands.

He'd smiled a secretive, self assured grin and said he still had some tinkering to do and that she'd discover his end game soon enough. And then he'd left. Left the building and the country apparently. Felicity knew he would be back though. Starling was his home and he had no plans to leave it to the mobs, gangs and corrupt individuals trying to control the city.

While lost in her thoughts Roy managed to get her in one of his previously demonstrated pin holds. He'd put her down so fast she'd the wind knocked out of her and she briefly saw stars from where her head had smacked against the training mat. He had her in a cross-body hold, she was struggling to breathe under his weight and couldn't free her arms from the vice-like grip he had. She remembered how she was supposed to get out of this but after half an hour of charging and dodging him, her strength was flagging. She saw an opening and she took it. Felicity tilted her chin up and the buried it between his ribs.

Roy jerked away and knew he'd done something to her arm and shoulder because he'd heard a crack.

He stared at her with wide eyes, she'd just tickled him with her chin. He'd never let anyone know he was ticklish there but his reaction had probably given him away now.

"Are you okay?" he asked offering her a hand to sit up. He was on his knees still staring at her with a startled nervous expression.

Felicity smirked at him dangerously. "I know your secret, Roy Harper and you are going down."

She saw a flash of fear enter his eyes and he held his hands out defensively. But she was determined.

"Felicity, seriously, you don't want to do this. It always ends badly, I threw a girl once - into a door. It didn't mean to do it, it was just reactive and look just now I don't know but did I pop your shoulder?"

She rolled her shoulders experimentally. "Feels fine to me, maybe you got a little tension loose."

She sat up on her knees and regarded him like he was a skittish colt before she dove at him.

Damn she was fast when she wanted to be. Arms, legs and hands were everywhere. She could slip out of his random arm pins like her skin was coated in butter, her expert fingers finding his weak spots over and over. He was finding it hard to breathe and his stomach was cramping. It was ridiculous, a 5'5 woman, who he could probably bench press with one hand was rendering him useless.

"This is war," he said through gritted teeth. His fingers found her ribs and it was an all out merciless fight that left them gasping and laid out on the floor.

He called mercy first. He was sucking in oxygen like he was a drowning man and his stomach ached like a bitch. He refused to acknowledge that the wetness on his face were tears. If anyone asked it was sweat.

He couldn't move and it seems that neither could she. He had one of her wrists and she had one of his. Neither seemed inclined to believe that the mercy plea would be honoured.

He glanced over at her where she was lying next to him with her legs tangled in his. She was seriously flexible. Not as bendy as Thea but pretty close. When he'd pinned her arms earlier, she'd gotten her shoes off and used her toes. It had made him lose his grip on one of her hands and she'd promptly attacked his other side. If his ribs had tear ducts they would be bawling like babies.

"The floor is not bad," she heaved out. "I think I'll sleep here."

Roy choked out a laugh and felt miserable straight after. Tickle fights should be illegal. "I've done it before. Day after you'll regret it, trust me."

She tugged her arm and with a shared look of honest surrender they both let go. But they didn't really move much. Felicity rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling.

Her heart skipped a beat when the door locks released and footsteps echoed on the stairs. It was John because he never bothered muting his heavy walk. Where was Oliver? She assumed they'd come back together.

John grinned at seeing them both laid out on the floor, red-faced and sweaty.

"Never thought I'd see the day," he said with a chuckle. "What did you do to him?"

Roy narrowed his eyes and shot her a warning glare as he sat up and reluctantly got to his feet. His obliques protested his every move.

Felicity inclined her head thoughtfully. "Thea said you can't always rely on training, sometimes you gotta fight dirty - improvise. I improvised," she said with a nonchalant shrug.

John raised an eyebrow, his lips still twitching. He looked between them and shook his head, still fighting a smile as he walked away. He would have liked to be a fly on the wall for that. Then he stopped walking as he glanced up realizing that the lair was fitted with cameras. Grinning widely he locked away his gear and headed out. He was looking forward to getting home in time for Sara's dream feed. She was extra cute when she was half asleep and in a snuggle mood. He could always check the recording another time. Maybe he'd bring popcorn.

Felicity got up and straightened her top which had ridden up a little. She could feel Roy's incredulous glare on her and she didn't look at him. "Thanks for the workout, Roy," she said honestly and picked up her back to head to the shower.

Roy could only stare after her, his jaw slightly slack. His girlfriend and his team mate where ganging up on him? How was that fair? You couldn't even call it hazing the newbie because he wasn't the newbie anymore, damn it. He shook his head and stalked off. He'd shower at home. Thea could find him there if she felt like making this up to him.

::: ::: :::

Felicity had finished her shower and waited for Oliver. He'd come in about an hour later. She had almost hailed him on comms., to check up on him but she could see by his tracker that he was moving around in The Glades so she let him work.

He'd come in, dropped a sweaty kiss on her cheek and showered without a word before he returned to ask if she was ready to go.

She could feel a tense energy about him the whole drive over to her house but she figured he'd talk about it if he wanted to. She was always ready to listen to him. Just as she was beginning to accept that he would always listen and support her.

The second she'd gotten the front door locked behind them he had been on her, and it was a trail of clothing from the entryway all the way to her bedroom. There was no chance to say slow down or ask him what prompted this eruption, pun intended. Not that she would complain, unrestrained powerful Oliver was one of her naughtiest and a favorite of her secret fantasies. It was constantly shifting between #1 and #2, although setting didn't count for a whole lot, so she should just call it #1 and be done with it.

The first time they had made love, had been slow, full bodied touching and a toe curling blended orgasm that left her breathless.

Now she was lying flat on her back, every nerve ending twitching, her womb dysfunctional, doubtful to ever operate properly again, ruined for anyone else and still in a daze as to what exactly happened. Not that her brain could ever even comprehend such a prospect as a another lover let alone her heart. She couldn't move for the second time in as many hours. Her brain said move but her body said hell no. She needed to use the bathroom to clean up and put something on before she made a mess, but she honestly couldn't even wiggle a toe.

There was love making, which was awesome and sweet and then there was fucking relentless X-rated gymnastics. Sexnastics. She'd called it and she was making it a thing. First thing tomorrow it was going on Urban Dictionary, or was it already today, she wasn't going to look at the clock because that required moving. So not happening. This was something her limited sex experience hadn't prepared her for. She sincerely doubted any college guy or IT consultant knew half the tricks or even had the stamina or strength to do what Oliver just did.

Her definition would have several hash tag after it - #heartofahorse, #nobellybump, #worldrecordorgasm, #karmasturasforamatuers.

Now she knew what the uncharacteristic full body massage had been about before they'd gotten to the really naked tango stuff. She doubted she would have been quite so bendy without him warming up and loosening her muscles first. Especially her neck and shoulders.

As she lay there boneless, she was counting her blessings that he hadn't tried for a blended orgasm. That would have done irreparable mental damage or left her with permanent nerve twitching. As it was, she had lost count the amount of times she had climaxed around him while he kept up a steady, unforgiving, full throttle attack with no end in sight. He had withdrawn with a smug smile, kissed the very end of her nose and wondered out of the bedroom buck naked to get them some water.

Belatedly she realized that she was so shot-circuited that she hadn't even turned her head to admire the view.

He appeared in her line of sight standing by her head still wearing nothing but a self appreciating grin. "Need a hand," he said with a chuckle.

"You're punishing me aren't you." She glared up at his upside down face with an exhausted smile. "This is payback for something. Tell me, or I'll figure it out myself and do it again on purpose just to see if this was real or my wild imagination and the result of corrupt indoctrination from late night television."

Oliver crawled into bed after putting her water on the nightstand. He gathered her close and kissed her shoulder. "I might have let something get inside my head," he confessed softly, a trace of insecurity bleeding into his voice.

Felicity looked into his eyes and felt her heart clench. It amazed her that this strong handsome man, who could be so stoic and intimidate that most hardass of characters could feel vulnerable. About her. She kissed the pinching between his brows and curled her fingers in his hair. She kissed his lips and waited till the lines of his face relaxed.

"Talk to me, baby."

Oliver smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners and his dimple showing. He loved when she called him that.

"When Diggle said he wanted to head back I checked the cameras, I didn't want to interrupt your training with Thea."

Felicity closed her eyes, understanding dawning. To an observer her and Roy's antics could be easily misconstrued.

She pecked his lips lightly and rolled her eyes. "Silly man, not only is your sister a good friend to me but she trusts me. Even if I was attracted to Roy, which I'm not," she hastened to add when she felt him stiffen and not in a good way. "He's not my type. You're the only man I want. And I'm going to keep telling you that until you believe it, and then I'll keep telling you so that you never forget it."

Oliver breathed out in relief and crushed her close. He captured her lips and kissed her thoroughly until all traces of doubt and all other thoughts were banished from his head, so that all he knew was Felicity. His woman, holding him, kissing him and loving him. His dream was now his reality. And he'd fight to keep it.


	19. Interlude: Together

**Notes:** A few readers expressed disappointment over not seeing Olicity's first time together, so here we go.

::: ::: :::

After weeks of simmering sexual tension, not to mention years of fantasies. Felicity couldn't take it anymore. She knew how he felt about her, he told her quietly just for her ears alone every day and his actions, the way he treated her supported his words. It was the little things.

A coffee on her desk every morning. She still hadn't caught him but she knew it was from him. It was from the work cafeteria, it had the company logo on the cup. It was the only place that made her favorite blend, a French press organic black coffee with a splash of pure maple syrup.

Then there was the cooking. If you hadn't fallen for the man already, if he started hanging out in your kitchen making you dinner and cleaning up, then there was something wrong with you. Those guys were extremely rare, like vintage collectibles.

She already knew about his laundry skills after she caught him washing the suit in the Foundry. Knowing how to operate the washer/dryer set they'd installed she called just showing off. Even John had needed to read the instructions first and he'd been doing his own laundry the longest.

Oliver knew she liked her hair out when the day was done and second only to a head massage, brushing her hair was the next best thing and the man could do both, without promoting, brilliantly. He would have no trouble painlessly relieving a four-year-old of snarly bed hair some day. Just another positive for his list in her belief that he would make a great Dad someday.

His hands, she could write a blog dedicated to the man's talented hands. His fingers were magic. She had never realized how much tension she carried in her body until Oliver had started massaging her. The release was pure bliss.

So really, he had no defense for her attack on him. He really brought it on himself for ending up shirtless while sparing and doing the salmon ladder while she was trying and failing to work. Walking out to an empty lair but for the two of them, in stone-wash jeans, his chest still glistening while he towel dried his hair was issuing her an open invitation.

She locked down the access panel to the door and texted Thea a _Do Not Disturb_ warning. She left her phone on the desk as she rounded it, so she didn't see Thea's reply until later.

_"TMI. But about damn time!"_

Oliver stopped in the space between her desk and the training area. He could see from her expression that she'd made up her mind. But he had to ask anyway.

"You sure about this... right now?"

Felicity ran her hands lightly up his chest and pulled the towel from his shoulders, replacing it with her arms. Wrapped around him, she leaned up on her toes and dragged his head down so she could kiss him thoroughly.

He smiled into her kiss and reached up to pull her hands from his neck. Interlocking their fingers he lead her over to the bed. He sat her down and leaned them back, he braced himself over her.

"Did you picture this when you bought me this bed?"

Felicity swallowed hard at the obvious lust in his eyes and the intentional brush of his jean clad crotch between her thighs and nodded slowly.

"What did you imagine, talk to me," he said while he dipped his head to kiss along her neck and free her hair.

Felicity held his head and ran her fingers through his hair, tensing a moment when his nose grazed a sensitive area near her collarbone. He used only his thumb and forefinger to pop all the buttons on her blouse and she felt the cold air of the Foundry before her skin was warmed by his lips.

"You're too quiet," he chided with a soft chuckle. "Still with me?"

Felicity blushed. She took off her glasses and pushed at his chest to get him to roll over. He complied and he let her strip him of his jeans and she got rid of her shirt, bra and skirt, leaving them both in their underwear. They had gone this far before, semi naked making out but she wasn't planning on letting him pull away tonight.

She would never get tired of how his eyes got hooded and dark when he saw her breasts. Oliver was a breast man. He liked her butt, complimented it plenty but it was this face and reaction that cemented her belief that Oliver loved boobs. He was always hesitant at first to touch her. As though she was too pure to be touched by him. Some crazy misguided belief that he was unworthy or some rot. She took his hands and put them where she wanted them. Her nipples hardening on contact with his warm rough skin.

That was all the encouragement he needed. Oliver sat up, caressing her perfect mounds in his palms, loving the stiff peaks rubbing against his skin and the choked moans that his movements pulled from his woman.

Felicity finally managed to get her brain to string a coherent thought to answer him. "I pictured us, just like this, only you were a lot more aggressive. You had enough of me flaunting boobage and my short hemlines and you decided to punish me for torturing you."

Oliver smiled widely at her serious face while she made her confession and buried his face between her breasts to hide his mirth.

"Are you laughing?" she said playfully shoving at his shoulders.

Obviously he wasn't successful at his attempt at discretion. He pulled back still smiling widely. "Boobage," he managed to say, his face threatening to split in the effort it was taking not to laugh out loud.

She tutted him in exasperated fondness and reached down to stroke him in punishment. That pushed all traces of jest aside as his need started to overwrite everything else. He let her continue until he grew so hard and thick that he was pushing the elastic limits of his briefs. He was struggling not to throw her down and give her the undisciplined man she wanted, all the blood in his body was pooling south, leaving very little for intelligent brain function.

He rolled them over again abruptly and brushed her hand away to grind himself against her heat. He was surprised to find her damp. He hadn't even touch her there yet. He smiled wickedly and hooked his thumbs in her panties to pull them down. He followed the lace down with kisses until they were free from her body and then he lifted her legs and made a new trail up to his waiting destination.

At the warm puff of air from his lips against her moist skin, he watched her whole body tremble. He took a pillow and positioned it under her hips so he would have better access. Oliver leaned over and kissed her on the mouth before he looked into her eyes that were wide and slightly nervous.

"Can I?" he asked softly, his eyes never leaving hers.

When she nodded, she found he didn't even hesitate. He just dove right in, the bridge of his nose bumping her bundle of nerves and his tongue, swiping along her opening. She nearly bucked right off the bed at the sensation but the strong but gentle hands holding her thighs against his shoulders kept her in place. All she could was remind herself to breathe and not thrash her head so much as his tongue continue to caress her.

Felicity didn't want her hair to end up resembling a nest but under his thorough and steady assault, she lost it completely. She hardly remembered what came out of her mouth only vaguely registering that she would blushing at her thesaurus of curse words streaming out if she had the presence of mind to care. He finally let up when she was over sensitized and desperate for a break. She pulled him up and hooked her legs around his thighs, avoiding putting pressure on the long scar above his hip.

Lifting one knee to her chest, she managed to hook her toe into the elastic of his briefs and shoved them down. It was a bit tricky since they snagged on his monster of a jutting arrow but Oliver lifting his hips helped.

The moment they made full naked contact, her brain flicked offline again. All she could do was catalog all the sensations she was feeling but not process anything further. She looked into his eyes and knew he was feeling them same. The look of awe and bliss on his face warmed her heart and made it clench painfully behind her ribs. He wasn't even inside her yet and already she could feel an overwhelming tide of emotion swelling in her chest and burning behind her eyes.

"Hey," he said gently, kissing away a tear that spilled from the corner of her eye. "I love you, don't cry, babe. It's sort of creates a negative reaction if a girl starts crying when you're about to make love to her," he joked.

Felicity cupped his face and blinked up at him, her eyes still a bit moist. "I love you, Oliver, but if you don't fill me up right now, I'll start to doubt you know how to use..." He was sliding home so fast that she was muted but for a startled groan that escaped. She realized she shouldn't have goaded him because even with her kegel trainer and her green dildo, her lady part wasn't prepared for him.

Oliver had felt the resistance half way in and regretted pushing ahead so fast. He should have stretched her, felt her out first. She was so tight. And bareback he wondered of he would be able to last.

Another thought followed that and alarmed him. "I'm sorry, I didn't ask and..." He started to withdraw and Felicity tightened her legs around him, stopping him.

"You're clean, I'm clean and I'm on the implant so, don't you dare stop now."

He relaxed but felt her tense and gasp again when he bottomed out. He was going too deep at this angle and she wasn't ready for that yet. He yanked the pillow free and tossed it away, not caring at all where it landed. The new angle of her hips seemed to do the trick and the tension in her body bled out.

He started slowly, watching her face for any sign of discomfort. Her eyes were closed and her lips parted in a soft moan every time he thrust forward, she opened her eyes after a few more strokes and pulled him in for a kiss. She wanted to keep him mouth captive but he couldn't keep up his rhythm without regulating his breathing and counting in his head. Watching her was turning him on too much and he did want this to end before he took her over again.

It was a delicious kind of torture he was inflicting. She wasn't going to ask him to hold back before. She wanted him, all of him even if it was so intense it felt like he was going to ram a new hole in her, she would take it and love it because it was Oliver but she was secretly relieved he'd found a way to take the edge off. He was so thick and long. Longer than she'd ever had before. He filled her up and then some, stretched her out completely. Every time he slid home, she could feel him rub past her G-spot and nudge her cervix. At this angle it wasn't body shattering, silently plead for mercy intense but it was still breathtaking. She wasn't sure she could handle him if he decided to take her wildly the way she'd always fantasized about. He might actually break her.

He held himself up just enough that his weight wasn't really resting on her but she could feel every part of him brushing against her body, his scarred chest rubbing over her sensitive nipples with every thrust. She had to move her hands from where they started at his waist because she remembered his Ra's scars and didn't want to hurt him. So she kept them in the safe zone between his neck and shoulders. She didn't trust herself to have enough presence of mind in her mental state to not inadvertently hurt him.

Oliver sped up and she started moaning, loudly, all concerns for the state of her hair gone as she thrashed against the nerve signals firing all over her body. He reached between them and flicked her clit with his thumb. His strokes slightly rougher than she was used to under her own hand but her body didn't care. She soared to her peak and shattered around him. He followed her not a heartbeat later.

He didn't ride her through it, he seemed to understand that she wanted to be held. He wrapped his arms under her and rolled to the side, holding her close. She buried her face against his neck, tears streaming from her eyes unchecked. She breathed him in. He was real. He was here and he was hers.

"I love you," she whispered her voice husky and soft.

He kissed her hair and hugged her tighter, still feeling her muscles pulling at him, drawing out every bit of his release and keeping him deep in her body, not letting go. .. and there was no where else he wanted to be.


End file.
